Lonely after breaking up with a bf

[ameliapearl]

Hi everyone. I broke up with my bf a few moths ago though it didn't start sticking til two weeks ago when we completely stopped communicating. Throughout these months of wanting it to be over, I never really got to process the breakup for myself. I was concerned about him because I knew he'd take it hard, and though I don't want to be with him, I also eventually really do want him to be okay and realize we were just not meant to be in the long term (we dated for 1.5yrs and talked a lot about marriage, but I stopped seeing a future for us).

Now I feel so alone, especially with the holidays here and many friends at their significant others' families houses, etc. I talked to my bf all the time before things went south. Loneliness is partiallywh y I think I got into that relationship which eventually had no future, and I don't want to get into another bad one (I really want to find someone mature and established as I am, to settle down with once I'm over him my recent ex... Though I know that may take a long while). But I also don't know how to deal with the loneliness and general sadness,e ven though I've spent most of my life before him on my own and very independent and sometimes lonely but never unbearably so. I've never been in a meaningful relationship before so even though I'm in my late 20s, I feel lost now. I'm reading and watching TV a lot but I keep isolating myself. I don't regret the breakup, since I know we wouldn't have worked in the long run, but now that I finally have head space to myself, I keep thinking of all the good times (he was great but it felt like a late-bloomer early-relationship for me, now that I think about it) and all the text messages and emails even when we weren't physically together, so I rarely felt lonely. All of a sudden now, I do, which then gets me really down even when people invite me to hang out with them, etc.

I not sure if i even have a question here or if I'm just getting this off my chest so to speak, but if anyone has any words of wisdom ore ven some sympathy or similar feelings, maybe that could help?

[Cerby]

This is a part of the normal healing process. The holidays sucks when you're feeling alone, which makes it a great time to go out and mingle or have a fling with other singles. I recommend you ride it out until you're happy as being "just you" again, and then seeking out someone using your newfound relationship experience. I recommend not starting a relationship simply because you're "lonely" as it simply won't last.

[anastasis]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H4Ufb1D-vyY

[ameliapearl]

Wow, I love his song and never knew it before. Thank you so much.

And thanks cerby... Yeah I'm not goi to start a new relationship but the loneliness when I don't want to burden my friends more (they helped me a lot in invaluable ways this past month, despite having their own holiday stuff going on) is hard. It feels like mingling would make it seem like it was easy to get over him or that I AM looking for a new relationship already, which I guess is why I'm avoiding that kind of interactions too.

[woody]

Hi everyone. I broke up with my bf a few moths ago though it didn't start sticking til two weeks ago when we completely stopped communicating. Throughout these months of wanting it to be over, I never really got to process the breakup for myself. I was concerned about him because I knew he'd take it hard, and though I don't want to be with him, I also eventually really do want him to be okay and realize we were just not meant to be in the long term (we dated for 1.5yrs and talked a lot about marriage, but I stopped seeing a future for us).

Now I feel so alone, especially with the holidays here and many friends at their significant others' families houses, etc. I talked to my bf all the time before things went south. Loneliness is partiallywh y I think I got into that relationship which eventually had no future, and I don't want to get into another bad one (I really want to find someone mature and established as I am, to settle down with once I'm over him my recent ex... Though I know that may take a long while). But I also don't know how to deal with the loneliness and general sadness,e ven though I've spent most of my life before him on my own and very independent and sometimes lonely but never unbearably so. I've never been in a meaningful relationship before so even though I'm in my late 20s, I feel lost now. I'm reading and watching TV a lot but I keep isolating myself. I don't regret the breakup, since I know we wouldn't have worked in the long run, but now that I finally have head space to myself, I keep thinking of all the good times (he was great but it felt like a late-bloomer early-relationship for me, now that I think about it) and all the text messages and emails even when we weren't physically together, so I rarely felt lonely. All of a sudden now, I do, which then gets me really down even when people invite me to hang out with them, etc.

I not sure if i even have a question here or if I'm just getting this off my chest so to speak, but if anyone has any words of wisdom ore ven some sympathy or similar feelings, maybe that could help?

Dear O.P
Having some alone time is a valuable thing. Rejoice in it. Take the time and kick off your shoes, relax and start thinking about just you. Your going to meet that man you dream of at some point; and when you do, you'll be two. Enjoy being 'One' for awhile. It's not that bad and in fact can be a grand experience of self reflection, good books and music, love and life.
After the initial shock of being alone passes (and it will) you may find you rather enjoy it. Chin up. Go do some new things, stuff that doesn't remind you of the ex and start loving yourself again. Adventure, it's out there!

[ameliapearl]

Thanks, yeah... I love alone time usually, and it was most of my life before him. It's just hard since I'd adjusted to being "two," like you said. Although he rarely let me have my alone time so it's true that I'll probably love being on my own and adventurous again. I wish I could just fast forward a few months!!

[woody]

You'll get there. True, certain hours of the day will be shades of blue but that's when you need to pick yourself up, get out the door for a walk in the park, come back home and get to your new routines.
Days will become weeks, to months and one day, when your all 'you' again, BOOM, you'll see him and he'll see you and that will be that......

best wishes,
woody

[michelle23]

You did the right thing. Breakups are always hard and its difficult to readjust and to "find yourself" again. It takes time to feel normal again but you will get there. We learn from each experience and at least now you know what you want so you can set your standards high and go find him when your ready be alone for awhile. After my last breakup, I was single for a year and had the time of my life with friends-going out clubbing, having a laugh and I had no interest at all in men. Went on plenty of dates but was never interested in anyone but I learned a lot about myself and what I want/dont want..

enjoy this time. You will meet someone special when you least expect it

[Luis64]

I must admit that it takes a lot of courage to do what you did. Is hard we we love something and have to let it go. I'm going through this and it really sucks during the holidays. Sometimes I get sad and wonder if there is such a thing as "the perfect relationship". For the mean time, we just have to hang in there and wait for time to pass so it can hill things down. Once again, you did the right thing and congrats for it.