I need help

[Raining*stars]

I need some serious help, so if anyone can give some I would so appreciate it.

I am a 22 year old female, and I have to admit, even though I didn't know it, I am very naïve and inexperienced in life although I thought I knew it all. The last few weeks has changed everything.

For 3 and half years I have been involved in a tempestuous relationship. He is the only boyfriend I have ever had, and, being a romantic soul I thought we would be together forever. He has treated me very badly before, the relationship has verged on abusive in various degrees....I won't go too much into that, but it used to bother me but after a year or so of it I got used to it. I should also add, I am diagnosed with depression and social anxiety. I never thought I would get a boyfriend, and I am terrified of being alone again. This is a reason I never broke up with him, as well the fact that I do have a great amount of care for him. Our relationship wasn't all bad....

Anyway....4 weeks ago I met someone who has turned my world upside down. I went on holiday to Egypt, and I met someone there who has made me feel things I have never felt before. I know that alarm bells will now ring for some people....we've all heard the stories about these men. But I get the feeling that he is genuine. He spoke fantastic English and we talked all day and he was nothing but respectful. We did nothing at all that was 'wrong'....he didn't even kiss me. But I found myself thinking about him day and night, and since I got home we talk everyday for a minimum of 6 hours. He says he loves me, and wants me to leave my boyfriend for good. He said if I don't, then he can't talk to me anymore. I know he is right, that I shouldn't be talking to him whilst I am still technically in a relationship....

And the guilt is eating me up. I know I am doing something so wrong to my boyfriend....I am in love with another guy. And more than that, I am going back to Egypt next month so it is possible something might happen. I know I need to break up with my boyfriend but I don't want to be alone. I know....I'm a bad person. I'm pathetic. I want to be with this guy but he lives 3000 miles away and I'm thinking this is just another heartbreak lined up for me....and at the end I will end up alone, depressed, and suicidal (again). But the thought of losing him is painful too.

I need some real help here.

[searock]

I need some real help here.

I agree, but you won't get it here. You need to see a professional that can help you with your depression and social anxiety issues.

As for the two guys, I think you should break up with your boyfriend and stop talking to your crush (that is not love by the way, it is infatuation).

You need to sort yourself out, learn how to be happy by yourself, before you even consider a relationship.

[Wakeup]

Yes. DO get yourself some professional council. You don't even know the guy in Egypt for goodness sakes and for all you know he could be a murderer or worse and rapist and murderer.

Your boyfriend is abusive so its time you left him as well. You can start to get help through a local women's shelter where you live and go from there. They will help you with finding professional help, keep you from doing something stupid in Egypt and help you with getting away from your abuser. Yes, he is an abuser. (just because it's good sometimes doesn't take away the fact that he abuses you.

When you've gotten the help with your self-esteem, when you've learned to love yourself then you'll understand that you are better off alone then with someone who mistreats you or someone who you don't know but are thinking of moving to be with. The chances are high that you will be abused far worse by both the women and this man you're hoping will save you in Egypt so don't bother running away from the frying pan just to jump into the fire. Seek out help here and from a women's group who have been through what you're going through.

Start with the link below and go from there: (cut and paste it into your browser)

http://www.nationaldomesticviolencehelpline.org.uk/

BTW: Its quite scary to think that you believe you are in love with someone you DON'T EVEN KNOW. Get the help you need to love yourself enough to understand why you loving someone you don't even know is scary.