just sex or did he get feelings?

[camp8989]

To sum up my problem I had been dating a guy for about a year, but we weren't committed. He didn't want to be committed because he had just gotten out of a 7 year relationship that ended badly (also his first relationship). He is a very kind person, but I'm concerned about how things have gone down. It was very up and down (I would leave because I couldn't handle the lack of commitment, but then I'd come back). It bothered me that when I asked him if he loved me he would say he "could" love me. Toward the end he said a lot of reassuring things about how happy I seemed and how my mood seemed so much more even (he felt like I was too emotional with him usually). I couldn't stop smiling at him. The next time I saw him a week late at a party and things felt off from the start. He saw a guy kiss me out of nowhere. I was very drunk at the time but remember him saying "I don't want to hook up with you if you're going to let random guys make out with you" I kept trying to talk to him, but he kept refusing and told me I was "making a scene." I later apologized and said I was confused about why he would care since we weren't exclusive. He told me he didn't care, but it pissed him off that I made a scene. When I texted him back a day later, accidently sending him a text that wasn't even for him, he texted me back to **** off. A few weeks later I get a blank text and missed call from him at one am. I call him back a few days later and he tells him he was "just drunk and wanted to ****." It felt terrible, and I texted him back the next day "the next time you're drunk and want to **** forget my number." It's been about a month now since that happened and I guess obviously we haven't talked. In fact, we aren't even in the same country right now (I won't be home for another 4 months and he won't be home for another 2 months).

Essentially I want to know: Why do guys act like they want non monogamous relationships? Why did he have to act so mean if all I am is sex to him? Did he realize he gave a shit and freaked out or is he just done?

even though he hurt me I miss him a lot, and aside from this he was always a respectful and kind person to me who took time to talk to me and spend time with me outside of having sex. Yes, we had sex a lot, but hey, we had really good sex.

[smackie9]

Guys can enjoy "good sex" without being in love or have any strong emotions. Never mistake jealousy for love. When he saw you kissing that other guy was just a blow to his ego and nothing more. He realized he doesn't possess you like he thought. Stop hoping for commitment, sex doesn't make a guy become committed. You want a BF, stop sleeping with guys who say they are not looking for anything right now. So to answer you question yes it was just sex. If it was love he would have told you.

Just move on.

[Wakeup]

Essentially I want to know: Why do guys act like they want non monogamous relationships?

There was no "acting" here. He didn't act like he wanted a non-monogamous relationship. He outright showed you in actions that he didn't want one because he never committed to you.

Why did he have to act so mean if all I am is sex to him? Did he realize he gave a shit and freaked out or is he just done?

No All that conjecture is based on your own wishful thinking.

He was mistakenly embarassed by your behaviour because he thought that others knew you two were fk buddies so it would look bad on him if you're the one that is in control and he's the one that isn't calling all the shots. Like Smackie said, it's ego. Certainly not love.

but hey, we had really good sex.

Yes and sadly, you thought it was going to lead you to having a relationship with him. Sex does not equal love. Lust does not equal anything but lust. Actions such as being exclusive with you and asking you to be exclusive with him and actually showing you in words that match actions that he is committed to you and you alone. Sex is just sex if all you're doing is having it with one another, talking to each other through mutual conversation and not much more. That's just being a non-threatening, non drama causing fk buddy to him.

Read the book: "He's just not that into you" so you understand what its actually like when someone is just there for the ride and someone who is there because he loves you.

[FlaCooln]

Ok I am going to offer a different perspective based on my experience.

Just because your a **** buddy doesn't mean it cannot turn into a relationship. I had a girl that I dated briefly my Freshmen year of college and we just went on a few dates and some mild hooking up (no sex). Then, we both went on a long vacation seperately and didn't see each other for a few months and just didn't rekindle things when we got back to college. Then a few years later (Senior Year of college) we ran into each other because we had the same class and basically became friends w/benefits. But, there was more to it then that we were spending a lot of time togehter and having a lot of sex. Well that ended a little bit before we graduated college because at one point I didn't want to be exclusive and then she didn't later on. Then, about 2 years later we ran into each other at a party, both of us nicely intoxicated, and one thing led to another and we ended up at my place and slept togehter. The next moring we both decided that lightning never strikes 3 times, so we became exclusive and were together for almost 2 years.

So yes a **** buddy can turn into a relationship. Unless the girl is just a hookup meaning (shes not good looking enough to bring out or not smart enough to actually spend time with).

[smackie9]

Your chances of it turning into something is very small. You would have a higher chance with someone that is more emotionally available. Not worth the hope and effort.

[Wakeup]

Ok I am going to offer a different perspective based on my experience.

Just because your a **** buddy doesn't mean it cannot turn into a relationship. I had a girl that I dated briefly my Freshmen year of college and we just went on a few dates and some mild hooking up (no sex). Then, we both went on a long vacation seperately and didn't see each other for a few months and just didn't rekindle things when we got back to college. Then a few years later (Senior Year of college) we ran into each other because we had the same class and basically became friends w/benefits. But, there was more to it then that we were spending a lot of time togehter and having a lot of sex. Well that ended a little bit before we graduated college because at one point I didn't want to be exclusive and then she didn't later on. Then, about 2 years later we ran into each other at a party, both of us nicely intoxicated, and one thing led to another and we ended up at my place and slept togehter. The next moring we both decided that lightning never strikes 3 times, so we became exclusive and were together for almost 2 years.

So yes a **** buddy can turn into a relationship. Unless the girl is just a hookup meaning (shes not good looking enough to bring out or not smart enough to actually spend time with).

There is always an exception to the rule. Like smackie said though... The odds are higher that it won't turn into anything then that they will. If OP wants to waste time by putting this 'thing' they have going as a priority rather then an option, then chances are high there will be a long drawn out wait for what is wanted.

Just because your a **** buddy doesn't mean it cannot turn into a relationship.

No one said it automatically precluded it from forming into an exclusive relationship... We've been answering the Op on what we think will not form in her particular "thing."

So yes a **** buddy can turn into a relationship. Unless the girl is just a hookup meaning (shes not good looking enough to bring out or not smart enough to actually spend time with).

Or the guy is an asshole not worth settling down with but he has a big dick and will do until something decent and good comes along. O.o

[FlaCooln]

Or the guy is an asshole not worth settling down with but he has a big dick and will do until something decent and good comes along. O.o

Lol, of course. But, I was speaking from a guy's perspective. However, in my experience the older women get the less time they have for assholes. Plus, if a woman doesn't respect herself enough to be treated well I wouldn't want to date her.