I seem to attract women in relationships

[RobertWQ]

I seem to attract a disproportionate number of women who are already in relationships. Or to put it another way, women in relationships tend to be the most forward or aggressive with me compared with single women, and I don't quite understand why.

Single women may or may not be interested in me, but rarely have they behaved in as forward a way as women who are already in relationships do.


I can think of a few possible reasons, but I'd like to hear from you women as to what you think about this.


Possible reasons:

- Women in relationships are more confident and thus less intimidated, so they act more forward

- Women see me as a person who reminds them of something they are not getting from their current relationship

- Women see me as discrete / someone they could hook up with while staying in their relationship?


Basically, I seem to repeatedly attract women who are in relationships but behave more aggressively towards me than any single women ever do, and I would like to understand why.


Examples of aggressiveness means things like asking me for my phone number, trying to involve herself with me in some way ... my first serious relationship started when I was 18 about to turn 19, and she was actually a married woman of 28 who pursued me strongly in the beginning ... and she eventually left her husband and we got together but it did not work out.


This is clearly a pattern ... and it is happening now as well ... a girl in my O-Chem class sits next to me each day with her boyfriend on the other side. She is always talking to me and behaving in a way that I recognize / take to indicate attraction / interest (in what, I'm not entirely sure), and her boyfriend seems to get uncomfortable when she's talking to me and will interrupt us and laugh uncomfortably. This is not me initiating any of this either, as I don't talk to her first ... and she comes to sit by me each day because I'm usually there before she is ... (or her boyfriend could always sit next to me for example).


Anyway, point is ... women in relationships tend to be the ones who most aggressively express interest in me ... why are they doing this ?? Thanks.

[ivory_eyes]

I'm sorry if you get offended by this (it's really not my intention) but maybe it's because women don't see you as relationship material. For some reason they just think of you as someone who is good to have fun with, someone who can give them what they don't get from their boyfriends/husbands but not someone who they're willing to commit to. They probably don't take you seriously for some reason. I don't know what could be the reason for that, so maybe you could discreetly ask your friends. Merely asking them what they think of you should give you some insight.

[Mattiemae]

Like attracts like so for some reason you must find them attractive if you are involved with them. Maybe if you made it a habit of not paying attention to those kinds of women or participating with them at all and focus on the one's that are single you will re-direct your attention where it is more appropriate.

We participate with other people. Yes women can talk to you or come on to you, but you're the one that make the choice whether you want to develop a relationship and on what level. Really you seem to be writing from an intelligent point of view the way you wrote this, so I would assume, you are self aware. I've never seen your photograph, but it may be your attractive to many women. It really can be the way you set boundaries, to how you interact with them, what you believe is someone taking interest in you. It's hard for us to know, by not watching you interact with a woman. lol Sorry, but it's kind of like guessing here.

[RobertWQ]

Thank you for the insightful responses. I think there is truth in both of your posts, although I think at least in my longer relationship (when I was 18 as described above) she did take me seriously enough to leave her husband. The most recent girl did not, however. Though she was also much younger than me and he behavior reflected this I think.

However, there is still an important (to me) question unanswered. And that is, why is it that the women with boyfriends and husbands come on so strongly ?

Single women will often give me an indication that they are interested, but they usually seem to leave it up to me to make a move.

However, these women (all in relationships) did not wait for me to make the move, but instead actively pursued me, in some cases rather aggressively. Why?

[Mattiemae]

It's just whether a woman is shy or aggressive. Some woman do expect the man to lead the way because like for me It was a guide to know whether he was interested in me. Whether he was serious, or respectful, a gentlemen. So I know alot of healthy woman won't chase after men, because they end up with men that don't treat them right. Aggressive woman are usually ones that are past their fears and insecurities. Also can be too they just want sex and a good time. So just depends on the woman I guess. I am feeling really you kind of attract them because you're focused on them. Like some woman will focus on men that are taken and end up dating them. It's more of a challenge whether they can steal them away from their partner. It boosts their ego and they get bored with them after they've won them. Just saying! You may or may not do that, but you really will have to make an effort to avoid relationships that partners are already taken.

