Forgive and forget? Help please

[Jordane1993]

If you were the mother , what could I do to let me see your daughter again after being banned for 5 years?
This is what happened.

Right, so we were caught having sex in her hot tub by her father when I was 16&she was 15.
She got pregnant & had an abortion when she was 15
her mother caught us having sex
me and her father have almost got into a fight several times
Her mother, Her and a girl I was going out with at the time (who I also have a child with) had massive arguments in a local pub
I cheated on her (I know im an idiot, I was 15 and stupid!)
Ive argued with the mother
I know its quite a few things, but they all happened so long ago (the one with my daughters mother happened 2 years ago) My parents originally said I wasn't to see her but they have gotten over it and welcomed her back into my home, surely there has to be a way for her to forgive me, shes only human.

[basilandthyme]

Jordane, your post is very confusing, so please forgive me for asking questions to clarify.

Have you been to court to seek regular access visits? Do you pay regular maintenance? Does she still live at home with her parents? Do you have a job or are undertaking vocational training? You mentioned your parents welcoming her into their home - does this mean you see the child's mother at present? If so, why does she not bring her daughter too?

That aside, the two of you were a parent's nightmare. Did they not teach contraception at school??!! Frankly, if the parents are blocking you, it's really not surprising. Likewise, I understand why your parents blocked her.

If you want to get past her parents, you're going to have to prove you've changed and become reliable and sensible. At the very least, you must be clean, have a sensible haircut, be well presented, not do drugs or drink to excess, have a job and be paying regular child support...or if you're not working you must be undertaking further education or vocational training, attending regularly and passing your course with flying colours.

[Valixy]

If I understand you correctly, the girl your question is about had sex with you when she was 15, her father caught you both in the bathroom, she got pregnant, had an abortion, you cheated on her, had arguments with her mother and almost got into a fight with her father. You then had a baby with another girl that you're not together with.

My personal opinion is that her parents can't get over everything what happened and they shouldn't either. You sound argumentative, agressive and irresponsible. How did you treat her then???

You were young, yes, but it wasn't so long ago and you disrespected every common sense rule that guides a relationship and there's a price for that. You should continue working on your personality and leave this girl alone. She also held part of the responsibility, maybe even her parents, but this is a different story. The relationship you had with this girl was very sad, because no one should face all those problems at 15. Love is supposed to be enjoyable, not an ongoing conflict. Learn from this experience and do better next time.

[basilandthyme]

Interesting to read your take on this Valixy. I thought the child's mother was the first girlfriend (two pregnancies, one termination). OP can you please clarify this?

[Starnique]

If you were the mother , what could I do to let me see your daughter again after being banned for 5 years?

Not a damn thing. I'd want your ass far away from my child. Forgiveness is key but I don't have to forget and you have shown to have a real bad character. Not that their daughter is an angel BUT she is their's to deal with, you're not.

She's grown at this point I'm guessing when I do the math from then, until now...5 yrs later. So she can do what wants unfortunately. Hopefully she'll make an intelligent decision. I wouldn't like it and my daughter would know it. I'm not saying people don't change but I'd rather not deal with it but I went thru a lot with my ex and my family seen it and he was the cause of the problems and you would have to go!

If I understand you correctly, the girl your question is about had sex with you when she was 15, her father caught you both in the bathroom, she got pregnant, had an abortion, you cheated on her, had arguments with her mother and almost got into a fight with her father. You then had a baby with another girl that you're not together with.

That's what I got from it.

[basilandthyme]

I'm far too confused. Waiting till the OP comes back with more info

[Jordane1993]

I'm far too confused. Waiting till the OP comes back with more info

Yes, The girl I am talking about, the one I have problems with the family is not my daughters mother, didn't realise that wasn't clear sorry!
We broke up for a few months, Started seeing other people and I got someone pregnant, I have regular access to my daughter & have a full time job.

Last night my ex was crying to me saying she just wanted it all to be okay and us to be together but her mother is still dead against it.
If you knew the girl like I do, youd understand that she is worth all the trouble and hard work this will be, id move the mountains for her and im just looking, maybe for a little advice, just a few ideas on what I could do to atleast get the mother to give me the time of day to hear me out, to see that ive changed.

[vashti]

I don't think enough time and maturing has happened in order to make me okay with it all, and I am not sure it is even possible, to be honest. I think you should just leave this girl alone, and let her find someone who hasn't got such a tarnished history.