In need of some advice

[odinzerox]

I know this probably won’t get me anywhere but I really want to let it out. So I met this girl on an online game around last April/May. Since then we have become very good friends. We talk online everyday (voice chat program), webcam from time to time, etc. She is very down to earth, funny, pretty, we have a lot in common. I’ve been having pretty strong feelings for her these past couple of months.

Now there are two problems: I live in PA, and she lives in FL. Also, she is in a long distance relationship with a guy that is also in PA, like 3 hours from me. She’s been in this relationship for like 3-4 years now and they are engaged. It’s the type of engagement where they’re really not planning on doing anything. Almost like they’re engaged just for the sake of being engaged. The guy has no job, no goals/aspirations, just sleeps most of the day and plays games the rest of the day. He is just overall pathetic and whiny, and she thinks so too but is too nice and that type of thing. There have been hints here and there that she is getting sort of fed up with him sometimes and I do sometimes get the feeling that she may have some feelings for me, even if it’s just a little. Obviously I understand being hesitant about expressing feelings for someone else in this type of situation. A lot of times it seems like she would much rather talk to me than her boyfriend. I’ve never felt this way about any other girl. It literally makes me feel sick knowing she might end up marrying this guy.

Don’t even really know where I’m going with all this, just wanted to let it out somewhere. Is it hopeless?

[basilandthyme]

She probably won't marry him. Or you either for that matter. One day she'll have an epiphany that a workable relationship is where we can real time with our partners. To laugh and hold and kiss and hang out together.

I think it's time you got out and started meeting girls who live near you. She needs to do the same, but I guess she'll figure that out in her own time.

[4 ratties]

oh please thats not a real relationship. anyone can get along while they are planning gamwes and webcammimg all the time. real life is when u spend real time with eachother. u dont really know her. you think u do but u dont. both of you guys try living with her or spending real time and see how it goes

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[odinzerox]

Her current boyfriend would visit her only once or twice a year. Visiting her or flying her up here would not be an issue for me. It just makes me sort of angry because she deserves someone that actually has goals and plans for the future and is willing to show that he truly cares. Her boyfriends behavior makes me question if he really cares for her as much as he says he does.

[Mattiemae]

Well let me tell you met by partner online playing a virtual reality game. May have taken five years because we're in different countries, but now we're in the same country and never met anyone more compatible. No plenty of other gamers I hung out with that met online and got married. Fortunately the best things in life are the ones you wait for and have patience for! Let me explain you meet a guy or woman offline you get wrapped up in lust and physical sex. Online you build a foundation of friendship and companionship. No different than in WWII when woman and men wrote to each other in the mail. Really we just email and skype. That's what my mom kept saying it wasn't real and fantasy. lmao! Two visites to America and one to Europe. But it's the intimacy the sharing of information and really becoming best friends and companions. Wouldn't have done it any other way. So if it's meant to be! It will be! You never know how your blessings coming! Why limit yourself to one small town and area, when you have the whole world.

[odinzerox]

It's really not the gaming part, its just the fact that she is a great person and i've never connected with any other girl like I have with her. The gaming is just bonus points.

[michelle23]

this girl cant be that great if she cannot find herself a real bf who has some aspirations. Women who settle for men like him have to have deep internal issues... your better off away from her.. seriously

[odinzerox]

From what I understand, when they first started dating he had a job and they saw each other more frequently. He lost his job shortly after I met the both of them, and hasn't even been trying to get back on his feet since then. He's not a bad guy by any means, but he complains and whines and just acts pathetic all the time when we talk online. She has said multiple times to me that she also thinks its pathetic, annoying, and that it makes her question a lot of things. it feels like she is slowly starting to get fed up. Like I said though, she is too nice and has been with him for quite some time, so obviously there are hesitations and confused emotions. I don't know, I just have never met someone that I felt this way about before her.

[Mattiemae]

Sounds like to me maybe he got depressed after he lost his job and got unmotivated which is normal. We perceive people as being lazy because they may go through loss of some kind, but do you really know all the facts behind his situation or the circumstances. How much does she leave out. Yes he can be playing the victim mentality, most people do. lol More than we like to believe when their life isn't going the way they would like it to be. Really either way she really has to decide whether it's you or him.

