Ended with a GREAT girl on Valentines Day. Was I wrong?

[dk1ace]

This guy is almost 30 and talking about an "ideal" girl. He's basically taking all of their traits, summing it up to a number, and trying to decide if he could ditch this one and get a higher number.

Why haven't we denounced him as an asshole and moved on yet?

There goes the idea that you have to marry by a certain age. That you have to know what you want by a certain age when we all know age means nothing. If I had experienced this at the age of 22 then yes Im pretty sure by now I would have a better idea of what i want and need in my love life.

Everyone including yourself has their own choice whether you write on this forum or not. You're not obligated to put your opinions here nor were you obligated to create a profile and start posting anything.

With that being said thanks to all of you who have read my story and responded. This is helping me grow. Yes I'm almost 30. So now when I hit 30 this experience would have helped me learn more about myself which I already am.

[KingZ]

Everyone including yourself has their own choice whether you write on this forum or not. You're not obligated to put your opinions here nor were you obligated to create a profile and start posting anything.

You're absolutely right. I'm not obligated, but I chose to register, I chose to put my opinions here, and I chose to call you an asshole. Problem?

[dk1ace]

You're absolutely right. I'm not obligated, but I chose to register, I chose to put my opinions here, and I chose to call you an asshole. Problem?

Obviously not as I used your comment to springboard my saying THANK YOU to everyone who read my story and shared their "opinions".

[Wakeup]

This guy is almost 30 and talking about an "ideal" girl. He's basically taking all of their traits, summing it up to a number, and trying to decide if he could ditch this one and get a higher number.

Why haven't we denounced him as an asshole and moved on yet?

I think I did in a round about way. Can't have Cerby saying I'm scaring away the newbies by being direct.

- - - Updated - - -

I don't write off anyone. I just put out that I always thought I would end up with this one type of girl but always told myself I did not want to limit what kind of girls I dated. Why not date people outside my box?

Well why not, at least then you'd have an excuse to bail since they aren't your "ideal."

This situation is just helping me grow guys. Sorry if some people feel I get offended but I'm just trying to find myself in this.

Are you or are you trying to find people to assuage your guilt?

So far a lot of this is helping so thanks.

These "opinions" are really only "helping" if it pushes YOU past your rut of doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. You're 30. How many more non-ideal women are you going to **** casually only to leave them because they were never what you actually wanted?

Whether her and I become a couple or not at least I learned to keep all options open.

What?


You're not an asshole by intention... you're just coming across as one because you're doing things with women who are not the right ideal. That you know are not the right ideal yet you go along with them until they fall for you (with this one anyway). That is something for you to think about and change up so this doesn't keep happening to you and the woman who agree to continue on orgasming casually with you when they really want much more then just that. Particularly if it's in your face clear that they want more.

[dickriculous]

Brah, it sounds to me like you have a simple case of buyer's remorse and your anxiety toward commitment is a result of a combination of said buyer's remorse and cognitive dissonance.

I don't have a black and white solution to this but I have some relevant bits of wisdom that you may or may not already know and either way hopefully you can put them to use.

1) The "ideal" woman doesn't exist.

2) Even if you find a woman who seems "ideal" you will find fault in her eventually

3) With the sense of buyers remorse and cognitive dissonance you have now #1 and #2 combined will start the relationship on a downward spiral.

4) Lamenting the one that got away may not be quite as painful as lamenting a commitment/marriage that you end up regretting but it's not much better.

5) Whether you're 21 or 30 I'll tell you the same thing - you have time but that time will come and go before you know it. When you're 85 and dying 20 will have felt like yesterday. Don't use that time for complacency, use it to make something happen and go for what you want out of life so that you have no regrets when it's all said and done. You won't regret the things you did as much as you will regret the things you didn't do.

6) You are not entitled to a perfect woman. You are not entitled to anything. You deserve only what you go after and make happen yourself. Whether this leads you to a happy, loving, lifelong relationship or a life of bitter resentment toward what could have been, you got what you deserved.

7) Commitment involves a leap of faith to some degree - this is impossible to avoid. You don't want to accept it but you have to unless you want to continue the trend you're on now until you're too old to keep up with it anymore and spend the rest of your life thereafter alone. The truth is that the universe doesn't give a **** what you want and it will not grant you any guarantees about any commitment you pursue, if you want to make one happen you have to accept this and pursue one anyway. That's the reality we live in - it doesn't give you guarantees, only possibilities. The choice is yours as to whether or not you want to make the most out of those possibilities or shy away from doing so because those possibilities are not guarantees, but you can't do both.

[sophiaadam]

i think you don't want to be with her because you don't know that she loves you or not

[amandabrooke]

I think you should tell this GREAT girl about the immature number system that you've been using to rank her personality vs. physique. See how much she values and appreciates you then. Honestly, I don't know this girl, but it doesn't sound to me like you deserve her.