Crushing on a girl for years...

[MMX]

Hey all, hope all is going well for you guys.

Any ways, this thread is about a small thought that has been on my mind for several years and is fairly straight forward so I'm going to keep it short. So, back in 2007 I met a girl in my Biology class who I found really sweet and lovely. We were sometimes lab partners and we did a few practicals but apart from that we never had any real conversations or hung out or did anything. For several years now since that year we've been friends on facebook and we always like each others status here and there. In between all these years, we've had a couple of serious conversations about her dating life and her work life and stuff and those were pretty much the only real conversations we had even though they were just on facebook. Also, every once in a while I see her around at the mall and we wave to each other and smile but that's about it. After so long now I realize that I've kinda had a crush on this girl for awhile now but never really did anything about it. So every time I see a photo she puts up or a post she makes, I think about her as my crush. She was dating at one stage too but now she is single and has been for awhile now and I think there are no guys in her life but it's hard to tell much from just being facebook friends.

Are you guys able to please advice me on what I should do and how I should go about in asking her out (if I end up doing that)? It's been held back for awhile now since I felt I had no clue on how to go about asking her out. Obviously, I don't think I can just randomly message her one day and just ask her out lol. There has to be an easy and fun way to do this I hope

Thanks for the help in advance. The amount of help and replies I've gotten in my threads is so overwhelming and supportive and it really helps when I have people to discuss such things with and gain advice on.

[Silver]

Im in a similar situation to you. The good thing for you is that you said that ye have talked on facebook about some serious subjects which suggests that she trusts you.
If you know she is single then I think that you should just ask her to go to the cinema or for a coffee. I know it is not easy but how do you know that she is not waiting on you to ask her out. If she says no then all you say is, 'oh no it's just as friends' but I doubt she would say no.
Hope this helps. If you do decide to ask her out then let us know how you get on.
You can do it man

[3mK]

You've had those serious conversations over FB because she values you as a friend. You have a crush on her but she probably likes you as a friend. Want to change things? How about the next time you see her at the mall instead of waving to her, walk up to help and tell her it may have taken you a loooong time but you finally want to ask her out on a date. DO THAT!

[TheEvilJester]

Well, I will say that it this doesn't sound like as clear of a case of "Friend-zone" as some examples. After all, you do sound as though you are friendly... which is good.... but you don't sound like you are very close friends. In this case, that is actually also good. If you were very close, there could still be a chance that she'd want to go out with you, but there would also be an equal chance that she thinks of you too much as a friend to date you.

In this case, though, you are close enough that she trusts you, but not so close that you seem very likely friend-zoned already. Of course, that doesn't mean that definitely is not the case. It could still be that she sees you as only a friend. You never can tell.

The best thing you can do, really, is just ask her out. I wouldn't tell her you've had a crush on her for years or anything like that. Just ask her out casually. If you two wound up hitting it off and becoming boyfriend and girlfriend, then that might be a sweet story to tell her later. "You know, sweetie, I actually had a crush on you for years before I got up the nerve to ask you out." But I wouldn't lead off with that as a way to ask her out.

Just ask her out kind of casually. I mean, I would think you would want to make it clear you mean it as a date, but if you make it seem sort of a casual thought, you can sort of maybe fall back into being friends if she doesn't seem receptive. Then again, that can be hard to do. Anyway, good luck either way.

[MMX]

I don't think I honestly would mind whether I'm in her "friend zone" or not because right now it's very early stages to even guess what could or couldn't be. The main question is whether I can do something to increase my chance of going beyond the friend zone, if it led to that. The advices by all of you sounds more than reasonable to me so I appreciate it.

I don't think I can just randomly catch her at a mall and just come out with all this from no where. Neither am I sure of whether I should just ask her out like that either through Facebook. The reason being she won't have a clue what hit her and it might evoke a panic response which leads to her either saying she's busy or something else just to avoid it. I don't know I guess that's still a possibility. So, is there anyway I can ease her into a date with me? my concern is that I just don't have any idea as to how to NOT make it seem awkward lol. This is mainly because I might merely be a side thought to her and a date invitation from me might be a shock and surprise to her perhaps.

PS: the date I have in mind with her is not a coffee date or a movie (maybe a movie but not just that). I plan on taking her out at a nice romantic place and just talking to her about things in life and divert it into some sort of flirty conversation slowly to show her I'm interested in her. Would that be a good idea or is that a bit to cliche and risky?

[TheEvilJester]

Asking her in person would probably be best if that is a possibility. But, if that is not an option then there isn't much you can do about that. Do you have her phone number? Maybe give her a call? I don't know. I have to readily admit that I am not the best person to offer advice on that specifically. I've been pretty shy my whole life and am only just now really starting to learn to get over that after getting out of a bad relationship. So, hopefully somebody else can chime in with some advice on that.

As for how to ask, I might consider something simple/casual. Maybe even just really come out and ask. Just a simple "Hey, I've been thinking, would you like to go on a date some time?" That way, if it just seems like a casual thought, then maybe she won't feel quite so put on the spot. It may help her feel more at ease, or if she isn't interested, it may make it a little easier to go back to being just friends. Again, others may be able to offer more specific advice on what to say.

