can anyone give me advice

[sarahvintage56]

hi i have been with my partner for 12 years now but for ten of these years he has been a drinker a liar and he has been violent to me on many occasions including breaking my nose and putting me in hospital twice but he only hits me when he is drunk so that is why i have stayed with him but recently he has recieved a 2nd drink drive ban which im having to cope with im having to do all the driving and i get nothing in return he speaks to me like im nothing like im just a slave he says he wants aafamily but we only have sex when he wants it in 12 years whenever ive asked for it he turn me down its always on his terms only anyway to cut along rant into something shorter y ex has got in touch he gets in touch once a year roughly since we split up as he worries about me and still feels for me and he is now in the navy and has his own house , good income and says he will drop everything to be with me after i recieved his message i said to my partner now shall we go for a afternoon walk with the dogs and he says no go yourself so you can see why im in a situation everytime my ex is sweet to me i see how nasty my partner is to me daily i feel trapped and im unsure what to do can anyone help x

[searock]

Obviously you should break up with him.

[sarahvintage56]

if only it was that easy im scared of what he will do plus we have 3 dogs between us he owns one the one i paid for !!! he says if i leave him that dog is staying with him but he is a crap owner he never takes them when i ask him to he never walks them or amything make sme so angry

[Wakeup]

hi i have been with my partner for 12 years now but for ten of these years he has been a drinker a liar and he has been violent to me on many occasions including breaking my nose and putting me in hospital twice but he only hits me when he is drunk so that is why i have stayed with him but recently he has recieved a 2nd drink drive ban which im having to cope with im having to do all the driving and i get nothing in return he speaks to me like im nothing like im just a slave he says he wants aafamily but we only have sex when he wants it in 12 years whenever ive asked for it he turn me down its always on his terms only anyway to cut along rant into something shorter y ex has got in touch he gets in touch once a year roughly since we split up as he worries about me and still feels for me and he is now in the navy and has his own house , good income and says he will drop everything to be with me after i recieved his message i said to my partner now shall we go for a afternoon walk with the dogs and he says no go yourself so you can see why im in a situation everytime my ex is sweet to me i see how nasty my partner is to me daily i feel trapped and im unsure what to do can anyone help x

Go to a woman's shelter and don't worry about anything else. If you go back to your ex you will be jumping right out of the frying pan into the fire. You need councelling and education and learn how to live on your own without a man.

Google for a woman's shelter in your part of the world and get yourself packed and out of there. Start working on getting over your codependency and inability to function as an independent woman.

[TheEvilJester]

Look, I know it is hard, but you say you have been with this guy for 12 years, and he's been abusive for 10 of them. Do you realize that means you only had 2 good years with him? Do you see how far the bad years outweigh that? You need to get yourself out of the situation. I agree with Wakeup.

He sounds like he is very obviously an alcoholic. He needs help. It is very possibly out of his control to stop himself. But, that can't be your problem anymore. If he is not going to get help for you, then you need to leave for your own safety, both physically and emotionally. Hopefully that will be the rock bottom he needs to finally push him to get the help he needs. If not, that needs to no longer be your problem. You deserve better than this. Anybody would. Please get yourself help.

[DalM0m]

Do they have Al Anon meetings where you are? those are support groups for people in love with substance abusers. They will help you get strong enough to leave. You certainly can't stay.

When you are ready, take all the dogs.

[Starnique]

Go to a woman's shelter and don't worry about anything else. If you go back to your ex you will be jumping right out of the frying pan into the fire. You need councelling and education and learn how to live on your own without a man.

Google for a woman's shelter in your part of the world and get yourself packed and out of there. Start working on getting over your codependency and inability to function as an independent woman.

This.

If you really want to leave him, this would be your first step. I went thru a dysfunctional relationship, without even thinking about it. I just left My ex was a good provider so I kept thinking about money, he was sort of the reason behind me losing things. He wasn't physically abusive but he had other issues and I kept thinking about him stalking me, like maybe should I stay. I just did it. Just left. When you keep thinking about it, you'll just keep finding lame reasons to stay. You just have to leave. That's your first step. Talking about it is not going to get you anywhere.

[TheEvilJester]

That is good advice as well. This is not something you should think about all that much or debate with yourself in making a decision. Abuse is never okay, no matter what form it takes. One time is one time too many, but once it becomes a pattern, you really need to get yourself out of the situation. I think we can all understand how hard it may seem. You have so much tied up in this person, including your dogs. It is very noble to worry about the dogs, and frankly I would recommend you find a way to legally take them as well. They don't deserve to be stuck with somebody who won't take care of them. But, you need to first worry about you and get out of there as soon as possible. Find yourself help. Get a restraining order if you feel that is actually necessary. But, the bottom line is just this... take care of yourself. Good luck.

[Wakeup]

How come people in abusive relationships always have dogs? More then one too... Or so it seems.