Need some help about an ex :/

[Jawnoh]

'm going to try to make this as short as possible, I have posted a bit about it, but I'm really in need of some advice. My ex and I dated for almost 5 years, best friends since 13(20 now) and grew up together. She went off to College last fall(2012) but comes back for the summer and winter. The relationship wasn't always healthy, and we both did things that should have never happened. For one, I treated her as a possession for the better part of the first year of our relationship, and as possession, I mean the needy boyfriend who wants to know what she is doing at every second. I was 15 at the time...so I guess it's part of my youth. As we got older, and "matured" our relationship dynamic improved, we always had chemistry but our communication skills really started to soar and our problems were non existent except for petty arguments here and there.

Fast forward to this past August, I had commented that her roommate seemed to be a really bad influence on her(she is a mormon straight edge who never drinks, smokes, etc) and her roommate was trying to get her to smoke and drink constantly which I didn't really appreciate it, yes I know it's her life...but....
Her roommate who I later met was dating a football player at the time, had pleaded to my ex to break up with me. The argument got to the point where she did "break up" with me, and I gave her a few weeks space. She contacts me a few weeks later saying "she has had time to think and she wants to get back together" .I mention that I had been thinking about making the trip up there to see her and spend a week with her, and she was down for it...but this is where it gets messy...her sister is friends with my best friend and had a conversation with my friend in which she mentioned, "he doesn't know half the things that go on when she's at school", she mentioned that her roommates and good friends "constantly battle about who has the perfect relationship, who is the happiest, and basically compare each others lives like it's a game" The real piece of news was that my ex had "hooked up with the starting running back on the football team the previous year" As soon as I heard this I contacted my ex and had asked her what happened, she claimed that the "football player got the wrong message and pecked me on the cheek". Being the stupid naive guy I was, I believed her and told her that I would be up to her school in a week and we could discuss it then. I Went up to visit her and the trip was PERFECT. We got to spend an incredible amount of time together and really see what our relationship could be, she even agreed that I should move in once I'm done with my transfer units, which I obviously felt was a realistic idea.

Things were great from September to this past December, our communication skills were improving again, and her roommate got to know a bit more and vice versa and we put our differences aside......but around the beginning of December things started to go south, she had mentioned that we should get promise rings for Christmas around the end of November but as December went on the distance really got to both of us, I told her "I can't love you the way I want to when you're not in California", she admitted that she wasn't in love with me and had been feeling this way for a couple of weeks. We broke up December 15th. She had told me to not contact her and give her space, which I did, until I received a text on December 21st that read, "I'm moving on and so should you, I love you but I'm not in love, this is best for the both of us". I called her and asked her what made her feel this way and found out that she had gone out on a date with another guy and they kissed and had a great time and that my time was up. She planned on coming home that night and I told her if she wanted to see me that she could contact me when she was back in town, December 31st she contacted me and asked if we could talk, she got to my house and we ended up talking, and she concluded that there was nothing else to talk about, we ended up sleeping together. After she told me that she had been on several dates with this new guy and had even met his parents but that "she didn't really like him as much as she thought". I thought "okay, she's obviously confused". We talked about what happened and she claimed that she was confused, and didn't know what to do, decided that we should see each other one last time before she goes back.

January 4th we meet again, this time we kiss, hold each other, hold hands, talk about the future and our plans for school, and talk about all the good times we had, we were acting like a couple, in which she confessed, "I don't really feel the same talking to him as I do with you, and I can't even remember our first date". We both agreed that we needed space from each other, we had been in almost constant communication for 6 years, and it would be best to just take a break. She called me "beautiful and that I had the most beautiful eyes" and ran to catch me before I left and kissed me and told me she loved me. She texted me some short time after saying she had a great time and that she is proud of the person I'm becoming..

Yesterday, I contact her asking if we were going to take the break, she had just arrived back at school, she responds we can't be friends right now, I was content with that idea, but then she responds "we are over, you and I are over, I don't know what else to tell you". I called her for clarification, "Are we on a break or are we over....for good". She responded that we should date new people and that she doesn't want anything from me, that she is "so out of love with me and that we are not compatible" and "it's best for you to move on". I know she saw the other guy yesterday and asked her straight up if she had cheated on me with this guy and which she states, "things happened so fast, but I didn't cheat"

I guess you could say I'm really confused because she has made statements like, "I've had time to think" yet several hours later will say "I've had no time to think", or "you need to date others" then get mad when I say I am going on dates, or even better, when I blocked her from all communication she asked if I could "unblock her from instagram so she could keep tabs on me".

Is this girl just confused? or does she really know what she wants?
Should I just give her time and see what happens? has she been messing around with this guy for months?
Sorry for the super long thread, /end rant

[basilandthyme]

My advice is that you need to take the reigns here. The reason you feel so confused and out of sorts is because you've given all your power away. You're paying more attention to what she may or may not want or need than you are to your own needs.

Fact of the matter is that the relationship has run it's course. You know it, she knows it, we know it. Decide on what YOU need to do and just do it. Take your power back!! If this involves asking for no contact or blocking her on social media, just do it. What she wants should have no relevance to you at this point in time.

[TulipRose]

You need to take some of the control back.
What do you want?
What do you need?
What will make you truly happy?

She's been giving you mixed signals so no wonder you've felt confused.

She may well change her mind again soon, and if she does, make sure you have the decision on what you want to do.

Are you still 100% in love with her?
Would you be 100% happy to be back with her?

She needs to grow up a little and work out what she really wants too.

For now, focus on yourself, do things you enjoy and things to make you happy.

[Jawnoh]

She's already begun dating another person. So I guess that's all I need to know about her. Said she moved on from our several year relationship in a little less than a week. Oh well. That's life.
I am not 100% in love with her, I love her, but at the same time, I'd take her back in an instant.
I haven't talked to her in two weeks, and recently found out she's deleted every photo of us on her social media sites, over 1000+ photos...neccassary I guess.