Help!!!

[Anya87]

Please help. And sorry for my bad english. Problem is, my boyfriend refuses to talk to me and it's already 3 days since he stopped talking. I was angry and jealous and I started with insults etc and he said he needs some time to remember why he fell in love with me. He was married to a dictator and I think he's still frustrated... I know that his ex was a real b**ch. Said also he don't want any love problems, he had enough already, he likes me so much but I destroyed everything... so now he needs some time. Btw it's a long distance relationship, we live in different countries (in Europe). Please tell me what Im supposed to do? I feel so bad for 3 days already. I know I was wrong and I'm so ashamed now. Miss him so bad.
(he's 40 years old, I am 27)
Thanks a lot!

[Valixy]

Anya, whether this long distance relationship with a man 13 years older than you who lives in another country, really has a chance or not, in the circumstances you describe, you should not contact him anymore, by no means with insults. Even if your jealousy was partly justified, insulting never solves a problem, but creates a new one.

If you made a mistake and apologized, there's nothing else you can do. Do not run after a man, do not pester him with messages or you'll push him away completely. Be strong, keep yourself busy and do not live waiting for him to contact you, or you'll look terribly unattractive. Yes, you love him, but you have a life to live, so do that. If he comes back to you, good, if he doesn't, don't humiliate yourself by trying to win him back because it won't work and besides you'll feel much worse than you should.

[Wakeup]

Are you sure he's not still married? How well do you actually know this man?

[Anya87]

We know each other for few months. we have a lot friends in common so I know everything about his ex and their marriage. Bahhh I know I am guilty but I think it's easier to say ok f**k off b**ch, right? I completely understand his situation and I regret, he just stopped talking!
Ofc I live my life, I know it's important. I didn't send him any message or called him after I realized that he's serious. I'm getting angry and sad in the same time now. it's just because I regret and he still won't hear me.

[Wakeup]

I see. So my next question is: Why were you angry and jealous. Unless you're a complete nut case, most times someone is angry and jealous is because someone has made us feel that way. Also because someone does nothing to make us feel secure in our relationship. That being the case, (assuming you're not a complete nutter) how poorly has he been treating you so that it resulted in your reaction being jealousy and anger?

Its too early to tell (as there is not enough information) but I'm guessing that this man doesn't value you as much as you value him and your long distance relationship is a different level of commitment for you then it is for him.

[smackie9]

Since it's long distance, yes insecurities can go array, but to act in a hostile manner as you admitted to tells me you you lack control over your emotions. You proved to him you are just as unstable emotionally as his ex was. But I don't know you, I'm only guessing that this is how you are even with your previous relationships. If your reaction has totally caught you off guard, and this man has brought out the worse in you, you may want to start questioning as to the truth behind why his marriage failed in the first place.

So to break it down, A. he is following a pattern of dating insecure jealous women, or B. he's a jerk and treats women poorly.

If it's A. He would be wise to walk away from this relationship, If it's B, you would be wise to walk away from this relationship.

[Anya87]

Few times I was angry when I saw hearts on his fb timeline from some women but I wasn't rude etc, just asked him why they doing it and once I refused to answer on his messages for few hours. That's all about my jealousy. I'm getting nervous because I'm completely ignored and it makes me almost sick, sometimes I wake up in the night with tears and then I have to check my facebook :/ In this moment I am sleepless and nervous...I came home from the party at 6am and fell asleep at 6:30, now is 11:20am and I am awake! I wanna cry all the time.
Maybe I should block him and delete all contacts but hmmmm it's stupid cause I know I am weak and I'll unblock him... it goes nowhere. I even asked him to block me if he doesn't want me anymore and in that case I don't wanna hear about him or see him with someone else (NO FU**ING WAY).

[Valixy]

I think that you have two options, Anya, one would be to try to calm down, concentrate on yourself, enjoy these days and see what happens - almost imposible for you since you are feeling so torn apart, I believe, but worth taking in consideration because the moment when you truly detach, care less and start doing something for yourself, the other one tends to be drawn back to you pretty quickly most of the times, it simply happens. And if it doesn't, well, at least you haven't been crying your eyes out while he was actually moving on.

Your next possibility would be to contact him in a light funny manner, tease him a bit, sending him a cute joke today, another one tomorrow, changing his state of mind and reestablishing a light hearted communication, with no mention of the problems you've faced, but learning from what you went through.

These could be valid options if you'd like to try to have this man back into your life. I personally wouldn't bother with someone who's capable of ignoring me and giving me such a hard time over so little. Yes, people who are in love and far away from each other get to feel insecure and they may say some stupid things sometimes, and if he can't take this in consideration, he shouldn't have started a long distance relationship with someone who's 13 years younger than him. At his 40 years he should know better.

[searock]

Long-distance, big age gap... I think you should just forget about him and move on.

[michelle23]

What is wrong with local men that live near by that you can have a REAL life relationship with? What is the point in dating someone who lives ten thousand miles away and the only communication you have is through a computer screen. Its like dating a robot and its a bit insane.. also this man probably is lying to you. Hes a stranger and the reality is you know nothing about him