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Thread: He has a female friend who I am struggling to accept

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Feb 2014
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    Female
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    He has a female friend who I am struggling to accept

    My boyfriend and I have been together over a year now.
    This time last year he was moody and would blow hot and cold, I recently discovered that that was down to seasonal affective disorder. We have a really good relationship, we never argue and have the same goals in life etc.
    In May 2013, I moved in with him pretty much and he went off work with work related stress due to his job. I supported him through that and helped him move house come June 2013.
    Come Aug 2013, we hit our first relationship hurdle where he became very distant and asked me to move out because he felt a bit smothered. However during this I left him alone and he hooked up with a girl.
    Within 2 weeks of me moving out he came crawling back and started inviting me out and back over.
    The horrendous then happened in September 2013, he had a very bad car accident where I was called to the scene and he now has severe whiplash and scarring over his body.
    I moved back in and we have got back together.
    I knew he still had contact with this girl and that they were friends and I confronted him about it in December and he said they're just friends and that there's no need to worry, he want me and not her. We didn't argue it was civilised.
    I accepted it although I feel awful and down about it and he knows it upsets me.
    We spent Christmas together, but now this girl keeps trying to invite him around every week for a cup of tea and to play cards. I act okay with it because I don't want to control him but he always asks if I'm okay with it and he says thank you and he promises to text me constantly when he's there, which he does. When I'm with him he isn't rude and doesn't text anyone much.
    It's breaking me, am I being insecure?
    He's talking about holidays and planning things with me but I wish she wouldn't contact so much.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Feb 2013
    Gender
    Female
    Location
    Ireland
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    9,938
    Why did you get back with him? He dumped you so he could f**k her and now he thinks its acceptable to keep her as a friend. I would dump him and never look back. A year isn't that long together and hes already caused you a lot of pain. Its not worth it.

    As for his car accident you could have sent him a get well card and kept your distance. That is what I would have done. Its not "horrendous" if hes not paralyzed or dead by the way..
    "Don't ask a question if you can't handle the answer".

  3. #3
    Join Date
    May 2011
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    Female
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    Canada
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    On top of that ^^^^ why in gods name would you PRETEND to be just fine with him hanging out one-on-one and doing date like activities with someone he basically cheated on you with?

    You have successfully set yourself up to be at the very least, totally disrespected and at the worst you've practically given him permission to cheat on you with her, once again.
    You really need to stop framing him as the prize, and consider yourself the prize instead and if he can't stop dating other women while with you, then he doesn't get to have you. Stop being so desperate for a wanker that you'd lie down and let him torture you like you're doing. You obviously don't like what he's doing so why would you pretend that you're fine with it? That's sad and he will take advantage of your fear. If not with her (if he's not already doing her) then with some other woman in the near future.
    “The willingness to accept responsibility for one’s own life is the source from which self-respect springs.” ~Joan Didion

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Nov 2012
    Gender
    Male
    Location
    Sleepy Hollow NY
    Posts
    475
    You should never have taken him back, he is using you, he keeps this girl in his back pocket, and you just sit there worrying about saying anything about it in fear of losing him over it??? Give your head a shake. This guy doesn't deserve any consideration. You better think things over again and see that this guy is not being very fair to you. Sad to say history is just going to repeat itself without a doubt. I agree with the ladies here....

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