Feel like I'm going mad

[DesperateDaisy]

Hey Guys,

I guess more than anything I just need to get this off my chest since there is no one in my life that I have ever admitted any of the following to...

So I had a thing for this guy at school, we were friends on and off, it was always a very argumentative friendship (probably because he found out I liked him) anyway, it never went beyond that, not even a little bit. Probably why I'm so confused about it. I liked him the whole time we were at school, we talked online for a couple of years after because I went to uni pretty far away so we never saw each other or anything. I stopped talking to him after a while because I was in a relationship and realised I could never give it 100% if I was still speaking to him. It's now been 6 years since I spoke to him, 8 years since I've seen him and 14 years since I started to have feelings for him.

I feel like I still actually Love him but always question myself because it was never reciprocated and I'm kinda wondering whether I'm just living in the past because I've had a rough 10 years and life isn't great etc but I don't feel like I am. I feel like if i saw him tomorrow and he asked me to marry him (totally hypothetical, of course) I would genuinely say yes and be incredibly happy.

I just don't know what to do with these feelings, it gets me down so much. There honestly hasn't been one day in the last 14 years that I haven't thought about this guy. It's just driving me crazy. I want to get in touch with him and have a go at making something happen but I'm not in a position to right now and even if I was, am I just being really idealistic thinking he'll just see me differently and it'll be amazing? I don't even know if he has a Girlfriend or anything. I am mad! I just can't stop feeling the way I do. I know it's more than an infatuation but I feel like one of those sad people that blindly yearn for someone that realistically has no interest!

Advice? Opinions? And please don't just say 'get over it' because if I could, I really would have done by now.

Anyway, thanks for reading. x

[smackie9]

I agree you are living in the past. It's years later and there is no way he is the same person he was back then. To add he isn't the person you think he is because you never actually were romantically involved so all you are going by is your fantasies. BTW it's called being obsessed. Basically you are chasing a ghost conjured up by your imagination. You need to face this reality and give yourself closure to move on. If anything you should seek out counseling as to why you are obsessing over someone that you never dated from a decade and half ago. I don't know you but have you had a long series of failed relationships, almost no relationships, suffer from loneliness, depression? Maybe you can bring this up with your therapist to get some clarity as to what is truly going on with you, because what is going on now is not normal behavior.

[lovesaidno]

I believe that the only opportunities that are missed, are the ones you do not take. If you feel that you could be truly happy with this person, I would advise to contact him providing that you will not be disturbing his life. Do you know if he is married or has children? Is there a way to find out prior to contacting him, maybe through an old mutual friend or creeping his facebook? It is the only way you will ever truly be able to find out if it was meant to be or not. Its basically a situation of all or nothing, you just need to prepare yourself that his answer might be nothing. Are you able to deal with that?

[OrangeSun]

My old boyfriend from college connected with me on FB. He is married and nothing would happen but nothing wrong with looking him up on FB and see how is life is going. At least you would know. Don't push anything to fast. That is how I always ruin things lol. Just keep it casual and try to keep your self busy in your own life. I know its hard but hang in there you are not alone. I know I can't get the one I love out of my head but know the reality is slim it would happen. Just anytime you start thinking bout him just tell yourself no and try thinking of something else.

[smackie9]

I would not advise it because there is a chance you will be strongly disappointed because of your high expectations, devastating you even more. You have been holding a torch for someone this long, you risk having your heart totally trashed.

You know a simple hi how are you doing will not be suffice, and you will be finding yourself doing things to feed your obsessiveness, like FB stalking. You will only be consumed by it, and that will not help you to move on.