Live in ex boyfriend doesn't seem to care that we broke up

[4 ratties]

My story- me and (ex) bf were together for 18 months. We Have been living together for 10 months and still have two months left on our lease so were staying room mates. I wish we could get back together and he did make a comment that shows that I could probably talk him into trying it again, but I don't think he can do what I need him to do. It's been 3 days since I broke it off and he's telling me "it's easy to get another woman" and overall just a huge attitude of like this breakup is nothing and losing me is no sweat of his back. It's very hurtful and I don't know what to think. Trust me this breakup wasn't a test to see if he would fight for me, I truly believe the breakup was needed, but I just can't believe the lack of caring he has. It's no big deal. Can anyone relate? Guys did u secretly care but didn't show it?

Usually when u break up, u part ways, but I have to live with him for a couple more months and I've been seeing firsthand how he's coping with the breakup and he's coping by playing Xbox constantly and laughing and having a good time while I'm devastated that he wouldn't put more into the failing relationship. All he needed was to change a little.so do I just assume he never really cared about me? We were so close til about 3 months ago.


I haven't talked to him in person about the breakup because it's still fresh and I know I would blow up. Weve only been talking thru text. Just haven't been ready. But I'm talking to him tomorrow. So maybe ill get some insight from him tomorrow on what he's thinking but was just curious on if anyone can relate? Does he think I might not really even leave? That ill regret it and get back with him? He's been on and off with all his exes. And I broke up with him a couple months ago for a couple days. So maybe he thinks I'm not serious, but this time is worse, we insulted eachother during the breakup like we never have before.
My mind is just whirling after this breakup. Lots of questions and he's answered a lot of them over text but my last question is why does he act like he doesn't care? He didn't care? He never had feelings? Why wouldn't he ever break up with me then?
Ever dealt with An ex that acts like they don't care about the breakup?

[basilandthyme]

Sorry that you're in this situation Ratties.

It's possible the relationship was causing strain on him and he's relieved that it's over. Sometimes the end of a relationship can be met with relief rather than grief. It's a sign that the relationship was well past it's use-by date and did need to be ended. Of course, this doesn't mean that he didn't ever care - I'm sure he did love you. But it sounds like his love may have died down.

You asked the question "All he needed was to change a little.so do I just assume he never really cared about me?". This stance can easily be countered with "she didn't accept me for who I was. I'm better off finding a woman who loves me for the man I am and doesn't need me to change".

See if you can negotiate a way to get yourself out of the apartment earlier.

[HDBadger]

He sounds like he is doing exactly what he should be doing.

You dumped him. Tough s*it for you this is how it's working out. He sounds like a guy who has his stuff together and has healthy self-esteem. So no, it probably isn't killing him. He's probably not putting much thought into it at all.

At some point, he probably cared. In fact, I'm almost certain he cared about you. But now? He may still care, but probably not very much. And maybe not at all.

You dumped him. Period. End of story.

Move on. That's all you can do.

[HDBadger]

All he needed was to change a little.

This is one of the biggest reasons women screw up relationships with their men. They try to change them.

[Starnique]

You dumped him. Tough s*it for you this is how it's working out. He sounds like a guy who has his stuff together and has healthy self-esteem. So no, it probably isn't killing him. He's probably not putting much thought into it at all.

Totally disagree.

I think he has an attitude about it and is trying to cover it. A lot of guys are like this, not all but a lot and they have egos. I only speak from experience and there has been times when I have ended relationships or flings and they act like they dont care but deep down they do. Hell, I have acted like I didnt care. His behavior is so silly. Its so obvious to me that he is doing this to get under your skin. Saying he can get another girl anytime...lol total red flag. Whats the point of that comment besides to hurt you or piss you off? You was with him for a while, so he is hurting just like you but in a different way. Acting like a person is having the time of their life is a dead give away.

Anyway, heres how you fix that. I am not suggesting you play games because we are all adults. However, start mirroring the treatment and this will show him that you are just fine without him and not only that honeybee, but this will help you to get over the break up also. Do you have friends? Activities or other interests? Start doing those. Hang out with friends. Continue with your life. Go out for a night in town, while hes sitting on his ass playing video games. Try to be as active as possible during this time left. Act like hes a straight up roommate at this point. Nothing in between. Walk around ass naked just like hes non existent. Put a little extra into your look if you go out. Seriously, Ratties. I can assure you that he'll lose that snide grin afterwhile..IF he ever gave a damn about you. Nobody truly in love gets over a break up that fast. I dont care what anybody says. As I said, this is not a game but it is you moving on also, showing him and most importantly for yourself.

[HDBadger]

...Or he knows from experience the best way to get over a breakup is to be well, live happy, and move on. I've done it, and I wasn't "pretending" anything.

If you want to play games, do what Starnique says. And they are games, no mistake about it. You "mirroring" his actions, or doing anything but leaving him alone and getting on with your life, is playing a game.

The only one who will get screwed here if you mess around is you, because you can't fathom why he isn't on his knees crying. When someone breaks up with you, it's very, very easy to not care about that person anymore.

I'll say it again: What he's doing is a completely normal, healthy way to live after a relationship has ended.

Leave the guy alone.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

He doesn't have to be over the breakup to be moving on with his life. He never said he doesn't care or didn't care, he just realizes he doesn't have you now. Maybe it hasn't hit him and will come later. Maybe he already knew the break up was coming, and has just been acting like a dickhead so you would do it, and he won't have to live with you after the lease is up.

