Why don't I hear from him now?

[AnErin]

Yeah....you totally blew the guy off. If a guy wants friends, we'd hang out with our buddies.

to expand on that -
If someone wants to bump uglies, they are not going to waste time on someone who ISN'T going to give up the ol pink taco or sausage, depending on which one they like to ride.

[searock]

I think I may be relatively alone in being a STRAIGHT guy who would still love to be a gal's male girlfriend. LOL!

I was referring to straight guys. You are definitely not alone, relatively or otherwise.

I should point out that being a guy friend (the term "male girlfriend" doesn't make much sense) doesn't mean texting and chatting all the time, cuddling, going on dates alone on a regular basis, and the like.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

I should point out that being a guy friend (the term "male girlfriend" doesn't make much sense) doesn't mean texting and chatting all the time, cuddling, going on dates alone on a regular basis, and the like.

There is a difference between a guy-friend and a male girlfriend. Male girlfriends do all of those things you mentioned.

[searock]

There is a difference between a guy-friend and a male girlfriend. Male girlfriends do all of those things you mentioned.

Then yes, not many guys want to be that.

By the way, female girlfriends don't do all those things either.

[Ditapage]

You will just have to give him some time and see how it goes. If he was only thinking of you as friends as well, then things should most likely continue very soon like nothing happened. If he was hoping for more, then it will somewhat depend. Often times, it can be difficult for a guy to be friends with a gal when he really wanted to be more than friends. So, he may feel he needs to distance himself for his own good. But, that isn't necessarily always the case. Sometimes, guys can make that transition, as long as they haven't gone too deep into the wanting to be more than friends status. So, time will tell I guess. In the end, you sort of have to understand if he wanted to be more than friends and feels he cannot handle being around you knowing that will never happen.

Helpful advice. I've seen him since and things are awkward between us, he won't make eye contact or say hello. Excellent - just what I didn't want. If he had hopes of being more than friends would he not talk to me? If it was just friendship on his agenda, his behavior wouldn't have changed, right?


Also, I wanted to mention, during the initial "we're just friends" talk, I said "if the worst people can say is I'm in love with you, I must be doing something right" and he frowned and said nothing. I couldn't decipher that, I thought it was a compliment but is that how that comment would be taken?

[TheEvilJester]

I was referring to straight guys. You are definitely not alone, relatively or otherwise.

I should point out that being a guy friend (the term "male girlfriend" doesn't make much sense) doesn't mean texting and chatting all the time, cuddling, going on dates alone on a regular basis, and the like.

Well, not sure if your definition is more accurate then, or BackUp's is more accurate. However, I would not feel comfortable with things to that degree with a gal who is otherwise already in a relationship, just based on the fact that it would not be right and could make her significant other feel uncomfortable. More so, I personally just meant that I would love to be close friends with a gal. Somebody she knows she can trust. Somebody she comes to when she is sad because she knows I can be part of helping to cheer her up, and who, in turn, would want to do the same for me. Somebody who knows she can confide in me when she needs a friend to lend an ear, or a shoulder on which to cry. Frankly, I offer the same to guy friends, it just tends to take a different form with guys. They tend not to talk about stuff as much, and instead just need a "buddy."

Anyway, again getting back to Ditapage,

If things have been awkward since that moment, then it seems like it probably is the case that he was hoping for more. I mean, that still isn't a guarantee, but if his goal was just to be friends with you, then it is not terribly likely that his behavior would change like this. Still, as I said before, just give him a bit of time and see how things go.

As for your comment to him, I guess I'd have to hear it a little more in context. However, assuming for the sake of the question that he was hoping to be more than friends, he was probably in a bit of a sensitive place once you made it clear that was not an option. In a moment like that, people tend to over-analyze things in their head. To his ears, this may have come across as implying that there was something bad with the idea of you being in love with him. That was not at all what you meant, but if he was a bit over-sensitive at the moment due to the situation, this may be how he took it.

Again, it is a sensitive situation. I wish you the best of luck. I hope you don't lose a good friend over this. However, for his part, if he was hoping to be more than friends and doesn't feel he can successfully remain just friends, then he would be doing both of you a favor by keeping his distance. Hopefully it doesn't come to that, though. Good luck.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

By the way, female girlfriends don't do all those things either.

I've seen straight girls do everything you listed together, right down to calling what they're going on "dates".

[Wakeup]

Funny you say that because I called him one night because I was upset about how another guy friend was acting towards me, and I was asking his advice, trying to get a guys perspective, and he listened long enough then said "I can help you to an extent but if you want to vent and talk girly, talk to a girl." I thought I was opening up to him, but he didn't see it that way , obviously. And because he didn't want to listen, I figured it meant he wasn't interested in me.

He was interested in you but not as a girlfriend with dangly bits. He wanted something romantic with you. In future, if you're interested in a guy but you want to take it slow then let him know you're interested in him and want to take it slow rather then tell him you only want to be his friend. That way if he asks you out and you are romantically interested he'll know that he can get to know you romantically without being put on the friends ladder. (Google "Ladder Theory" and read up about how girls (mostly subconsciously) place guys on either the "friends ladder" or the "potential ladder." I believe that MOST men who are your platonic friend secretly want to be on the potential ladder but just settle when they accept just being your platonic buddy. This guy seems to have had enough self-confidence to NOT let himself be placed on the "friends ladder."

Live and learn.

[searock]

I've seen straight girls do everything you listed together, right down to calling what they're going on "dates".

