Loving a girl who has a bf

[Jay79]

Hi,

I am looking for some serious advice on my situation.

I am in love with a girl who has a boyfriend, she also loves me. We have been together for 8 months without her boyfriend knowing. He had some doubts about us and once they almost broke up. She used to say that she wanted to leave him, but for the last couple of months she started saying she don't want to hurt him and will marry him and she has given up and listen to whatever he says. She says he changed after he came to know about us and now everything is getting better between them. Now I am seriously in love with her but she can't tell him. I tried to move on but I couldn't. I am always hidden from her bf. we still meet most of the days and she still says she loves me. We even had sex so many times. She has sex with him also. She tells me everything bcoz she trusts me. I asked if I can tell her bf about us but that also she doesn't allow saying things will get worse. She can't see me hurt also. If I speak to him I may lose her. I don't want to lose her and feels that I should speak to her bf. She leaves with him. I am in really helpless situation.

Can anybody advice if speaking to her bf is a good idea or not. She plans to keep it hidden from him forever. Is there any other option for me to get her. I can wait but when I see them together it hurts and I feel miserable. The other problem is I need to speak to her everyday as we work in same place and also have to see her lot of times in a day.

Please give me a genuine advice as I am in a very bad situation.


Thanks!

[Boisdevie]

Please give me a genuine advice as I am in a very bad situation.

You are in a very bad situation - a situation that you have made yourself. She has a boyfriend. Leave her alone. If she's happy to cheat on her boyfriend that makes her not a nice person doesn't it?

[rela]

If she has cheated on her boyfriend like this, what would be a happy end to the situation?

If she leaves him for you (it doesn't sound like she will), you will always be wondering if she is cheating on you as well. There would be no trust.

[Jay79]

Thanks for ur reply!
I got close to her when she was trying to break up with her but didn't know that she will go back to him. Now I am deeply in love with her and can't forget her. That's why I was thinking should I speak to her bf. I know it will hurt him but I still feel I should speak to him.

[Jay79]

I know about her more then her bf knows. She told me things which can break up their relation. So she trusts me completely and I also trust her completely. She knows if I want I can easily create problems between them. Even after she said she wanted to be with him she tells me all her personal problems.

[dickriculous]

Speaking to her bf is a terrible idea. That has shitstorm written all over it. Are you addicted to drama?

I would either leave them be or tell her that you don't want to be in this situation anymore, knowing about her bf is weighing too heavily on you and unless she is willing to break up with him for you then you have to go your separate ways. Yes, you risk losing her but what you're doing now is eventually going to lose her anyway, you're just hanging on for dear life delaying the inevitable.

Of course, there is the fact of the matter that if she would do this to him she would probably do the same to you down the road. You don't want to believe it but you have yourself as evidence which is kind of hard to deny. And if you think that your love will transform her into a faithful girlfriend you are in for a terribly rude awakening with regards to human nature. These situations make for great fun with affairs and flings but they make for terrible long term relationships. Tread with caution here. Personally I would just move on and enjoy the memories we had together.

Now, whether you leave her or not you have to start keeping your emotions in check and exercising more self control than this. Failure to do so will ruin everything.

I know about her more then her bf knows. She told me things which can break up their relation. So she trusts me completely and I also trust her completely. She knows if I want I can easily create problems between them. Even after she said she wanted to be with him she tells me all her personal problems.

Yeah, that's just the sort of thing I would lie to a chick about in order to wrap her around my finger too.

[Jay79]

I was thinking to speak to her bf bcoz he knows that she was speaking to me without him knowing and he still doubts that she speaks to me and even asks her. He is keeping her under complete control. So I thought I will be informing him about what he already knows.

[Wakeup]

Yea... go ahead and tell him. Then, watch her go completely silent on you for betraying her trust. I say, go help them to get their relationship back on the right track. She needs to stop talking to you all together and you going to her boyfriend will be just the ticket she needs to get her on THAT train.

Let us know how it goes.