[bekho]

Dude its just a fact. I have a friend who's married. He makes a point of keeping his ring on when he meets girls. I felt the extra power too when I was in a relationship and talking to other girls.

When you are in a relationship you automatically become more attractive to the opposite sex because a) you are loved by someone b) you are more confident c) there is no fear of misunderstanding. If you flirt too hard it doesnt matter.

Sent from my Nexus 4 using Tapatalk

[RobertWQ]

I'm sorry if you get offended by this (it's really not my intention) but maybe it's because women don't see you as relationship material. For some reason they just think of you as someone who is good to have fun with, someone who can give them what they don't get from their boyfriends/husbands but not someone who they're willing to commit to. They probably don't take you seriously for some reason. I don't know what could be the reason for that, so maybe you could discreetly ask your friends. Merely asking them what they think of you should give you some insight.

What types of things would determine whether a woman sees you as relationship material in the way you're describing?

[Wakeup]

why is it that the women with boyfriends and husbands come on so strongly ?

They're already paired up so you appear SAFE to them.

I was 18 about to turn 19, and she was actually a married woman of 28 who pursued me strongly in the beginning ... and she eventually left her husband and we got together but it did not work out.

This was just some twat that you enabled to cheat when you were impressionable. Its akin to abuse (no man will agree with me but it is) Now you're fixated on other men's women and you THINK that they are coming on to you but all they are doing (probably) is being nice to you or friendly and you over-react.

- - - Updated - - -

That scenario you provide about the girl in your class is an example of what I'm talking about.

[fearoflove]

Some women like to flirt with other men to make their current boyfriend jealous.

[Wakeup]

Some girls like to flirt with other men to make their current boyfriend jealous.

Fixed that for ya, FOF

[Valixy]

Many people are attracted unconsciously towards love triangles because that's how we first experience love as children through the relationship with both our parents. It's damaging for everyone involved to pursue them as adults though.

I wonder if you prefer to take a passive role towards relationships and find it easier to simply respond to the advances of daring/experienced women. Anyway it doesn't result fulfilling for you and you should just ignore those kind of situations. Love relationships are so more enjoyable when they don't involve so many doubts, secrecy and divided affection. Try taking more initiative towards single girls.

[smackie9]

I'm sorry if you get offended by this (it's really not my intention) but maybe it's because women don't see you as relationship material. For some reason they just think of you as someone who is good to have fun with, someone who can give them what they don't get from their boyfriends/husbands but not someone who they're willing to commit to. They probably don't take you seriously for some reason. I don't know what could be the reason for that, so maybe you could discreetly ask your friends. Merely asking them what they think of you should give you some insight.

To add you give them what is lacking in their relationship....attention and your willingness to oblige.

[RobertWQ]

What would determine whether a woman sees you as relationship material versus "someone who can give them what they don't get from their boyfriends/husbands"?

[smackie9]

Women that are looking for BF material want someone with substance, more to offer than just attention.....they want the full package, good looks, trendy dresser, fit, someone who can dance is a ++, has a strong social circle, is good at socializing, flirting, carries himself well, has interesting interests or physical manly interests like fishing, sports....and that just getting your foot in the door. You don't have to be all those things BUT your odds of finding women who look at you as BF material will be very high.

Would you consider yourself a "nice guy" type that gets friends zoned?

[Valixy]

What would determine whether a woman sees you as relationship material versus "someone who can give them what they don't get from their boyfriends/husbands"?

I think that some things are more important than others for some girls, depending on their personality and their preferences may change in time as they get older.

My advice for you would be to not be intimidated by girls or feel that you have fulfill a list of expectations in order to get a decent girlfriend. Most girls, like most guys, struggle a bit to build up and maintain all their life in order. Because, let's face it, it's not that easy to be successful at work, but also have happy positive relationships, including the one with your family, plus interesting hobbies, exercise, keep yoursef well informed, learn new things all the time, have a charming personality too, etc. Somewhere along the line we're destined to meet difficulties, because that's how life is.

Just try to improve yourself as a person (for yourself) and you'll meet the right girl for you. Not everyone finds their sweetheart in their early twenties and there's no reason to hurry either, but try to enjoy life as it is and take little steps trying to make it better.