Not all girls though, so in any case it doesn't make much sense to say "male girlfriend" in general - it makes sense if it's referred to the girls who act like that with their female friends.

Anyway, EvilJester, if you mean simply "being friends" then you are definitely not alone.

[Wakeup]

It makes sense... just not to you because I think you likely have a few male girlfriends of your own. Men who want a romantic relationship with a girl but settle to be her platonic friend are just gurls with dangly bit. They allow what the op's ex "friend" would not allow her to do to him.

Evil describes himself as someone that is often referred to (in this forum) as a cuddle bitch.

BTW: A good question is: If you'd not do such things with your female friend, then why do you (the general You) need to do them with your male one?

[searock]

It makes sense... just not to you because I think you likely have a few male girlfriends of your own. Men who want a romantic relationship with a girl but settle to be her platonic friend are just gurls with dangly bit. They allow what the op's ex "friend" would not allow her to do to him.

If a guy doesn't cuddle or go on dates alone or text and chat all the time with a girl (and all that stuff), then he very well might simply be a girl's friend. I think it's insulting both to women and to men to imply that a man that acts friendly with a woman does so only in hopes of getting in her pants. It is also definitely not true.

Evil describes himself as someone that is often referred to (in this forum) as a cuddle bitch.

In order for someone to be a cuddle bitch, there has to at least be cuddling involved. If he cuddles with his female friends and wants to sleep with them but doesn't have the guts to do anything about it (be it tell them and sleep with them, or tell them, get rejected and move the hell on), then yes, he is a cuddle bitch.

[Wakeup]

If a guy doesn't cuddle or go on dates alone or text and chat all the time with a girl (and all that stuff), then he very well might simply be a girl's friend. I think it's insulting both to women and to men to imply that a man that acts friendly with a woman does so only in hopes of getting in her pants. It is also definitely not true.

sure it is. Unless she's not attractive and then he'll act friendly but he won't be her friend.

In order for someone to be a cuddle bitch, there has to at least be cuddling involved. If he cuddles with his female friends and wants to sleep with them but doesn't have the guts to do anything about it (be it tell them and sleep with them, or tell them, get rejected and move the hell on), then yes, he is a cuddle bitch.

not arguing that. The point in this thread is that he didn't want to be her male girlfriend or her cuddle bitch. He wanted to be her romantic partner (and she had interest) but instead of taking it slow while she dated him, she told him she just wanted him to be her male girlfriend or cuddle bitch which is what he would have been if he allowed it.

Good for him for not allowing it.

- - - Updated - - -

BTW: It's not so much he's being her friend in hopes of getting in her pants. It's more like he WOULD get in her pants if she allowed it. If he wants to get into her pants but settles to be her friend then he's just an idiot. (and vis versa, of course)

[BackUpOrGetStng]

Sure it is. Unless she's not attractive and then he'll act friendly but he won't be her friend.

Yeah, pretty much.

[TheEvilJester]

If a guy doesn't cuddle or go on dates alone or text and chat all the time with a girl (and all that stuff), then he very well might simply be a girl's friend. I think it's insulting both to women and to men to imply that a man that acts friendly with a woman does so only in hopes of getting in her pants. It is also definitely not true.



In order for someone to be a cuddle bitch, there has to at least be cuddling involved. If he cuddles with his female friends and wants to sleep with them but doesn't have the guts to do anything about it (be it tell them and sleep with them, or tell them, get rejected and move the hell on), then yes, he is a cuddle bitch.

Well, for the record, I don't make it a habbit to befriend girls for long periods of time when I am interested in being more than friends. That is the perfect way to get yourself stuck in what people like to call the "friend zone." I tend not to "cuddle" with female friends because to me, cuddling done between people of opposite genders (unless maybe one or both are gay) implies a more than friends relationship. So, perhaps I am not explaining myself well, as that is not something I would deem appropriate.

And I honestly hope you are right that men aren't always just hoping to "get in a girl's pants" when they are friendly with her... but I have to say I'm not so sure. I can say that I am perfectly capable of being friends with a girl, whether I find her attractive or not, without having any desire other than to be her friend. I know people tend not to believe guys who say that, but I don't give a crap what people believe or don't believe (no offense intended). I have my morals, and that is all that matters.

I think perhaps I am not explaining myself well. What I picture when I say I'd love to be basically a girl's "male girlfriend" (if she is somebody I deem worthy) is I would want to be more than just "one of her friends." I'd be happy to be somebody she considers one of her best friends, and somebody she can truly count on when she needs somebody. Hell, again, the same goes for my male friends, if they are somebody I deem worthy. Like I said, guys just tend to rely on their friends a little differently.

[searock]

sure it is. Unless she's not attractive and then he'll act friendly but he won't be her friend.

Nope. I have guy friends, they are not attracted to me and I am not attracted to them, and this is what makes our friendship possible. If there was attraction even on just one side, it wouldn't be possible to be friends, that I agree with. Point is, they aren't just "friendly", they are actually friends.

not arguing that. The point in this thread is that he didn't want to be her male girlfriend or her cuddle bitch. He wanted to be her romantic partner (and she had interest) but instead of taking it slow while she dated him, she told him she just wanted him to be her male girlfriend or cuddle bitch which is what he would have been if he allowed it.

Good for him for not allowing it.

Agreed, he did the right thing if that is what he wanted. No point being someone's friends if you want to sleep with them (unless they are your romantic partner of course).

If he wants to get into her pants but settles to be her friend then he's just an idiot. (and vis versa, of course)

Agreed.