Had a great time together, but now she doesn't want to kiss!

[jaykay1989]

I was dating this girl since 2 months. First meeting, at a park, coffee, goes really well.

Second, I invite her to my home, we cook, eat. All is good.

Third, she invites me to her home, we cook, eat, kiss for 3 hours. Yes 3 hours! Somehow she wasn't reacting well to me going down there, so we just kept kissing and kissing. In the end I wanted to go and she said stay with me for a little longer, all the while we were curled up together.

Fourth meeting, again at her place, we talk talk and talk and when i try to kiss her, she suddenly stops me! I try again 30 min later and same.

I write her on facebook two days later if there is a problem, she says she doesn't want to kiss anymore because just liking each other is not enough for relationship. However, i keep trying thinking maybe she felt guilty about showing me her body so early. I also think she is a virgin. because she is too shy.

Fifth meeting, in the city centre, we walk and talk for an hour.

Last week, i ask her if we can go out for a movie together, she agrees until on the last day she says she has to say sorry. I haven't written to her in a week coz frankly, I am the one who always initiates the conversation and even though i want her, I don't want to be the only one trying. So what is the deal? Should I forget her? Currently i have decided not to write till she writes me. She is always so enthusiastic when talking to me and whatever I plan or propose, she agrees on it immediately. But I still have't understood the refusal to kiss on our fourth meeting!!! Any explanations?

If its any help, she is as shy as a girl can be.

[eco-guy]

honestly, i think you probably summed it all up in your last sentance. she's shy. she might have some personal issues that she can't share with you because she's shy, afraid that you'll think she's weird. usually, though, there's nothing you can do about this. pushing and trying can have a negative effect in this case.
another possibilty is when she said "just liking each other is not enough for relationship". she might mean that she just doesn't feel chemistry between you. this might be true, or she might have really unrealistic expectations, like lightning striking, romantic comedy stuff. you never know.
i'd say step away for a bit, see if she'll get back to you in a while.

[jaykay1989]

honestly, i think you probably summed it all up in your last sentance. she's shy. she might have some personal issues that she can't share with you because she's shy, afraid that you'll think she's weird. usually, though, there's nothing you can do about this. pushing and trying can have a negative effect in this case.
another possibilty is when she said "just liking each other is not enough for relationship". she might mean that she just doesn't feel chemistry between you. this might be true, or she might have really unrealistic expectations, like lightning striking, romantic comedy stuff. you never know.
i'd say step away for a bit, see if she'll get back to you in a while.

Well, I have stepped away for a while and I will wait till she says Hi first. Once she does that, I am going to ask her exactly whats up. As i said before, despite that refusal, we were still talking the same way as before and she never turns down any request to meet at my or her place! Also, I am a foreigner in this country and maybe she just doesn't want to get involved with someone from outside.

[surfhb2]

Pfsst! who wants to date a girl who doesnt make an effort once in awhile or wants to kiss? I cant believe you are debating staying with her

[BurritoBandito]

Well, I have stepped away for a while and I will wait till she says Hi first. Once she does that, I am going to ask her exactly whats up. As i said before, despite that refusal, we were still talking the same way as before and she never turns down any request to meet at my or her place! Also, I am a foreigner in this country and maybe she just doesn't want to get involved with someone from outside.

Yes, Let Her Come To You And Explain Herself. If She Has Already Kissed You For 3 Hours Straight, I Wouldn't Be Worried About Her Not Liking You. As Said, It May Be A Shyness Issue. If She Wants To Make Your Relationship Work, She'll Make It Work.

[bcgirl]

It's weird that she was kissing you for 3 hours and then afterwards got shy. It can be a whole slew of things. Perhaps she is a virgin and wants to take things really slow. Perhaps she is religious and felt real shameful and guilty for that 3 hour make-out session. Perhaps she has a boyfriend. Have you expressed how you felt? Maybe she wants something serious instead of a fling type thing and maybe she got the feeling that you just wanted to get down her pants?

[jaykay1989]

Perhaps she has a boyfriend. Have you expressed how you felt?