[Starnique]

...Or he knows from experience the best way to get over a breakup is to be well, live happy, and move on. I've done it, and I wasn't "pretending" anything.

If you want to play games, do what Starnique says. And they are games, no mistake about it. You "mirroring" his actions, or doing anything but leaving him alone and getting on with your life, is playing a game.

The only one who will get screwed here if you mess around is you, because you can't fathom why he isn't on his knees crying. When someone breaks up with you, it's very, very easy to not care about that person anymore.

I'll say it again: What he's doing is a completely normal, healthy way to live after a relationship has ended.

Leave the guy alone.

So him throwing up in her face that he can find another girl easily and laughing and all that while he know she is walking around moping is normal and mature? I specifically told her not to play games. I told her to function as if he wasnt there and to continue with her life and start having a good time just like he is. I think thats pretty normal too and healthy. It may appear to be a game but its really her getting over him also. She may as well move on too.

You came off real cold towards her. Yeah, I was dramatic as usual but she'll get over him also this way. There is no game.

[Wakeup]

...Or he knows from experience the best way to get over a breakup is to be well, live happy, and move on. I've done it, and I wasn't "pretending" anything.

If you want to play games, do what Starnique says. And they are games, no mistake about it. You "mirroring" his actions, or doing anything but leaving him alone and getting on with your life, is playing a game.

The only one who will get screwed here if you mess around is you, because you can't fathom why he isn't on his knees crying. When someone breaks up with you, it's very, very easy to not care about that person anymore.

I'll say it again: What he's doing is a completely normal, healthy way to live after a relationship has ended.

Leave the guy alone.

You dumped him. Tough s*it for you this is how it's working out. He sounds like a guy who has his stuff together and has healthy self-esteem. So no, it probably isn't killing him. He's probably not putting much thought into it at all.

Odds are against that "guess."

My guess is that his reaction to the breakup is a front and that once the reality of it sets in, he won't be as cavalier as he is letting on. Most men have been taught from birth that crying isn't manly, that showing emotion and being vulnerable to someone that has just shit on you isn't the thing to be doing. Anything less then I'd say he's rather sociopathic rather then "with good self-worth." Everyone who is human has some remorse when a relationship ends.

Rattie: You have broken up with him. That means you should be a little more indifferent to the way he has reacted to that reality... unless of course you really did think that breaking up with him is a means to control him and you thought that it would scare him into changing.

Bottomline: If you're not happy with who he is then you've done the right thing by breaking up with him. The only thing I would have advised differently is that you wait until you were closer to the end of your lease before springing it on him and then neither one of you would have to endure the BS of faking it until it's done.

Sorry it didn't last the test of time, be strong and forget about how he reacted. Odds are its an act and he'll be true to himself once you're gone. He doesn't owe you that display though.

I truly believe the breakup was needed,

Thats all that you need to know to get to the end of your lease without wondering about his ego and how he copes.

Concentrate on you and getting yourself over him since its clear you loved him but he just wasn't who you thought he was, he wasn't trying to resolve that so you're better off without him.

[surfhb2]

If a few thousands dollars on a lease is the only thing between you and him at this point move out! Money vs sanity? It's a no brainer

If it was your decision, Why do you care what he thinks. You should be happy and relieved!

[Wakeup]

^^^ Good advice if you actually have the bucks to buy out the rest of the lease, Rattie.

[JadenMia]

The reality probably hasn't set in for him yet because your not even gone yet. He doesn't miss you being together because basically you still are. I know that even if me and my boyfriend broke up, the real sadness wouldn't hit until we were actually apart.
If the breakup was needed and this is a good thing, then just try and get on with your life with him not in it. This is a good time to come to terms with the end of things and to concentrate on you.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

Starnique, you always like to point out the three sides to every story. We don't have anything from his side, but she is the one initiating the texting and meetup with him, and has clearly been pushing him for a reaction. All we have is a half sentence quote with zero context attached to it..we have no idea what she said to prompt him to say that.

She's saying she isn't doing this for attention, yet that's the only thing she wants. She said she already broke up briefly a couple months ago with him, only to go back to him. She said she doesn't want to get back with him, but she wants him to beg her to. She is already playing games. She's an attention whore, and he's treating her how they deserve to be treated, instead of acting like the groveling saps we see on here.

[Starnique]

If a few thousands dollars on a lease is the only thing between you and him at this point move out! Money vs sanity? It's a no brainer

If it was your decision, Why do you care what he thinks. You should be happy and relieved!

Agree.

Yeah Ratties just move on and take this time to concentrate on yourself. Carry on like he isn't there. You May as well get used to it. I know from a few of your previous posts that you was really into the relationship and you loved him so I know it's hard for you and I'm sure he can see your hurt so if thats the only way he can respond to you, even if it is a front, then that's like a lack of respect so you shouldn't want to stay with a guy that don't respond to your feelings anyway. Breaking up is probably the best thing. You're not an attention whore because you broke up with him him in hopes that he cared enough to change and you expect remorse from him after all that time together.

[4 ratties]

This is one of the biggest reasons women screw up relationships with their men. They try to change them.

Change as in giving me more attention. Not change as in I wanted him to quit smoking or something. If u don't know the facts then don't be rude .