My boyfriend does not seem to understand. :(

[anc91]

So I just recently moved out of my boyfriend's brothers house (it was me, my bf, his brother, sis in law, and their 2 little sons) and my bf thinks i left their house because i think i'm better than them. not the case. (maybe he was speaking on behalf of them but idk) but while i was there his sis in law was giving me bad vibes. one time i walked into the house the 1st thing she say "i thought you were in illinois" and when i leave later that week she said "not to be a ********* but shouldnt you have been gone already?" no hello or goodbye basically. (during that time i wasnt living there i was visiting). also she would stare at me sometimes, cant really describe the look. and i also invited her to hang multiple times but gave up when she said "i have an adult date with the girls this sunday" casually talking to me and my bf. mind you she is 7 years older than me. so maybe she thinks im too "young" to hang, idk. she obviously wants to be the only female in the house.
My bf brother is not any better. When i told him the 1st time i was moving out he ask if i have a mattress i said yes air mattress, and he was telling me where i could buy mattresses for cheap. no problem. but the day i move out, me my bf and his sis in law were all downstairs. the bro ask me again if i have a air mattress. i said again, yes air mattress. then he gives this little snicker and say "air mattress." WTF? so now youre gonna be 2 face in front of everyone?? anyways my bf invited them over to my place to look at they were like yeah we'll come by tomorrow and check it out. and try to give you a home present. i wasnt surprised when they didnt come by, i was kind of relieved anyway. but i try and tell my boyfriend these issues and all he says is "youre thoughts are so wrong, we are ALL A FAMILY." i dont feel a family vibe with them at all. what to do?? of course his brother and sister may be doing this on purpose because they know my boyfriend will be on their side anyway. but i just want my boyfriend to SEE. i almost want an altercation to happen with them on purpose so he can SEE.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

You should dump him. When he asks why, say, "Because I'm better than you." Then he'll SEE.

[anc91]

But why do you think his family behaved that way towards me? threatened? because im young and off taking care of my own rent and everything? while my bf brother is using him to help pay their rent??

[BackUpOrGetStng]

Why did they behave that way? They don't like you. They may feel threatened, or they just may not be nice people. If they have two kids, and need you your bf to help make rent, I'd imagine their life probably sucks. Maybe they're taking it out on you.

Were you paying rent, or just your bf?

[anc91]

Well that's their personal problem. And I would pick up whatever rent money my bf couldn't afford. I also bought groceries and cooked at times. So idk what their problem is...

[basilandthyme]

Well that's their personal problem. And I would pick up whatever rent money my bf couldn't afford. I also bought groceries and cooked at times. So idk what their problem is...

Four adults and two kids in one house? Sounds like a nightmare to me. I wouldn't do it unless the property was at least 4+ bedroom, 2+ bathroom house with separate living areas. With this in mind, I wonder if the issue was that they resented having an extra person around.

Who is the lessee/mortgage holder of the property? Did the invitation for you to move in come from that person(s)?

[anc91]

The invitation came from by boyfriend who said that his brother gave the ok for me to stay. There really is no main person on the lease. It is my boyfriends brother, his sister in law, and himself who is on the lease.

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It's a mess. My boyfriends brother got into financial trouble so he helping them. Doesn't mean they need to take it out on me

[basilandthyme]

It's a mess. My boyfriends brother got into financial trouble so he helping them. Doesn't mean they need to take it out on me

In this case, you're blaming the wrong people. It's your boyfriend who you should be mad at. If his brother got into financial trouble and needs your boyfriend to help, your boyfriend is in the position to call all the shots.

You boyfriend has every right to tell them "if you don't want her here, then I'm leaving too. Good luck with your rent". But he doesn't care enough about you to say that.

[anc91]

I agree, but he is blinded by this "we are all family" statement. He is blinded by how they acted towards me. Instead he puts it on me saying "when you talk to my sis in law you act like you don't like her personality." Again, he is on their side so he will not realize until something drastic happens between me and them