Roller Coaster of Love!!!

[tiritarnangel]

About 6 months ago I wrote a post on my relationship. Please read for background info if you wish. We are still together, we moved into a NEW place together. I just think I am so crazy to do it still. I have a nagging voice that says why are you doing this? But I also have another voice saying this could totally work, there is not another person like him and there never will be. Alas! I am not as happy or peaceful as I should be. One very good thing is I have learned so much patience and tolerance for others and their quirks which is something I desperately needed for a very long time.

However, I am not sure I want to keep myself in a place of constantly having to be tested. My boyfriends addiction has waned and he has sought proper usage and help, which really boosted us. However, an issue I did not mention early on that has been there since the beginning still arises in the sneakiest of ways. He can never admit he is wrong, at fault or take real responsibility in a conflict. If I have an issue that I want to discuss with him, it usually does not matter how I bring it up he wants to turn it around and never really look at the issue I am bringing up so eventually I give up but end up feeling resentful. It's like no matter what he feels like I am attacking him, that I am always taking issue with something he does or that I am always evaluating our relationship when really I just want to work something out that bothers me. Then I start to think, am I just an easily annoyed person?

On the other hand...

He is like my ROCK, he is definitely someone I look up to and admire, someone that I appreciate and adore. A very real person with very real issues that I want to work through and help him with but I am not sure he will budge. He has a fear of being controlled or dominated. I just want to be able to express myself and be understood. He is never aggressive or mean to me he just cant be told anything. He cant be "wrong."

Has anyone had a relationship like this that smoothed out? I feel like so many (if any) will reply that I should cut my losses and leave and of course I know that is an option but I just want to find another solution because I really do love him, is love enough? Can people who seem to be incompatible work together?

I also get the feeling he is incompatible with MOST people bc of his relationships of the past, his interactions with family and the way they have all talked about him, including what he has stated about his interactions with others. He has told me that he always ends up separating from people. that he thought he would always be alone in life because of his personality and his ways. I am pretty sure he is happy with me for the most part, unless I start to nag but he just doesnt seem to realize that a lot of times he is the one who is causing problems by his behaviors and refusal to acknowledge other' points of view on serious issues in the relationships. He is way too smart not to know this stuff but I think his ego and pride keep him from opening his heart to forgiveness, humility and understanding.

We have a very romantic, dreamy type courtship and it was all very deep and beautiful. We are much more in the "comfort zone" now and we are defiantly strongly bonded. I know we would both be okay without eachother but I just cant figure out which is worse, staying or leaving. I just dont know what to do. Last time I got 0 replies. Probably too long of a post but I just need someone to talk to about it so I am here again. I am the fool. I am walking off the cliff not looking that I am going to fall. I guess I just let go...let the cookie crumble. _tiri

[HeartIsAching]

This will not end well.

[Wakeup]

From your other thread:

The problem is that day to day living with him is just bringing me down. With or without drugs he drives me crazy. He has a million habits that rub me the wrong way

and here we are six more months later and you're still not happy and asking us what you should do.

I suggest you get help for your codependency and your own opiate mis-use and then once you've graduated from your own therapy, 12 step programme, co-dependence anonymous or Al-anon that perhaps then you'll have the strength to either leave or stay and have learned to be happy with your own choices in life.

I find that what most codependents do is they just keep complaining but they never do anything about it. As with all people who are codependent you have to learn (with help from the above sources) that you can change you and your own behaviour but you have zero control over him and his behaviours and if he's not wanting to change things on his own then it's up to you to either leave him or make the changes YOU have to make within in order to accept him without being unhappy and complaining.

[TheEvilJester]

I didn't have anything to add, since others have already given good advice in this thread, as well as the earlier one referenced above. I simply couldn't resist this...

[lovewhisperer]

I didn't have anything to add, since others have already given good advice in this thread, as well as the earlier one referenced above. I simply couldn't resist this...

LOL this is hilarious. I laughed so hard