Why don't I hear from him now?

[Ditapage]

This guy used to reply to my texts and promptly. Yesterday we had a situation where I told him I don't want rumours of me being romantically interested in him to come between our friendship and apologised if I gave the wrong impression and made him think I like him. Today I sent him a text thanking him for being cool and taking the time to talk it over and wished him well for a trip he leaves for, today. And I got no reply. Is it something I said the day before? I thought we were just friends anyway!

[basilandthyme]

Is the the guy who you've been flirting with and wondering if he's picking up your signals?

[Ditapage]

No, different guy.

[basilandthyme]

In my experience, rumours tend not to start without there being something behind them.

I suspect if the guy in this story was interested in you as a girlfriend. If this is the case, you've blown him off so he probably doesn't see the point in trying to contact you anymore. The fact that you actually had to have this conversation with him would indicate that something, somewhere wasn't just friendship.

Also, what was this apology about you giving him the wrong impression to make him think you liked him? DID you give him the wrong impression?

[surfhb2]

Yeah....you totally blew the guy off. If a guy wants friends, we'd hang out with our buddies.

[TheEvilJester]

For the record, I happen to have plenty of female friends. Some of my best friends currently, and in the past, have been women.

Anyway, without knowing the story more closely, it is hard to say. Was there any indication that he may have been thinking of you as more than friends? Did you do anything to possibly make him think you were interested in him as more than friends? It could be very possible he liked you and was hoping for more than friends, so when you made it clear that was not an option, it may have thrown him a bit.

You will just have to give him some time and see how it goes. If he was only thinking of you as friends as well, then things should most likely continue very soon like nothing happened. If he was hoping for more, then it will somewhat depend. Often times, it can be difficult for a guy to be friends with a gal when he really wanted to be more than friends. So, he may feel he needs to distance himself for his own good. But, that isn't necessarily always the case. Sometimes, guys can make that transition, as long as they haven't gone too deep into the wanting to be more than friends status. So, time will tell I guess. In the end, you sort of have to understand if he wanted to be more than friends and feels he cannot handle being around you knowing that will never happen.

[surfhb2]

I guess but my point is most guys dont call or text a nice and beautiful girl hoping to be her friend. Many girls (and the OP) dont understand this

[TheEvilJester]

Again, I don't know if maybe I am outside the norm here, but if I just want to be friends with a girl, I'd treat her just the same way as I would any of my guy friends. Well... you know... to a degree. LOL! And that doesn't necessarily mean I don't find them attractive. They could be very lovely, but for whatever reason (be it they are already in a relationship, or they seem like somebody that would be a good friend, but maybe not a fit for me as a girlfriend, or whatever) I just think of them only as a friend.

Anyway, sorry. Sort of getting off the point here. Just saying, I don't know if I am just weird, but I don't think it is necessarily a given that guys don't ever want to be friends with a girl, regardless of whether she is nice and beautiful. What is wrong with wanting a nice person in your life, rather than not? There aren't enough nice people in this world.

[surfhb2]

To a degree huh? Exactly my point

[Wakeup]

OP: He doesn't want to be your male girlfriend.

[TheEvilJester]

To a degree huh? Exactly my point

Yes, as in I would leave some of the more sophmoric humor we men tend to like out of the equation. ;-) Well... usually. I actually have some female friends whose sense of humor is even more sophmoric than my own. LOL! Though... actually I guess my sense of humor could more so be described as goofy/stupid more than sophmoric.

OP: He doesn't want to be your male girlfriend.

You know... what do you do when you actually DO want to be a gal's male girlfriend? LOL! Because, believe it or not, I've been in that situation. Maybe I should start a thread about that. But... I don't think there are a lot of guys who share that desire with me. I may be by my lonesome on that one.

[Ditapage]

In my experience, rumours tend not to start without there being something behind them.

I suspect if the guy in this story was interested in you as a girlfriend. If this is the case, you've blown him off so he probably doesn't see the point in trying to contact you anymore. The fact that you actually had to have this conversation with him would indicate that something, somewhere wasn't just friendship.

Also, what was this apology about you giving him the wrong impression to make him think you liked him? DID you give him the wrong impression?

The person who started the rumour is obsessed with the guy, he doesn't like her romantically and she is always telling me how he's staying single, not into commitment. She also has no life and is constantly watching me interact with him, for signs that I love him. Assuming they have a close friendship, I decided to scrap the whole thing with him... I told him we're just friends despite the fact I was a little interested in being more, but I wanted to take it slow and see where things went, not be forced into confessing anything. She was always asking me how I felt about him, if I knew of anyone else who likes him, and I think it drove her crazy that I never gave a response. So she makes up this story that I confessed my feelings, asked him out, and he rejected me. I just don't know what she thought that would achieve? When I confronted her she said if I didn't want the rumors, I should just stop talking to him!

