Moving on advice please

[st66]

Hi all, If you have read my previous posts you'll know I have been entangled in a 3 year emotional lock with this girl who has had for the most part a boyfriend, we spent nearly all our time together and he lives and works away so was only home every other weekend. It got very bad for me, we both have feelings for each other which has been said on many times etc but she has chosen her boyfriend even though at our last conversation when we decided to go no contact she couldn't tell me she didn't have feelings for me. Since Start of December it has been no contact, we did exchange a christmas and new year text which was nothing. She has made a few attempts to contact me via twitter, snap chat etc which I have pretty much ignored. I found out yesterday they are now saving to buy a house together etc which was horrible to hear.
I know it's over and am trying my hardest to move on so my question this time is do any of you have some advice for moving on, I struggle not to think about her everyday but then do keep myself busy with friends of which I have very good ones, I have a cinema card and 4 of us go most weeks, I help out at my local football club, I have just registered and started a blog to get back into being more creative again but it's the thoughts of moving on without her not having her in my life etc which is the hardest so am hoping you guys have some words of wisdom. I have started to reach out to other ladies and try and find someone which isn't proving to successful yet. I do now really want to forget about her, I do keep thinking should I have her in my life as a friend instead of not at all but I don't think we were or could ever just be friends.

Thanks in Advance!!

[Kromat83]

If you have feelings for someone and if she is your friend, there would be some communication.
Since you have pretty much have no contact with this person, that means that she wants no part of you for the most part, because she probably knows how you feel about her and it's easier to let go this way, as she knows where her heart is.

The reason your female seeking is failing, because you have moments where you are comparing them to her and don't give them the attention or your just not clicking with what you want.

Instead of searching for women atm, just take this to cool down for a bit, if it takes weeks or months, it'll be better in the long run.

Be happy first, then be miserable with your current state of mind.

Hope this helps.

[st66]

Thank you for your reply, I appreciate it.
I know she finds it easier to not contact me than I find it because she has on the most part what she wants, she has said to me that when she his with him it makes it easier not to think about me. The hardest part is I know deep down she isn't 100% happy, had a drunken phone call from her before we went no contact, well I had been no contact for a few months but she wasn't letting me do it, she said to me in that phone call how much she missed me and she knows she can do better, doesn't know why she goes back etc, knows nothing we have can be acted on etc.
So it was a very complicated situation which ad to stop and for the most part it has done.

I agree that I need to focus on myself and become happy with my situation rather than going out to try and meet someone to 'replace her' which is the wrong thing to do.
It's just trying to stop the thoughts of her all the time, I have unfollowed her, hidden her etc from social media so it's not in my face all the time. Need to get back to looking after myself and feeling better and move on from there I guess.

[Boisdevie]

You've been entangled in a shitty relationship because you've allowed yourself to be involved in a shitty relationship. She's playing with you and like a pussy you're allowing this to happen. You don't need her you need therapy of some kind because most people wouldn't put up with such crap for more than 5 seconds.

[st66]

Harsh but probably fair to some extent, I did see someone last year to help me through it, I also saw someone for anxiety/ocd issue's which I suffer from not just related to this problem which did help. I know I let myself get involved in a shitty relationship and trust me when I say I wish I had handled it a lot differently, but I can't change what's happened so was hoping for some advice from people that have moved on from situations and could suggest things for me to do. I've never gone through this before so I apologise if I sound a bit stupid but trying to work through it and improve.

[UKRomantic]

Awful feeling isn't it, sat there missing someone like crazy and you have the feeling they don't even think about you? That they meant the world to you, yet you meant nothing to them.

Stay NC, remove any number, texts and delete her from social media etc.

The only way you will stop thinking about her, is by not been reminded of her everyday.

[st66]

It is a horrible feeling and one I want to get rid off, I know I mean a lot to her but maybe not as much as she made out, anyway she's now chosen her path so I have to accept it and get on with it, well at least try.
I have deleted all texts etc so I'm not reminded off her, it's bumping into her which will be the hardest especially when they are together, we have similar circles so our paths are likely to cross so i will have to be polite and keep it to that as if our friends were to figure out there is a reason we're not friends anymore then that would cause a lot of problems.

Keep plugging away is the only way forward I guess.

[st66]

So she has been in contact quite a bit over the last week and a bit, well at least something each day except one I think, texts, snap chat (although prob not just sent to me) replying to things I put on social media. Might only be one text but there's been something, one night commenting on a new blog I have started, one night she text me saying 'someone has asked me how you got into your line of work, did I have advice etc' late Friday night she couldn't sleep due to worrying about something stupid at work and wanted some advice for sleeping (she knows from the past I have had trouble sleeping and have solved it with various techniques). She said it was so stupid what she was worrying about, was gone ay well it's prob due to bigger things but stayed well say from that. She offered me support yesterday as my grandfather has been taken into hospital, that was nice of her so don't mind that bit, not that I will go to her I wanted to but had to think no I need to not rely on her, need to be able to do it without her.
I have been no contact since before Christmas when it all come to a head, I have hidden her from social media but I guess se can still see me. Now I'll admit I have replied to her the last week but kept it very short, polite and only to one or two replies then left it. She knows how much it has hurt me over the last while so I have no idea what she was doing last week, I now the boyfriend has been away since before new year so I'm guessing she's lonely again and trying to reconnect which I can't do. I have found out they are also saving to buy a house this year which obviously wasn't good to hear but I have kept myself very busy with new blog I'm starting, going out, planning trips for the year etc I just want to know what's she's doing, she gets lonely when he is away living with her parents so god knows what she will be like in a house on her own all the time while he is only back every other weekend, but that's not my problem anymore.
Anyway just wanted a little bit of a rant, hopefully not boring you all to much.

[acemontana]

Just focus on yourself bro and forget about her...all that energy that you spend thinking about her start spending it on how you can improve your life and attract better people that will give you the proper love you deserve. Dont contact her at all!!! Take this time to heal from this wretched woman!!

[UKRomantic]

Yeah man, focus on you. Stay NC, only reply if you really need to.

Last thing you want it her trying to talk to you just because she's feeling lonely. She's made her bed, let her lay in it.

[st66]

I agree guys and we had the discussion that we needed to go no contact and I thought we had but the last week or two she has started to contact me again, now last night regarding my Granddad and offering support I appreciated that as I would do the same if it was her but the rest I dunno what she wants, does she think that a few weeks no contact is enough? The problem is I know she still has feeling for me and does;t really want to let me go, not that I am hanging onto that but I think that is where she is, I asked her to tell me before Christmas that she doesn't have feelings for me anymore as a closer mechanism but she kept ignoring it and when I pushed she said what difference would it make, it will either confuse you more or hurt you, that's just a cop out.
I am staying no contact from my side as I have to for my own well being plus have more important things to worry about right now. I just wish I understood what she wanted. I know to some part she is genuinely conceded and cares for me but we can't have the relationship when she has a boyfriend, I have to move on.