How the First Date Went? Where I can Improve?

[Guitardude]

(Sorry if this is a little long. At least it's detailed, though. ) Hey guys, so my friend introduced me to this girl, and we started talking through Facebook. We really hit it off at times; the conversations we had have had their moments. She told me that she was "allergic" to boys, because she had bad past experiences with every boyfriend she has had. She said that they hurt her badly in a mental sort of sense. In-case that may seem weird to some people, that whole "allergic" thing, I should mention that she is bi-sexual I believe, BUT I do think that she likes guys more. When I first asked her, she seemed a bit reluctant at first, and the conversation sort-of died for a couple days or so. I thought I messed up by going a little too fast, and chalked it up as a loss, but then she messaged me back, seeming more interested.

So anyway, we were talking just like any other day, and then I asked her to hang out; to which she said yes. I made a joke saying that I thought she said she was allergic to guys, and she said "MOST guys!" So anyway, we ended up spending a couple hours together. We got coffee, talked, went for a drive, and it wasn't as awkward as I expected. I mean, I was nervous and I kind of had jumbled up sentences sometimes, I also did mention that I maybe a little bit of a wreck when it comes to first impressions, but she understood and mostly just laughed. She did seem a lot more relaxed than I did though. Her personality is different than mine, and she's quite a bit more outgoing than I am, but we're not on completely different levels. I could still talk to her and make her laugh and all that good stuff. She could be pretty wild sometimes, but I didn't mind. She was herself, that's for sure!

Any who, later on, we rounded up some of my friends, a couple of which were also her friends, and we went to the city to see a movie. When I asked her if she wanted to go with us, she was a bit tentative I think, but she decided to go. When we were on our way to the city, we hopped in with my buddy and his girlfriend, his girlfriend being the one that she knew the best. We all sort of talked on the way up, but I think they talked the most, which is probably a normal girl thing, right?

When we got to the city, we switched cars, and she came with me into my other friend's car, which had two of my guy friends in it. (Sorry if that's confusing.) My friend and his girlfriend had a couple things to do, so we decided to head to different stores to kill some time. (it was a couple hours before the movie started.)

In this process, she spent the bulk of her time with me wondering around in the stores, but also just wondered around in general, talking and joking around a little bit with my two other guy buds as well. Is that also normal? I am kind of the jealous type in that fashion, but I just sort of relaxed and figured that I can't worry about that stuff.

So after that, we all met up at the movie theater, and sat down in our seats. I sat between her and my buddies girlfriend, and they were sort of talking to each other, and I was talking to her a fair amount as well. I got up to use the bathroom, and when I got back, she stole my seat and was kind of wrapped up in my jacket in a way. Maybe it's just the way I put my jacket up, but it looked kiiiind of suspicious anyway. She was also on my phone playing a game/on Twitter, but that was alright cause I let her use it earlier, and said she could use it whenever. It was all alright either way, I just wanted her to feel as comfortable as possible. So we watched the movie, and we had a couple of jokes in-between, but she mostly was talking to her ladyfriend beside her, my buddy's girlfriend, which I thought was cool/normal too, so I just kind of laid back and watched the movie for the most part.

When that was over, we headed home at around midnight. I was kind of done-in, and it was a sleepy, sort-of awkward drive home. We spoke here and there, but it was quiet for the most part. She had her periods where she would again talk to her girlfriend, and me and my good guy friend would just make dumb jokes and stuff.

For the last 10 minutes of the drive, one of my guy buddies, her and I hopped back into my car (I parked at my friend's house) and headed home. That, I found, was almost painfully quiet. Maybe I should've made a lot more conversation? I guess the way I saw it, was I couldn't expect every moment to be talky, especially on the first hangout. So I dropped my friend off, and I drove her out to her house. The conversation picked up a little more then. Maybe it's when it's just us two that I feel it being more natural, or something.

So I pulled over by her house, and she sorta sat there for a bit, and stretched and stuff. It wasn't like a blatantly obvious 'kiss me' sort of thing, but I spread my arms and she gave me a pretty tight hug. I didn't want to ruin anything, because she was hurt before by other guys, and I kind of wanted to take it slow and to want her to trust me and stuff. Should I have went in for a kiss?

So the next day I guess my Facebook said I was online early in the morning (I left it on in my phone, and I guess I randomly unlocked it), and she messaged me a couple times, just sorta casually joking around. So we were talking online again and I asked her if she wanted to hang out again today, and she said maybe later on this week. Is this a good sign? One of the vibes that I got was that maybe she saw me as a friend. Could that be possible? Should I be more talkative, or am I alright? I wish I were naturally more of a conversationalist, but I naturally lean toward the shy/calm side and don't like to exceed my comfort zone.

Also, I would like to thank anyone for their advice/who reads this all the way through. I wasn't sure where else to turn, and figured that this would be a good start. It's been a long trip, but I'm definitely opened/thankful to all pieces of advice and opinions. Did I mess up anywhere, and is there somewhere or somethings I should improve on? Thanks for your time, and have a good evening.

[basilandthyme]

She told me that she was "allergic" to boys, because she had bad past experiences with every boyfriend she has had. She said that they hurt her badly in a mental sort of sense.

Guitardude, this is a great big red flag getting waved in your face. Early warnings do not come any more obvious than this.

Do not ever date someone who blames every partner they've ever had for heartbreak. Sure, most of us have had a couple of crappy experiences, but the fact that she blames every boyfriend she ever had makes me positive that she's the common denominator.

If you must proceed, do it with extreme caution. And when she does whatever it is which pissed off all the other guys, be prepared for her to add you to the list of guys who hurt her.

Edited to add: sorry about not giving you dating advice for her. I can't in good conscience help you woo this trainwreck

[Guitardude]

Hey Basil,

Sorry, I should've phrased this differently. I didn't want to make it seem like a sympathy act for her.

I also shouldn't have said EVERY boyfriend. I just remember she said the last couple ones used her in one way or another. So sorry about the poor phrasing, if this makes any sort of difference.

I know it also depends on the girl, but did I do fairly alright, in your opinion? Each situation could be very different, but is there anything that I should brush up on?

[basilandthyme]

OK, perhaps it's a lesser red flag. I'd still be vary wary of dating someone who's carting around issues.

You didn't mention anything about flirting (of perhaps I missed it?) The best way to not end up in the friend zone is to make your intentions known. You don't have to blurt your intentions out, but you've got to get the vibe happening.

Next time you see her, don't meet up with your friends. Instead, ask her if she'd like to go to dinner with you. If she wants to invite friends out with you, tell her that you wanted it to be a date. If she's not up for that, then you know you're friendzoned.

good luck. But still be wary of the whole allergic to men thing.