Girlfriend lied and presumably cheated.

[jamie323]

Good morning,

I have been dating (what I thought was?) a really awesome chick for about 6 months. We both live in Manhattan only a few blocks away from each other. She has a lot of friends up here, however, I have only been here for about a year and dont have that many friends yet. We have plans to go to Paris (tickets bought, hotel booked and paid for, etc)

Anyway, everything has been very good up until this last Friday. She had plans to go out with a girlfriend for happy hour, because her friend is moving away, then we were going to meet up around 9. At around 8:45 she texted to say that she was not going to be able to make it to meet me, and that she and her friend were going to go downtown to get a bite to eat and have a few drinks. I only heard from her once more around 10 with her saying how sexy she thought I was, then nothing else that night. In itself, that is not unusual - we both are not big texters if we are with friends. I think its rude if someone is using their phone if they are with me. Problem is - I kind of expected a text good-night, or *something* later that night. Its not that hard to go to the bathroom and send a quick text. I got nothing other than that weird out of nowhere text.

The next morning she called (very unusual) and said she got me coffee and wanted to meet up. So we meet up and she tells me that they were out super late, and her girlfriend and a couple of her friends came over, and they partied all night. There were a couple of types of empty beers around. However, she was sketchy on the details as to who came over. This was odd, because she has a TINY apartment. Where did these people stay? I could tell she was super hungover, so I let it go for the time being. We went out and met some of her friends for dinner later, and she recounted the same story to one of her best friends 'she met her girlfriend for drinks, they went out for dinner and she had a steak, and it was great and that her and her friends came over to hang out and they had a sleepover.

The next day, I confronted her about this. I basically said 'listen Im a bit pissed off about friday, what you did was not cool.' As soon as I said that her expression turned to absolute terror. Her eyes went wide, and she looked absolutely freaked. I said 'You bailed on me, then you didnt talk to me any more during the evening. That really didn't make me feel good'. Her expression changed to that of relief. I caught it, completely. Im sure she did not notice. She apologized, and said that sometimes if she goes out for the evening with friends, she doesn't want to use her phone, but that she was sorry. She said that she refuses to change and use her phone when she is with friends. I let it go for the time being. I did not accuse her of anything.

Anyway, this morning I was at her place. I *knew* something was up, and that it was extremely possible she was lying to me. Every red flag was there. She had given me her phone password once before and said she had nothing to hide, she doesnt mind me having it. So... I checked her text messages. There was one to a guy: there was only one word from her the friday before: the name of a bar. Then there was a message from him from the night after: 'Hey, Im so tired but you should come over'. She had a written response that she had failed to hit send on: 'Hey, I think that should be a one time thing, I dont want to ruin our friendship'. Needless to say , I was thinking 'wtf'. So I checked the messages from the friend she said she was with, and that friday they cancelled happy hour together.

So: She lied to me about going to happy hour. She lied to me *and a bunch of her friends* about who she was with. She made me feel sort of bad for seeming to 'check up on her'. On top of that, Im thinking she pretty obviously slept with this guy at her apartment, in the bed that her and I sleep in often.

I havent confronted yet - Im sort of freaked. Do I tell her tonight: Im done with you? Or do I go ahead and go to Paris with her, have a good time, and then dump her? Do I confront and then see what she says and play by ear? or do I just brush it under the rug and wait to see if she admits it until after Paris, and if she hasnt yet - bring it up? I dunno.. I really care about her, but my opinion of her has changed dramatically. It took everything I had not to wake her up and say 'F you, its over'. Honestly, I could cancel Paris, lose a few hundred bucks and really screw her over - We are going to Paris to go to her sister's wedding. Then I could send an email to her Sister and her best friend and tell her the reason we are not going to Paris. However, I need to be sure.

Sorry for the rant.

-

[bekho]

Omg that's terrible. You've caught her 100%. She's so silly to have cheated on you. I know how bad you feel right now. The trust is all gone.

This is what I would do. I would destroy her life. Record you guys having sex. Take nude photos in paris. Take a photo of the evidence - screen shots of the messages. Then put it all together in a '**** you bitch. I knew all along. I'm going to ruin your life' video.

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[jamie323]

Im not so sure, that may be kind of going overboard.. However, I know she lied to me about that Friday, and the text message about 'you should come over' from the same guy is kind of a dead giveaway. Its really screwed up because we spend so much time together, now I wonder if whenever she went out without me and was with 'friends' if she was really with someone else.. Her response was 'this has to be a one time thing' but she didnt hit send. That also makes it all the more obvious. I just hope they used protection - I dont want an Std

[bekho]

Its nice that you can be so level headed about this. I wouldn't be. What will you do?

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[bekho]

Anyone who's premeditated to commit cheating likes to think they can balance it and keep the charade going. But clearly, as someone speaking from experience, if you are willing to put a relationship in this kind of jeopardy u are ready to give it up.

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[smackie9]

Just go up to her face to face and tell her that her supicious behavior led you to check her messages and guess what BUSTED! Then proceed to call her a liar and a whore and walk away.

Oh and then you can also tell her she can find her own f uckin way to Paris....have a nice life.

[amandabrooke]

I'm really sorry; I know how terrible that must feel. I would advise not to go on the trip with this girl when you know she cheated. After my ex cheated on me we still went on a trip together because we had already paid. I ended up confronting him and found out a lot more details that I never wanted to know. The whole thing was just a really bad experience. I would call your hotel and airline and try to see if you can get some money back by canceling in advance. Then confront this girl. Don't listen to any terrible excuse she gives you to try and get out of it. Tell her you know she cheated and that you're not going to Paris with her, then completely cut her out of your life. Don't answer her texts, calls, etc. I think this is the only way to make a clean break and help you move on.

[MrLoyal]

Omg that's terrible. You've caught her 100%. She's so silly to have cheated on you. I know how bad you feel right now. The trust is all gone.

This is what I would do. I would destroy her life. Record you guys having sex. Take nude photos in paris. Take a photo of the evidence - screen shots of the messages. Then put it all together in a '**** you bitch. I knew all along. I'm going to ruin your life' video.

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My Hero! Lol.

[michelle23]

I wouldn't even bother giving her the satisfaction of telling her its over. Just disappear, ignore her and let her figure it out for herself. That is what I did when my ex cheated. It was funny when he found out I was seeing someone else

Seriously shes not worth the aggro. Just move on and forget her