I'd like advice I think my girlfriend cheated on me!

[confusedguy1012]

So my girlfriend is pregnant, it's been a rocky pregnancy we've almost lost the baby a few times. She's really been needing a lot of emotional support which I totally understand and am willing to give. With my work i'm away most of the day and she stays home in bed on bed rest because of having issues with the pregnancy which again i'm not complaining about. She's been really stressed out lately and during the day while i'm gone she's been having her best friend (whose a guy) staying with her during the day and I was nervous at first but I trust her so i'm fine with it. The other day I came home to her cuddling with him asleep on his chest and that bothered me a little bit. I feel that because i'm not able to be there during the day and he is that she's going to fall in love with him. I feel hurt that she was cuddling with him like she was and I feel like she cheated on me. When I saw them cuddling I got really mad I kicked him out and yelled at her. Was I in the wrong to do that? Was that cheating? What do you guys think should I let him come over when i'm not home? What do you guys think of this situation?

[woody]

Okay. Talk to her about your comfort levels. That's your baby in there too and while you must go off to work, of course you'd get alarmed coming home to a cuddle session that didn't include you. Still, that doesn't mean she cheated. Human companionship is important and could be she just needed a cuddle; that being said, I feel for you in that I'm sure you'd rather it be you with whom she cuddled with.
Who is this guy? Has she known him long, have you known him long? Because frankly, most men would avoid coming into some other mans turf and cuddling with his pregnant wife/girlfriend/life partner, what have you. So, yeah, what's the scoop on this guy?

You two are having a baby. If something makes either of you uncomfortable, sharing this info is key. Even if it's harmless, if it bothers you, one would assume she would alleviate any outside interferences, ie. this other guy and his cuddles.

Be concerned but don't fret too much. I bet she just needed to be held and you were not around. Though that hurts I'm sure you can come up with a solution.
Hold her, tell her how you love her and give her a back rub, draw a hot bath, pamper her. sounds like she needs it if she's willing to take a hug from a friend. Sounds like she needs you more now that ever before.
best wishes to you future Daddy. Congrats!

[confusedguy1012]

Okay. Talk to her about your comfort levels. That's your baby in there too and while you must go off to work, of course you'd get alarmed coming home to a cuddle session that didn't include you. Still, that doesn't mean she cheated. Human companionship is important and could be she just needed a cuddle; that being said, I feel for you in that I'm sure you'd rather it be you with whom she cuddled with.
Who is this guy? Has she known him long, have you known him long? Because frankly, most men would avoid coming into some other mans turf and cuddling with his pregnant wife/girlfriend/life partner, what have you. So, yeah, what's the scoop on this guy?

You two are having a baby. If something makes either of you uncomfortable, sharing this info is key. Even if it's harmless, if it bothers you, one would assume she would alleviate any outside interferences, ie. this other guy and his cuddles.

Be concerned but don't fret too much. I bet she just needed to be held and you were not around. Though that hurts I'm sure you can come up with a solution.
Hold her, tell her how you love her and give her a back rub, draw a hot bath, pamper her. sounds like she needs it if she's willing to take a hug from a friend. Sounds like she needs you more now that ever before.
best wishes to you future Daddy. Congrats!

Thanks man, and your probably right, and he is her best friend since childhood, I think what bothered me most was I don't know him that well, but i'm sure your right she just needed a hug. Also ya it did hurt but I think it's my fault all this happened for not being there when she needed someone.

[woody]

In this case, because he is an old and dear friend from her childhood, you have even less reason to worry.
Get to know him better. Sounds like he's going to be like a cosmic uncle to your baby and you'd want to know him.

Take him out for a few and have a nice chat. I imagine through gaining insight into his character, you'll find a friend and feel less threatened by his presence.

[confusedguy1012]

In this case, because he is an old and dear friend from her childhood, you have even less reason to worry.
Get to know him better. Sounds like he's going to be like a cosmic uncle to your baby and you'd want to know him.

Take him out for a few and have a nice chat. I imagine through gaining insight into his character, you'll find a friend and feel less threatened by his presence.

Once again thanks man you really helped settle things down a bit. Even if we dont get to be great friends I should still know him if he's going to be in my babies life. Thanks Again!

[Mattiemae]

It's natural to feel the way you do. There is nothing wrong with setting boundaries and it seems to me that he was crossing the line. I've had alot of men friends, but none of them held me like that, you have every reason to be concerned, and although she may not have meant any harm, you are right because emotional attachments happen, and you should be the one nurturing her in that way. While both can make up every excuse in the book why you're wrong to feel the way you do, you have every right to express yourself about the situation.

Men and women can be friends, but their are boundaries and if she's pregnant in a relationship, he should no that to begin with.

[confusedguy1012]

It's natural to feel the way you do. There is nothing wrong with setting boundaries

I'm afraid that if I start setting boundaries on her friendships she's going to think i'm controling her how would you do that without upsettng your girlfriend.

[michelle23]

Print off an article on emotional affairs and how easily it can happen. Tell her its fine to have friends but there has to be boundaries with male/female friendships in order to protect your union together as a couple.

She shouldn't be spending one on one alone time with another guy-definately not on a regular basis. Your relationship needs to come first especially now with a baby on the way. Ask her how she would feel if she came home and you were cuddling another girl like that? She would react the same way-if not worse

[Wakeup]

I'm afraid that if I start setting boundaries on her friendships she's going to think i'm controling her how would you do that without upsettng your girlfriend.

You're not asking her to stop seeing him. You're just asking her to respect you and your relationship.

Call her mother and ask her to be your wife's emotional support at this time. "Cuddling" is not something opposite sex friends should be doing.

BTW, Just curious but: Why is she your "girlfriend" and not your wife if she's carrying your baby?

[Wakeup]

while i'm gone she's been having her best friend (whose a guy) staying with her during the day and I was nervous at first but I trust her so i'm fine with it.

No you're not.

[confusedguy1012]

You're not asking her to stop seeing him. You're just asking her to respect you and your relationship.

Call her mother and ask her to be your wife's emotional support at this time. "Cuddling" is not something opposite sex friends should be doing.

BTW, Just curious but: Why is she your "girlfriend" and not your wife if she's carrying your baby?

Her mother is not in her life anymore no one in her family really is, so that why I let her best friend be there, and trust me I wish I could afford to leave work but I can't so I really don't know what to do, besides let him be there and maybe set boundaries this time. Also she will hopefully be my wife soon enough I have a ring I just need to figure out how i'm going to propose.

[michelle23]

You shouldn't "just let him be there". You should be protecting your relationship with the mother of your child by telling her straight that she should not be that close to any man other than you.

[michelle23]

And what man puts that much effort into a "friendship".. OP your a man-you should know men don't make that kinda effort unless they are in love

[confusedguy1012]

And what man puts that much effort into a "friendship".. OP your a man-you should know men don't make that kinda effort unless they are in love

I know and I also know they've dated but my only other option at this point is to let her be alone from 6 am when I leave till 7 pm when I come home and if something happened to the baby because she couldn't get to the hospital in time I would die, or last time she almost lost the baby I almost lost her too and i've never felt as sick and hurt and just ready to die as I did then. So no I shouldn't just let him be there but, what else do I do. Besides her emotional health is not good right now, and she cries most of the day I can't just leave her alone.

[confusedguy1012]

You shouldn't "just let him be there". You should be protecting your relationship with the mother of your child by telling her straight that she should not be that close to any man other than you.

I think that if I "tell her straight" with where her head is she'll take it the wrong way and leave me.