I don't think she has a boyfriend. She seldom socializes and a few times I have seen her at the University, she is with girl(s) and even when she talks about going out with friends, she says 'girl-friends'(German language is helpful here as it gives more information unlike English ) I only inquired the reason for not kissing to which she said 'I hope we can be just friends, if that is Ok with you'. I said but I like you and enjoy being with you to which she said 'liking is not enough for a relationship'. As i said before, her response to my messages hasn't changed and she is still eager as before to plan things with me.

Perhaps she is a virgin and wants to take things really slow. Perhaps she is religious and felt real shameful and guilty for that 3 hour make-out session.

I also feel she is virgin. She is 21 by the way.
Religious? NO.

Maybe she wants something serious instead of a fling type thing and maybe she got the feeling that you just wanted to get down her pants?

Me getting down her pants? As i said, I stopped doing that the moment I saw her hesitation.

Consider this. I come to your apartment and we have an intimate time together. When you invite me the next time again at your apartment, won't you expect me to again kiss you like last time? And I believe you would be too stupid if you thought sex wasn't on my mind after 3 hours kissing and cuddling? What confuses me is, if she did not want intimacy and felt guilty, why would she still invite me to her place where she lives alone???

[bcgirl]

Maybe she likes you but got her period or a yeast infection and felt shy about it?

[jaykay1989]

Maybe she likes you but got her period or a yeast infection and felt shy about it?

I don't think you'd ask a person to be just friends because one day when you were with him you had your period or an infection? Maybe she has a penis down there.

[pcmaster]

Maybe shes having great time but dont wana cheat on someone she likes more.

Or she might just ensure there are feelings in first place. Like shes getting attached to you from kissing and etc but not sure if you getting more attracted to her. Basicaly say you like/love her give her compliments make sure she knows.

And if by going down there you mean oral then compared to man half of the woman dont like oral.

However if you say shes shy as girl can be then ofcourse you will be the one innitating. To make her confident give lot of compliments and be confident yourself so she can get infected with your confidence. Also it works well when you say some shit about yourself, kinda bring yourself down so she feels upper. And with shy persons you want to take pressure off by making them feel free, like nothing is expected or pressured that theres always plan B. Dont always place all atttention on her but sometimes concetrate on other people while with her. Divide the attention cause shy girl wont feel comfortable being in centre of attention.

So basicaly talk good about her say some shit about yourself and put primary attention on non intimate activity and sometimes talk about or with other people. And be confident. Shy people like laud, outgoing, confident people.

[bcgirl]

And if by going down there you mean oral then compared to man half of the woman dont like oral.

You must be joking! Most women reach orgasm with oral. In fact, more than half the women aren't capable of reaching orgasm with just penetration and require clitoral stimulation. Seems like PC, you are obviously not doing something right in the bedroom. Please do a poll and ask females if they like oral or dislike it and you will see that you are really wrong

[pcmaster]

Thats why I said that. Its Okcupid dating site statistics. Been looking up the profiles and there are girls out there who likes recieving but not giving and some dont like recieving oral at all. They think its gross.

But This is more interesting

[jaykay1989]

So basicaly talk good about her say some shit about yourself and put primary attention on non intimate activity and sometimes talk about or with other people. And be confident. Shy people like laud, outgoing, confident people.

That is what I have been doing since she refused the kiss(and even before). But now its been 8 days since I last wrote to her(That was when she said at the last moment that she couldn't go to the cinema with me. We had planned that movie a week before). So she hasn't written to me in 8 days and I don't want to write coz I want her to write(I know its strange, but I am the one who always initiates the conv.)

[pcmaster]

Dont think making it up to her will do it. I know it sucks to do most of the job but thats how it is with shy girls. Seen girls who wont look at the guy they like when hes half naked just because they shy. Some girls rather cry alone than talk with guys they are attracted. So if you dont wana reach out first then better forget this girl and focus on girls who gives you as much as you give to her. Its realy so much easier once you get equal response. Beautiful, confident girls are so much more rewarding to approach.

[jaykay1989]

OK I finally gave in

Out of curiosity I wrote to her today and the reaction is the same. I suggested two ways to spend time together tomorrow and she agreed to both. I wonder what's on her mind about me. I'll give up trying to impress her but she certainly makes for an interesting learning curve