There is lots of nice guys out there. Usually a woman is searching for the fitest man emotionally, mentally, spiritually, and physically, as well as financially. I believe healthy men do the same thing, search for a independent woman that is the fit in those ways.

The thing is take your time and get to know her. Don't be in a rush. I've seen people appear one way online for a year and totally be someone else a year later. It's very difficult online and the more time you get to know someone the better in my book.

[michelle23]

Its an online fantasy relationship-its like falling in love with a robot. A computer screen wont keep you warm at night. Realistically you and this girl have no future. How are you supposed to have a proper relationship with someone you never see? Seriously man take off your rose tinted glasses and find a girl that lives down the road

[Mattiemae]

Ha Ha Michelle, hate to tell you this, but listened to people tell me this stuff you're saying for five years. They just got a big wapping surprise, it wasn't so fantasy after all, and now together offline. So yes there are naysayers that tell you it is not real and fantasy. I know plenty of couples met online married and have babies. Probably healthier lives and relationships now offline than those that met down the road.

[Mattiemae]

Most people can't relate to online relationships unless they've lived it and experienced it. Offline: down the road. You depend on visual: focused on looks, and you get into sex and attraction. Well than you find out you don't know much about that person because you never really based it on friendship,interests, comapionship, intellectual stimulation. Not saying it doesn't happen down the road, but I was with guys down the road. None of them knew me inside, intimately, or what I was about. The soul connection wasn't their. Online I found that person because you are forced to communicate on every level. Communication goes along ways, and most married couples have problems with communication, and being intimate on other levels emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. Sex and finances may be good, but than they feel distant and alone, lonely, and their not connecting. So online you are forced to communicate in those areas versus basing it on the physical and sexual attraction. You learn to see through deception, lies, how people hide, how they really are lieing to their spouses offline, because they don't get those other three areas, and end up online searching for it, and get it and have emotional and mental affairs. So really it depends on the two people and how mature they are online or offline to have a stable healthy relationship and whether it be fact or fiction by their thoughts, assumptions, and reality they choose to live in. Either way you can find the right person. Down the road just limits the opportunities, and options. Why limit yourself if you truly want to find someone that is compatible and matches you in alot of ways. Why settle for less when you deserve the best.

[Boisdevie]

Meeting people online is fine PROVIDED they then go on and meet the person in real life asap. I met my GF online. She lives 45 minutes from me. We met in what we grown ups like to refer to as 'the real world' after a few days of chatting.
Compare that with some socially challenged retard who meets someone through some online gaming bullshittery and then spends weeks, months, years in some kind of virtual 'relationship'. That is just so much wasted time. But you can't stop people being stupid. So let them continue with their fantasy la la land whilst the rest of us normal people get to spend time with our partners, hold hands and (gasp) perhaps even make love once in a while. Much better than whacking off during a Skye conversation don't you think?

[Mattiemae]

Boisdevie, probably depends on what gaming site, and also the two people involved, finances, where they're geographically located. Some people don't have the finances to jump on a plane in an instant. So La la land, I suppose some people are, others are not, they use at as a platform to interact with each other while they wait for circumstances to arrive where they can be together in real. Really not every online relationship has the same story or circumstances, so no I don't judge others for what platform or how long it takes them to meet offline in real life. While you may have 45 minutes, try an ocean that divides two countries. Most of my friends did meet on a virtual reality game. We talked through voice, skype, email, facebook, and different platforms. Sure we played. On the other hand most of us had partners in different countries. lol Easy for you it was 45 mintues away and a short time. It takes awhile to save money for a house, and moving, and permits and visa's. So sorry everyone doesn't have an easy road like you to be with someone they love. It isn't fantasy for everyone, but maybe for the players, that are on those games to role play or what ever. People are on there for different reasons.

[odinzerox]

Like i said, if we were together, i would go see her as much as possible. Whether i have to drive down or fly. Forget I even mentioned the whole gaming thing, its just how we met. We hardly play games with each other that much, we just talk online through a voice chat program (teamspeak) and webcam at least a few times a week. I fully understand the guys situation too, we talk on the same program. He has passed up multiple opportunities for work and even going to college for almost no cost. He just makes up excuses and has no logic. If there's one thing i cant stand, its people who complain and do nothing about it, especially when they know they have the ability to. Thanks for all the insight though everyone.