Crushed

[Archie]

Hello LF, today I just got the absolutely best New Years gift in my entire life.
You don't have to reply or anything, I just wish to let off some steam, so, If you don't mind, I'll just start.

My hands are shaking as I'm writing this...
It's ridicilous.

Heart breaks don't just come from your soul mate flipping you off, your wife/husband divorcing you or the love of your life leaving you. It comes from other, different things aswell, ones that, maybe others don't take close to heart, like a close friend telling you off, cause he has other more important things to do; Your mother not sending you a present for your birthday if you live far away from her. Those things, they may not hurt you, but there are people who will get hurt by those actions, or inactions.

Just now, I found out my friends decided to celebrate New Year's without me. I wasn't busy, not even moderately occupied for the evening. Their plans never came up during conversations, so I had absolutely no clue. But I'd be okay with that, had it been only them, cause they wouldn't have even hinted at anything. But here's the catch.
A while back I introduced someone to the group of people I, now used to, hang out with. She needed something different in her life and I thought, okay - I'll help her out, give her a little push. That friend, I'm currently talking about, had a terrible break up, so I thought she needed a change of pace. She befriended almost everyone and kind of became a part of that group.
During the last few months I became distant cause I was too busy with work, I had literally no time to hang out wiht them, no matter how much I wished for it, but there was nothing I could have done to fix that situation.
Before Christmas me and That friend had a slight dispute about something, the subject of which is irrelevant in the grand scheme of things, it wasn't even a big deal. Now it's New Years. I sent out texts wishing a Happy New Years to all my friends and judging by the replies that I recieved from a bunch of them, almost simultaneously I might add, containing something of a ridicule wishing me the exact same thing - figured a bunch of them had gathered somewhere. And a certain reply from That friend confirmed it, almost, as if to stab me in the back. To show me, that I'm unneeded, they're better off without me there.

It just sucks to understand that you're irrelevant to some of the people who you thought of as friends.

All in all, this has got to be my worst New Years, but at least my goal is clear.


Wish you all a happy and loving New Year LFers.

[Wakeup]

What did they say to you?

[pcmaster]

Thanks for New year wishes Man. Wish you all the best !

Are you in UK and your mum from Latvia not sending you present?
2 years ago this was case with me. (Celebrating ar home with my family and friends this year) All I can say its useless life to live alone with no real friends, its hard and job feels pointless too.

Best I can suggest is counselling. Look it up on internet and find your local branch. If you are in UK you can call samaritans(they work even in new year) its free trust phone and you can talk about anything. It will be huge relief and will help to explore and deal with problems.

[Lord Darkshire]

"your so called friend" must have gotten rubbed the wrong way, and decided to over exaggerate her side of the story so she can gather up allies. Sounds like she can be very persuasive. You said it was not big deal but it might have been for her.

[AnErin]

Well, there is a good reason that i do not hang out in cliques. I am assuming your have a tight knit group of people that are all friends. You are "part of the crowd" yes?
Why is this bad? It is like putting all your eggs in one basket.
I have found that the best way to approach friendships is to have several ones who do NOT know each other or run around in the same circle. My siblings, best friends (married couple), a guy I am dating, and the woman I am dating - none of them know each other. It is like a branched chain

This way, if things go haywire with one friend, it does not effect any of my other friendships.

You are hurting now but you will come out stronger and more confident. First you need to learn to be your own best friend. Others will then have no choice but to love you. How many new friends do you want? You can then name your own ticket.

[Archie]

Thank you for replying everyone, I highly appreciate it.

The story behind "that friend" is that, We were supposed to meet up on evening of December 23rd, but she cancelled on me, said she had go to see one of her girlfriends. Ofcourse, I'm pissed off at her, cause we planned this for a while now and in the last minute - oh sorry. That same evening, (23rd) she calls me on the cellphone, asks if I want to meet up after all. Now, I'm not the one to dance to anybodies flute, so I told her off. What gives, do I have to jump if she says so? No.
She didn't even apologize about that or anything, so I don't care anymore, if she's fine with that - I'm fine aswell.

And that group I used to hang out with werent a bunch of close-knit friends, they were from all over the place, just random people that got together and became friends.
All in all, I'll get over this in a while and start from scratch.

[Wakeup]

Thank you for replying everyone, I highly appreciate it.

The story behind "that friend" is that, We were supposed to meet up on evening of December 23rd, but she cancelled on me, said she had go to see one of her girlfriends. Ofcourse, I'm pissed off at her, cause we planned this for a while now and in the last minute - oh sorry. That same evening, (23rd) she calls me on the cellphone, asks if I want to meet up after all. Now, I'm not the one to dance to anybodies flute, so I told her off. What gives, do I have to jump if she says so? No.
She didn't even apologize about that or anything, so I don't care anymore, if she's fine with that - I'm fine aswell.

And that group I used to hang out with werent a bunch of close-knit friends, they were from all over the place, just random people that got together and became friends.
All in all, I'll get over this in a while and start from scratch.

So, Happy New Year; it appears that you're not really "crushed" as your thread title and your opening post implies then.

[Archie]

Well, a little backstory of me, I've always been alone, I could wear a t-shirt with the meme - "Forever alone" with my nose held up high, just cause it's true.
This event was nothing new to me, people have turned away from me for as long as I can remember. I guess the weight of this crap was double because it was new years eve. If I don't walk away and start over, then that means they win, right? So I just have to move on. Maybe they'll regret turning away from me, maybe not, it's not my business anymore, so I'll act accordingly.

Maybe it was also a sign that those were not the right people for me.

So, again, thank you.

[Maple1714]

How old are you Archie? These people don't really sound like your friends. You could always just be honest with them (not emotional) and tell them your feelings were hurt b/c they left you out. You can tell your other friend why you got upset about her cancelling plans. Just tell these people why you are upset, then move on from those friendships if none of them seem to care and/or try to make it up to you. People do things all the time that will unintentional hurt you. You can't take things personally, but you can speak up for yourself when needed. It's a fine line, to not take other peoples actions/words personally and simultaneously stand up for yourself....but you gotta do it.