ex fiance is already engaged to someone else after only a month of us breaking up

[butterflykiss]

Hello..I need some understanding of situation. My ex and I had been together for going on 4 years. We have 3 children together and got engaged about a year ago. We both decided we would wait until the time was right ( mainly finances) before we would actually tie the knot. He was very eager it seemed to get married, but I on the other hand have been married before and it ended bitterly..so needless to say I wanted to wait till I knew it was right. My ex fiance and I have struggled a lot in our relationship and have broke up several times. Mostly due to him not wanting to work and support his family. He would try for a little while then just lay down on us again. I've just realized he's never going to change for our family..but heres the latest. I asked him to leave..the very night he moved in with another woman and her three kids. We've been split for a month and he's already engaged to her with plans to marry soon like in the next cpl months. This is way to fast I feel for anyone to get married. He hasn't bought his kids anything..diapers clothes .nothing since being gone & only seen them a handful of times. This woman he's with he's known for a very long time n she's always tried to be with him & tried several times to break us up..he never showed much interest in her before but now they are engaged only after a month of living together. Is this real? Or is a rebound? Or is it a stab at me because I wouldn't tie the knot so soon, or he's bitter because I made him leave? Please help. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thank you.

[Wakeup]

Well, he's her problem now. It's amazing how these types of men can pull naïve and mixed up women in so quickly.

You're better off without him. Next guy, don't have any children with him until you know that he's not a loser. Seems you jumped into parenthood way too quickly with this guy. Funny thing is you didn't marry because of finances but you thought you had enough money to have three children with him?

Cool story bro. Welcome to the forum.

[butterflykiss]

You are absolutely correct"! I shouldn't have jumped so quickly into parenthood with him..he is gone now n I'm left to raise my children..I made him leave because I knew life would never get any better with him. He is a mooch..& always will be. Thank you though for your input. Guess I just want to hear it more and more how he needs to stay away. This new woman is just as bad as him...neither work and she has 3 kids that have different Dads...they live off the government and like it..they don't want to change....I thank God for giving me the courage to make him leave so I can better my life & my kids lives.

[Kiechi]

Butterflykiss. Good on you, I'm happy to of read your post. You are right, you had the courage to willfully create drastic changes to your life to ensure you and your kids would have a better future. I admire that courage. You should be very proud of yourself! and like wakeup said before me, it's her problem now. Just don't make the mistake of taking him back (Because he won't be with that woman for very long and there is only 1 place he will be crawling back to).

[Mattiemae]

He's with someone else now. Not your problem anymore. Really you didn't want to marry him, and feel he's a loser. So wish him the best of luck and move on with your life.

[Sunnybeach7]

File for child support.. they will make him work or put him in jail, or at least take his driver's license if he has one.. plus then he will always owe you back support when he "does" get a job.
I would imagine this woman supports him? If she has a job and they marry, I'm not entirely sure, but I think they can take part of her wages as well.. maybe this will changer her mind about how she feels about him

This man should be taking care of you and your kids, or at the very least, himself. If it was just you and him, that's one thing.. but to do this when he has kids that need supported.. ohhh sorry, that just really touches a nerve with me.

I just read what you said about them living on the government.. they won't marry then.. because at least one of them will be made to work.. and from what you said, it doesn't seem like either of them will, and they will lose their assistance without one of them at least performing a job search and accepting whatever job they can get.

File for that child support, immediately.

[Mattiemae]

No they can't take her wages. The spouse is not responsible for offspring of another relationship. They can only take his money, and of course she will hollar about that, because the war over money starts. Really these days it's risky to live on welfare. lol To many changes at the moment. They won't be paying their rent that is for sure. Medical and food is about all they will get. Goverment is cutting down on all this, because to many people are on foodstamps. Government can't handle them all at this point in time, so really welfare may work for a few months, but job is a must whether people are going to like it or not these days. Because they're not going to help you survive. Policies are being changed every few months because of all the people with out jobs.

