what to do?

[secretaffair]

im married, so is she, been seein eachother now for a year and a half, split briefly a few times but found we just couldn't stay away. on each occasion it has been her decision, but i was always there waitin when she changed her mind again.naturally as time goes by the feelings get stronger and now we are in limbo because she feels she is in too deep but needs time to decide if its all worth carryin on, so in a way i still have half a chance, or do i?

[shh!]

Jaysus, I am losing my faith in humanity!

I suggest you read other threads that address this issue. You will get your garden variety of "love is more important than anything, you poor guy" responses (please note that there are many very young people who post to this forum) interspersed with grown-up responses telling you what a worthless jerk you are.

I think you should both divorce your spouses and get together. Sounds like you deserve each other.

[secretaffair]

well i appreciate ur candid remarks...to the point at least. there is a bit more to it than than that...kids etc, the fact that we do still have feelins for our respective spouses aswell and that is probably the the reason for the eratic stability of it all, we just seem to share more interests with eachother, but hey, u dont want 2 know about that i guess.........

[stonesnbones]

I would love to get involved with this discussion, but if I did it would be 10 pages long about how I observe the general populations sense of loyalty is so low, how all they want is to feel good NOW all the time, and a whole ton more observations.

[secretaffair]

lucky im not american then, and i f u cant be happy for now, whats the point of anythin?

[shh!]

I would love to get involved with this discussion, but if I did it would be 10 pages long about how I observe the American people sense of loyalty is so low, how all they want is to feel good NOW all the time, and a whole ton more observations.

Another honest-to-goodness adult! I might want to connect your "feel good" society to the increase in the use of medication and perhaps an eventual decline in the arts (which of course require depth of emotion - and not all pleasant ones - to produce). We should chat sometime. :-D

[shh!]

lucky im not american then, and i f u cant be happy for now, whats the point of anythin?

There isn't one. You should end it all now.
Mwahahahahaha

[secretaffair]

theres me thinkin this might give me some scope on a solution, we all have a piece of shit pie to eat in life and this is my slice, i take it noone else has sampled this delicacy yet?....u cant always help who u fall for, regardless of ur current situation, everyone is made up of different emotions and complexes, u cannot always follow the 'moral guidebook for the socially conditioned'...can u now?..cmon guys

[shh!]

Well, there is a sliver of truth to what you say. You CAN'T always control your emotions. But you certainly can control your behavior. And yes, we all DO have to put up with unfavorable situations from time to time. It's called adulthood; no one escapes unscathed.

[stonesnbones]

Real simple solutions.

THink about your family, not yourself.

[buzz bee]

you need to think about what you truly want, you cant have your cake and eat it too - how would your partner feel if they found out you where having an affair for the last 18mths? if you love your partner you have to think about how unfair you are being to them - stop thinking about yourself and think about what you are doing to the people in your life with this situation

[secretaffair]

thanx for all ur varied replies, a lot confirms what i thought, i might appear to be very immature, maybeso, but i am also a person like anyone else who hurts and feels but ironically this is one situation me and my counterpart cannot REALLY discuss with anyone apart from eachother,yes i know we have'made our bed' an all that....shit appens.....things have a way of comin right, thanx

[secretaffair]

so now if all the 'self righteous brigade' have had their say say is there anyone else out there with balls enough to admit that they are in the same type of situation and need to relate to another REAL person, i would be glad of some honesty instead of preprescribed bullshit, thanx.

[buzz bee]

i wasnt being self righteous, i was being honest....... im just looking at it from another perspective... have you ever though how much it would hurt your wife to know all this?

[shh!]

so now if all the 'self righteous brigade' have had their say say is there anyone else out there with balls enough to admit that they are in the same type of situation and need to relate to another REAL person, i would be glad of some honesty instead of preprescribed bullshit, thanx.

Why is it that WE have to be labeled "self righteous" because we have consciences, when you know very very well YOU are the one who is doing wrong? Perhaps you ought to keep the negative labels to yourself; we are only telling you what you know very well your wife would be saying.