Is that good or bad? Help pls!

[searock]

You and every other other female friend I have. Do you only go out with guys who you think are hot? Do you ever lower your standerds in physcale attractions? Because if you are going for major hottie guys, then they know they can get away with it.

I never had to lower my standards, I would never date a guy I wasn't attracted to... there are plenty of guys I am attracted to that are great, decent guys. My long-term boyfriend is one of them :-). You just need to wait for the right one, without jumping in bed with a guy unless you are completely sure that you are able to keep your emotions well apart from your body.

OP, I agree with what basilandthyme, michelle and wakeup have told you. You need to recognize those red flags, and learn to stay away.

[basilandthyme]

michelle23, why did you say "again"? What made you think that this is not the first time? I've never been in friends with benefits relationship before.
My two other threads from last month were about this guy too. =) The same guy.

Lilia, if this is not the first time you've made a bad decision, why did you mention that you are always attracted to men who hurt you? Seems to me like you've made a habit of bad choices.

[basilandthyme]

There is lots of feelings in this topic. If tc wants to have high standards then that's her business, she knows that she will have a harder time finding a guy who won't use here. But this is her deision. Guys like me get jealous when a woman says this, but that's my problem. If she believe she is worth it, then who am I to judge. No reason to get angry at her.

OK, I admit to throwing up a little in my mouth when Lilia said she "deserved" a good looking guy. Then again, I guess she's getting what she deserves.....

[PMB]

but moving on can be hard...

[PMB]

good advice nevertheless...

[michelle23]

michelle23, why did you say "again"? What made you think that this is not the first time? I've never been in friends with benefits relationship before.
My two other threads from last month were about this guy too. =) The same guy.

Because you said you keep getting hurt or something like that..

[michelle23]

There is nothing wrong with having high standards but if your only standard is that hes good looking because you think you deserve a good looking guy then there is something wrong with that

having high standards is not just about physical attraction. Its also about being treated well and being valued as a person-being respected..

This guy is just telling you what you want to hear. So what he decorated his house for christmas? That means nothing.

And honestly out of all the guys you dated-Id rather have one who drank an extra glass of wine or didnt have exceptional manners etc then a player I cannot trust

[Wakeup]

Take a gander at the essence of someone with BPD. Op is a black and white, come here, no go away; I love you, no I hate you thinker. You are either good or you're bad at any given time until hanging around with her makes you as crazy as she is.

I'm out because it's like talking to a toilet seat thats continuously going up and down.

No one will change her mind on what she believes already to be true. No one will be able to educate her any differently.

BPDfamily.com..Lilia.. they will relate to you better then anyone here could.

P.S. Don't bother getting offended. It is what it is. Even your title of the thread suggests that it's either one or the other "Is it Good or is it Bad?" Not even a consideration that it's neither and just something that he said in passing or to save face because he had previously told you he wanted to shoot his wad on your body.

[Lilia]

Take a gander at the essence of someone with BPD. Op is a black and white, come here, no go away; I love you, no I hate you thinker. You are either good or you're bad at any given time until hanging around with her makes you as crazy as she is.

I'm out because it's like talking to a toilet seat thats continuously going up and down.

No one will change her mind on what she believes already to be true. No one will be able to educate her any differently.

BPDfamily.com..Lilia.. they will relate to you better then anyone here could.

P.S. Don't bother getting offended. It is what it is. Even your title of the thread suggests that it's either one or the other "Is it Good or is it Bad?" Not even a consideration that it's neither and just something that he said in passing or to save face because he had previously told you he wanted to shoot his wad on your body.

I HAVE NEVER BEEN DIAGNOSED WITH BPD!(and I said this before) Stop LABELING ME! I never acted like that in the thread: "come here, no, go away". You are making it up.
I asked a simple question "is it good or bad when a guy comes fast". I didn't ask for any other advice.
And don't call me crazy. You don't know me in person.
So what if the name of my topic suggests that it is either one or another? It doesn't mean that I have BPD.

[smackie9]

It's up to YOU to determine by your own perspective if it's good or bad. I think it would be beneficial for you to not question your ability to come to a conclusion, and just learn to go with your gut feeling.

[Wakeup]

I HAVE NEVER BEEN DIAGNOSED WITH BPD!(and I said this before) Stop LABELING ME! I never acted like that in the thread: "come here, no, go away". You are making it up.
I asked a simple question "is it good or bad when a guy comes fast". I didn't ask for any other advice.
And don't call me crazy. You don't know me in person.
So what if the name of my topic suggests that it is either one or another? It doesn't mean that I have BPD.

Like I said, don't bother getting defensive, it is what it is.

For those wondering see post #23.

Your reactivity is solidifying that you may be right about what you think, Lilia. Have you ever been to a therapist?

Why does it have to be either good or bad (if a guy comes first)? Can't it just have happened?

[Lilia]

Like I said, don't bother getting defensive, it is what it is.

For those wondering see post #23.

Your reactivity is solidifying that you may be right about what you think, Lilia. Have you ever been to a therapist?

Why does it have to be either good or bad (if a guy comes first)? Can't it just have happened?

I didn't think it was either good or bad! It was just the name of the topic.
The question was more about guy's anatomy than anything else.
I thought if a guy comes fast it might mean that he was overly excited. ( and it is good if I make him very excited).
Or may be he comes fast cos he is not excited enough (sexually) so it means I don't make a guy excited enough. Like I said I don't know how guys work! So I asked a question in a section "ask a male forum"
And yes I have been to a therapist and I have never been diagnosed with any kind of personality disorder.

And what do you mean by reactivity? You are way more reactive than me. The way you wrote "grow the fk up" sounds very reactive to me.

[Wakeup]

I don't like illigitimate children populating the earth or deseases being spread. Call me a good Citizen of the world O.o

What makes you think you have BPD, lilia if you've never been diagnosed?

[Lilia]

I don't like illigitimate children populating the earth or deseases being spread. Call me a good Citizen of the world O.o

What makes you think you have BPD, lilia if you've never been diagnosed?

but why does this matter so much? I said I might have it but I might not. There are some traits of BPD that I have in my personality (like fear of being alone and fear of rejection, need for love) but I am flexible and I act normal in relationships. I can adapt to any situation and deal with it. People with BPD can't.

[Wakeup]

People with BPD can. It's just not functional. There is a whole forum for people who are in relationships with people who have BPD and need support for the exilarating ups and the dismal downs that living with someone with BPD more often then not entails.

Anyway, Your question has been answered. It isn't good or it isn't bad.. it just is. It has nothing to do with whether or not you are the best person he has been to bed with.

Ask him if it's good, get his difinition of what cuming quickly means to him and then decide if what he's told you is the truth. His answer is the only one that matters anyway.

Good luck. Look after yourself and don't get involved with anyone too quickly. It takes time to get to know someone well and to figure out if you are valuing one another on the same level.