Really being a single mother is tough, but men find ways to get around child support, and yes those policies are getting tougher too, with drivers license and jail in some states. But really you can't worry about this dude, or count on his money. It takes months sometimes for the system to hunt down men, and get your money, and they quit jobs all the time to mess it up so there is delays, work under the table etc. etc. So the thing is go file out the child support, but make sure you have education and training, and a job and rely on yourself, because no one else is going to take care of you.

People can walk in an out of your life any time, so take control over your own life and don't depend on anyone else to provide for you and your children. There are people that will help you time to time, but that is always situational and temporary. While most people dwell on the ex and what he does or doesn't do, it is natural and normal. But really it's wasting your time and energy, when you're focus should be on making the right choices, and taking the right steps to avoid catastrophe and learning how to survive in this world financially smart, and responsibly.

[Wakeup]

^^^^ You are not talking from actual knowledge. Yes, depending on where they live, they can take child support payments for someone else's offspring if they have been in thatlittle persons life after a certain length of time.

If he's not working under the table then they can court order garnish his wages and it is just another one of the many deductions that come off the top.

but make sure you have education and training, and a job and rely on yourself, because no one else is going to take care of you.

this ^^^ is good advice.

[michelle23]

I think you should be glad this loser is gone from your life. You can have a better life without him. Focus on your kids and forget men for awhile. If you do meet someone else-make sure he is not a good role model and has a job too.

Your ex sounds like the type who wont make any effort with your kids now that he has a new family. That is sad but theres nothing you can do about it. It is up to HIM and hes not gonna step up.

You have got to be mammy and daddy now
Good luck to you

[Mattiemae]

I don't know what state you're from, but by my experience, and others where I've lived, the spouse of the ex isn't responsible to take care of the child of another mother or father. Even on their taxes they can separate their information to avoid this, when you go to friend of the court they only go by the one parent's income not the spouse. Only biological parents. So they must do things different where you are, because the biological parent's are the only one's responsible for their children.

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Well I can see you're from Canada by your flag! I'm originally from the United States! So that may be why things are different concerning child support. We have the license thing, and don't believe they go to jail. Because they just have a hearing for them to explain why they aren't paying. I know enough times with my own ex- they get away with it, and it does catch up with them, but usually after they locate them again by social security, but they can switch jobs, work under the table, and know because I've experienced it myself. Really if they want too, they can get you all messed up with lawyers and wasting your money. lol

[Wakeup]

Social services will take care of him. This doesn't take a lawyer. If Op is going to need welfare because the father is a deadbeat, then they are going to want to get some reimbursement for their money.

[Starnique]

Take your ass to child support first thing Monday morning. Also go to Social Services if you need to or haven't already and apply for every service that you may need for your children. Its nothing wrong with letting these services benefit you until you get on your feet. That's what its for. In the meantime, make sure you learn, work or and/or go to school so you can get in a good place to be able to support yourself and your children. Work hard towards your future. However keep his sorry ass on child support for the remainder of the time. He has the legal responsibility to financially support them.

Wakeup is right. For a lot of services for welfare, he will have to be on child support to reimburse.

My source, my mother is a supervisor for social services and she know these things, therefore I do.

[Sunnybeach7]

No they can't take her wages. The spouse is not responsible for offspring of another relationship. They can only take his money, and of course she will hollar about that, because the war over money starts.

I don't know about that.. I know of someone I personally worked with.. her husband owed support, and they attached her wages too. She used to bring only bread and jelly for lunch because their wages were attatched so much that they barely could live.
Now I don't know their full situation, or if it had to do with maybe specific laws in this state. And of course they won't attach what is paid in welfare, but they will attach disability if either of them can get it .. which I doubt

You are also right that you can't count on them for the money.. possibly ever. While there are laws in place, I think it's really rare that they are actually enforced.

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Social services will take care of him. This doesn't take a lawyer. If Op is going to need welfare because the father is a deadbeat, then they are going to want to get some reimbursement for their money.

That's right.. welfare will go after this guy and make him pay and do job search and stuff probably if she applies for welfare of any kind. They even took from my daughter's father this way even when we were living together at the time, because we needed food stamps.. so they would take from him just to give it back in food stamps lol