As for your date idea, I think that sounds pretty good. Maybe don't go to a place that is too overly romantic too soon, but a little something to show your romantic side could be good. Plus, any date where you are able to talk is definitely a good first date. Movies, as much as I love them, don't necessarily make a good first date. You really shouldn't be talking during a movie, and on a first date you should hopefully do a lot of talking. Good luck! Hope it works out for you.

[MMX]

Asking her in person would probably be best if that is a possibility. But, if that is not an option then there isn't much you can do about that. Do you have her phone number? Maybe give her a call? I don't know. I have to readily admit that I am not the best person to offer advice on that specifically. I've been pretty shy my whole life and am only just now really starting to learn to get over that after getting out of a bad relationship. So, hopefully somebody else can chime in with some advice on that.

As for how to ask, I might consider something simple/casual. Maybe even just really come out and ask. Just a simple "Hey, I've been thinking, would you like to go on a date some time?" That way, if it just seems like a casual thought, then maybe she won't feel quite so put on the spot. It may help her feel more at ease, or if she isn't interested, it may make it a little easier to go back to being just friends. Again, others may be able to offer more specific advice on what to say.

As for your date idea, I think that sounds pretty good. Maybe don't go to a place that is too overly romantic too soon, but a little something to show your romantic side could be good. Plus, any date where you are able to talk is definitely a good first date. Movies, as much as I love them, don't necessarily make a good first date. You really shouldn't be talking during a movie, and on a first date you should hopefully do a lot of talking. Good luck! Hope it works out for you.

I think what you've said makes complete sense. It's just I feel completely lost myself in figuring out how to go about and do it without seeming to random. I don't have her phone number but its on her profile on facebook. I don't think using her number without her consent is a good idea and it might give her a stalkerish idea of me. If I end up being as direct as just asking her out in saying I've been thinking of her and if she wants to go out, it might backfire. Thanks for the advice though, I'm still trying to work out how to go about and do this.

[surfhb2]

If it's on her profiles why in gods name would it be a big deal? Call her up and ask her out you big pussy

Serious man! Girl actually like t when you call them.....aren't you aware of the phenomenon ?? Lol

[MMX]

If it's on her profiles why in gods name would it be a big deal? Call her up and ask her out you big pussy !

Thanks Einstein lol. We've never talked on phone and she doesn't have my number. Any ways, I'll figure it out. I just need to start talking to her on facebook through messages again and just ease myself into asking her out. I just don't feel being too direct would be a good idea but let's see how I go. I'll update everyone one what happens. Thanks for the help so far everyone

[surfhb2]

Thanks Einstein lol. We've never talked on phone and she doesn't have my number. Any ways, I'll figure it out. I just need to start talking to her on facebook through messages again and just ease myself into asking her out. I just don't feel being too direct would be a good idea but let's see how I go. I'll update everyone one what happens. Thanks for the help so far everyone

Omg dude!!! Grows some balls and just call her! She knows who you are and her phone number is on her profile. Girls like directness and confidence

Jeesh! You kids today are big pussies . texting and FB as spawn a whole generation of big pussy men

[MMX]

Omg dude!!! Grows some balls and just call her! She knows who you are and her phone number is on her profile. Girls like directness and confidence

Jeesh! You kids today are big pussies . texting and FB as spawn a whole generation of big pussy men

I get that lol. It's a very ballzy move but the issue is it also sounds a bit stalkerish. I am just looking at it from her view too, like say if I chased up all this stuff just to randomly ask her out. It wouldn't really brush off in the most nicest way. If I knew her well and talked to her often, it would be a great move but we don't really have that closeness yet.

[Boisdevie]

I get that lol. It's a very ballzy move but the issue is it also sounds a bit stalkerish. I am just looking at it from her view too, like say if I chased up all this stuff just to randomly ask her out. It wouldn't really brush off in the most nicest way. If I knew her well and talked to her often, it would be a great move but we don't really have that closeness yet.

Sounds like a little boy making excuses. Stalkerish - what a load of shite. Hes just noy got the balls. Poor little lamb. Still, leaves more pussy for the rest of us.

[surfhb2]

Yeah.....the op just doesn't get it

If she said "no" to a date and you called her that would be stalking......you haven't asked her out yet! Ahhhhhh!!!!

I guarantee she will will go out with you if you called. But then again girls don't like big pussy men so it might be too late for you

[TheEvilJester]

Ehh.... you guys may be right, but I'm not so sure myself. I mean, I definitely agree she shouldn't put her phone number on her Facebook profile if she doesn't want friends to use it and call her. Personally, I would never put my phone number on my Facebook profile. If I want somebody to have my phone number, they have my phone number. I don't want random friends on Facebook to have it.

Still, I think it would be a bit rude to just go ahead and call somebody without them actually specifically giving your their number and saying it is okay to call. But, I don't know if maybe that is just me.

I do, however, agree that the OP should consider just asking her out. I can see if you want to build up to it a little by talking to her through Facebook a bit. Just don't spend too much time building up to it. At some point, if you want to ask her out, you'll have to just come up with a way to do it, and just go for it. She'll say yes, or she'll say no, but at least then you will know. Either way, good luck, my friend.

[surfhb2]

Jesus Christ! It's just a fvcking phone call

Maybe it's just I come from a different time when girls thought it was sweet for a guy to call out of the blue for a date. We didn't have FB, texts or even answering machines.....I remember when the phone range, you just picked it up and said "hello". And I'm only 44.