I didn't give him the wrong impression, I didn't show any overt interest. I acted like a friend and tried to get close to him that way. I like him a lot but I certainly wasn't ready to say I ever wanted more than friendship, yet. The fact that she got into my business, and shes friends with him, made me say oh forget it, we're just friends. And I said "sorry if I gave you the wrong impression" as a way of saying I hope you didn't expect more. Sadly I played right into this bitch's hands because before this, I did want more. Any interest I show now, after telling him this, will be seen as game playing.

Was there any indication that he may have been thinking of you as more than friends? Did you do anything to possibly make him think you were interested in him as more than friends? It could be very possible he liked you and was hoping for more than friends, so when you made it clear that was not an option, it may have thrown him a bit.

I don't know. He looks at me a lot, he would never say "no" if I asked for anything, he'd always help me out, and say he was happy to, and he'd drop everything to do so because hes a busy guy. Always offering advice and encouraging me. But friends do that, right? He's a nice guy. You can never tell with nice guys. And he showed signs of disinterest too, like on one occasion I mentioned how i'd respond in some situation and he said jokingly (in front of a group of our friends) "Remind me never to date you"

OP: He doesn't want to be your male girlfriend.

Funny you say that because I called him one night because I was upset about how another guy friend was acting towards me, and I was asking his advice, trying to get a guys perspective, and he listened long enough then said "I can help you to an extent but if you want to vent and talk girly, talk to a girl." I thought I was opening up to him, but he didn't see it that way , obviously. And because he didn't want to listen, I figured it meant he wasn't interested in me.

[smackie9]

When I guy makes an effort to contact you all the time, chances are he is trying to muster up the courage to ask you out, and DOES have a romantic interest. The fool should have been up front about it in the first place, let's hope he has learned from this experience. As for the rumors it's obvious he was talking to some of his buddies that he liked you, and of course that will get around.

You did right by stepping forward you had no intentions of seeing him as a BF, but that just flattened him. Most guys drop their interest as soon as they are rejected. He sees no point in continuing with a friendship because that wasn't his intention in the first place.

Next time don't be so oblivious to the guys intentions when he starts texting you everyday......he IS interested in you. If you have no interest in him as a BF stop replying promtly, don't flirt with him, don't talk to him hours on end, don't end texts with x or or <3 or give him any special attention. If he texts you a lot just ask him why he is showing you so much interest, and make sure you tell him he is just a friend to you, don't wait till you hear rumors or months later.

- - - Updated - - -

Funny you say that because I called him one night because I was upset about how another guy friend was acting towards me, and I was asking his advice, trying to get a guys perspective, and he listened long enough then said "I can help you to an extent but if you want to vent and talk girly, talk to a girl." I thought I was opening up to him, but he didn't see it that way , obviously. And because he didn't want to listen, I figured it meant he wasn't interested in me.

He didn't want to hear it because he was jealous and was put off by it.

[searock]

I don't think there are a lot of guys who share that desire with me. I may be by my lonesome on that one.

Not on this forum there aren't, but in real life there are plenty :-).

[TheEvilJester]

I don't know. He looks at me a lot, he would never say "no" if I asked for anything, he'd always help me out, and say he was happy to, and he'd drop everything to do so because hes a busy guy. Always offering advice and encouraging me. But friends do that, right? He's a nice guy. You can never tell with nice guys. And he showed signs of disinterest too, like on one occasion I mentioned how i'd respond in some situation and he said jokingly (in front of a group of our friends) "Remind me never to date you"

A lot of that does sound like he was hoping to be more than friends... and yet a lot of it also sounds like he was just being a good friend. I will have to apologize here and admit that I may not be the best person to answer this. I'm kind of different from most guys. I actually DO value having good female friends, even if they are somebody I might have hoped could have been more than a friend, but for whatever reason it just didn't happen. So, everything you described is actually something I'd do for a good friend, male or female. Again... like I said, I would LOVE to be a gal's "male girlfriend" if I think she is a good enough person that I'd want to be that close to her. I'd consider myself lucky to get to be that close to her. But, I think perhaps that isn't the norm for guys. So, it does very much sound like he was interested in you as more than friends.

Then again, I could be wrong. Or, I could be right, but he may be able to see being just friends anyway, now that he at least knows that is what you want. It can be hard to tell sometimes. Good luck. Either way, I hope it works out for you.

Not on this forum there aren't, but in real life there are plenty :-).

Wait... I should also qualify my comments. I think I may be relatively alone in being a STRAIGHT guy who would still love to be a gal's male girlfriend. LOL!