I’ve been with my girlfriend for a little more then 9 months now, and I’ve been more or less struggling with feelings of insecurity and jealousy the whole time. I’m not so much jealous of anything in the present as I am about things in my girlfriend’s past. I know she has had quite a lot of sexual partners before me, was a topless dancer and is very sexually knowledgeable. This seems to play on my mind endlessly. I get constant streams of thoughts about partners she might have had and what she did with them. I once read some stuff in her diary about sex that both shocked and disgusted me. But after we talked about it I thought I probably took a lot of stuff out of context and that maybe it wasn’t as bad as I first imagined. But things like this still bothers me and make me anxious about our relationship.
I can’t stop thinking about my girlfriend’s past. I can’t even walk down the street with her and see another man glance at her as she is very attractive, and not think: “Has she been with him?” "Have he seen her naked in her past profession?" And if we’re engaged in sexual play, I’ll often find myself asking, “Where did she learn to do that?” And then I start imagining the dozens of times she’s been with other guys.
I’m not sure if what I’m experiencing is actual jealousy or something else. I trust my girlfriend in the present, and I know she truly cares for me and supports me with my problems and I’m sure she wouldn’t hurt me with doing things with others while we’re together. My problem is letting go of the things she’s done in the past or possibly even discovering new things about her past sexual exploits. I can’t even imagine how I would feel if I ever met someone she has had sex with or even possibly performed for.
What are these irrational fears and insecurities all about and how do I get over them? Has anyone ever got over this issue in a relationship? or can offer some advice on what I can do to get past this.. it's the only thing that's stopping me from letting go completely.