Hi everyone
I have had, in the past, many abusive relationships. I have suffered from anxiety and agoraphobia (still suffer but I am very positive and proactive) and I haven't had an easy life but the good thing is that I am strong despite all that's happened, although I do have a soft heart.
I have finally found the man of my dreams...and it took a long time! He is sensitive, caring, very intelligent, great sense of humour and loves me to bits...and I really do love him (I didn't think I'd ever find anyone to love!).
But...there has to be a but, doesn't there?! He was married for 28 years to a woman with OCD and she left him in a very heartless, cold way that broke his heart. This was more than two years ago. One of the problems is, when he was with her, they ran up huge debts, remortgaging the house and credit card bills and he was silly enough to hand over all financial responsibility to her and they both knew how to spend! As a result of this, he is so tight with money with me. He earns a very good wage in today's climate and I have much much less than him but I am nearly always the one who pays for meals when we are out. He is so tight with money, sometimes we sit in virtual darkness to save on the lec bill! If we are out for just an hour, he turns everything off at the mains to save on the electricity and even though now that I am living with him, as the house is his, I give him money towards me living there, I am actually paying him the same amount as his mortgage. When we go grocery shopping, he buys the cheapest stuff and I have paid for so much in the past. He never treats me to a surprise meal. At Christmas, the presents he got me were impersonal and not expensive, and me being me, had overdone it. Yesterday I complained to him and said it wasn't fair, when was the last time he treated me to a meal? He just went quiet. I have got him little gifts in the past as well, as we haven't been together long, but he doesn't do the same for me. Oh he got me a mug once!
Perhaps when the bills are paid off (which will take a long time!) it will be different, but it feels like I'm paying (literally) for his and his ex wife's past mistakes. I am far from money orientated, quite the opposite, I am very generous (stupidly really, but I get so much pleasure from giving) but this feels wrong.
What do you think?