Would you appreciate contact?

[Sunnybeach7]

You need real answers or closure. I would go to see her if I were you.. tell her about your job, tell her you miss her and how you feel.
I could bet that when she broke it off with you, she hoped you would say that you would stay no matter what. I could be wrong, but maybe that is what she needed from you to feel secure, and she felt you were not willing to do that.

I don't think seeing her and telling her your situation will hurt your chances, at least it shouldn't if she is mature enough. It should be either she wants to be with you or she doesn't.. and you deserve and answer about that. Honestly.. breaking up with you because you "may" have left the area is not so mature in the first place.. but given the stress you said she's under.. just go talk to her. You need closure either way.

[r321148]

Thanks for the replies.
I am definitely not putting all my eggs in one basket. Whilst I'm prepared to do a bit of leg work I'm still skeptical. I'm still going to date as I think that until she shows me some signs that she might want to reconnect then I have to assume she doesn't want to.
I'm not sure which hole you mean? I'm not emotionally invested at this stage and I am leaning more to the fact she's not going to come round than that she is. I spent 4 months away from her and moved on with my life. I know I can get on well enough without her. That being said I do like her still and I'd like to maximise any chance that there may be.

Sunnybeach. I have told her now about my job. I didn't tell her how I feel just yet though as I don't want to emotionally invest in someone who I'm still skeptical about. I think she did hope I'd stay. It was in her eyes and body language that she didn't want to break up and the kiss and tears were not the actions of someone doing what they really wanted to do. That was my thoughts at the time but her distance since have made me very skeptical of her.

[hatesthis]

Just read your original post and do whatever feels right to you, if it nags you not to contact her then contact her I hate and I mean I HATE when people follow other peoples rules when it comes to love like that NC rule must go 900 days and you'll be over it all what BS. Everyone is different do what is best for you and your own life and happiness.

[r321148]

Thank you.
I agree with you completely. Everyone does have a different situation.
In this case I have decided to try. I know there's a risk, but I still don't think anyone ever achieved anything in life sitting around and waiting for someone else to take responsibility. I'm happy in my own life and my own head. I don't need her to make my life fulfilling but I do think she adds something so I'm happy enough to do a bit of work. That being said I'm skeptical of her and I am being carefully not to have any expectations and hence why I'll continue to date other people until she decides to commit (if she ever does).
I already contacted her and I think it went OK. My question really here now is how to keep it moving forward. I'm trying to treat it as if she was any other girl I was dating but I know there are different obstacles involved with an ex.

[hatesthis]

Good for you and good luck. Just start fresh in how you both interact don't bring up past things that caused issues be relaxed, enjoy the company of each other take it carefree at 1st so you don't jump too deep back in at first and ruin your second chances, work on the things that caused the problems before. With ex the history can be good because you know the others hot buttons and can avoid triggering them but also you know the hot buttons and is easy to trigger them even if not on purpose. Communication is key so if one of you gets upset you really hear what is bothering the other and they know you understand.

[r321148]

Well to be honest I don't know what caused problems before other than the fact we never really had that much time for each other... Trying to get things off the ground whilst both doing stressful degrees and looking for work was tough. Last summer would have been the perfect time but she was away for most of it and then her coming back and me saying I might have to leave I guess was just too much.

Few updates on what's been going on: I called her on a Monday and she chatted. Things were nice and she said it was lovely to hear from me. We agreed to meet on that Thursday. She cancelled saying she had to study, I text to say no worries and we'll arrange for another time. On the Sunday I came across a paper (at work) that might help her in her studies and sent it to her. She didn't reply. Just over a week later I called her. She didn't pick up so I sent her a text saying I hoped her new placement was going well and that the paper was helpful. She didn't reply. I left it 2 more weeks and sent her a happy birthday message (yesterday). She didn't reply.

I'm just never sure about these things. If somebody was contacting me who I didn't want to contact me, I'd tell them I didn't want to hear from them....seems pretty simple no?! Ignoring just seems petty especially after she said she wanted to be friends and that she didn't want us to end up hating each other....and after talking to me and telling me it was nice to hear from me and agreeing to meet up....she is busy but I don't think that's an excuse not to send a message saying "thank you". Maybe after June when she's finished and has some time to reflect she'll realise that she's handled this badly but now I'm done.

I don't regret trying but enough is enough. Like I said before, I don't need her and my life is great anyway. Great job, great friends, loads to do. Have been on 2 dates this week...neither went well but plenty more fish about! I guess this is the reason most people say not to try but I know I was in a place where I could handle the outcome no matter what it was, and at least now I know for sure that she has 0 interest.

Good luck everyone and just keep doing what's right for you!