I loved Him And He Destroyed Me

[tanragagirl]

So after I was assaulted I meet this guy. He is completely different from the guys I usually date. I think what made me fall for him the most was the lies he fed me. Promising to protect me comforting me saying he loved me blah blah. I was so vulnerable I even believed his empty promises. Eventually his nice words became emotional abuse that was sugar coated. He would support me but then would blame me for being assaulted. Called me independent and strong but then call me insecure and needy. . He had his own self esteem problems which I noticed when I met him which really stemmed from his family. I never realized all of this until my therapist and I finally spoke about my assault and we came to this realization.
I guess I was in shock. See after the assault I was able to walk away from that person ( who was my boyfriend at the time) and even had the strength to press charges. I was strong back then. But this recent guy broke me in ever way. Exploited my problems and weaknesses. Yes I feel like crap.

As I seeked treatment I began to realize this and started to move away from him. I began to question his actions and behavior, something I never did before. He became alarmed by this change and began to make up lies. The last one was him saying he was dying of an infection that the doctors could not treat. He refused I come to visit him at the hospital. After a few days his demeanor did not reflect that of a dying man so I asked him to send me a picture. I scanned it and it was photo shopped. I confronted him he denied it so I said I would come down to see him the next day with a friend who was a paramedic. He panicked and blocked me leaving me no way to contact him. It has now been 2 weeks since that incident.

I guess I need comfort. I am in shock for what an idiot I was. For how this happened to me. Fist an assault and then I let myself do fall for someone who treated me like I was worthless. Who pulled me down in every way. What if he does contact me again?
How do I deal with this? How do I move on? How can I trust again? How can I love again. I am so scared. I am even afraid what rumors he is spreading among our mutual college friends.

[pcmaster]

Well it was a bit damaging relationship. Someone you trusted proved to be fake. Life happens. You will heal.

Have you seen this?

loveforum.net/threads/85672-Guide-How-to-deal-with-breakup

[basilandthyme]

Tanragagirl, while it may not seem like it, you have already made progress in your recovery. Your last post was written while you were in shock and heartbreak. In this post, you're heading towards anger. Yes, it will take a while to recover but you ARE making progress.

As for future relationships, what you're experiencing now will actually make it easier.

Firstly, you will have learned more about yourself and what you're looking for in a man.
Second, you will have survived this and know that you can survive another break up too.

[tanragagirl]

Tanragagirl, while it may not seem like it, you have already made progress in your recovery. Your last post was written while you were in shock and heartbreak. In this post, you're heading towards anger. Yes, it will take a while to recover but you ARE making progress.

As for future relationships, what you're experiencing now will actually make it easier.

Firstly, you will have learned more about yourself and what you're looking for in a man.
Second, you will have survived this and know that you can survive another break up too.

Thank you. I think it is so hard because I know this guy was terrible for me but I relied so much on him. When things got worse or something bad happened I would go to him. Thinking he would make it all better. But funny thing is he failed to ever do that. But I still have it in my mind that I NEED him to make things better to help me through my trouble when ironically this guy never helped me and only made everything worse!
ugh damn stupid brain

[pcmaster]

I think you saw the potencial of the guy not what he realy did to you.

[tanragagirl]

I think you saw the potencial of the guy not what he realy did to you.

potencial?

[pcmaster]

Potential* - virtual · possible

[tanragagirl]

Tanragagirl, while it may not seem like it, you have already made progress in your recovery. Your last post was written while you were in shock and heartbreak. In this post, you're heading towards anger. Yes, it will take a while to recover but you ARE making progress.

As for future relationships, what you're experiencing now will actually make it easier.

Firstly, you will have learned more about yourself and what you're looking for in a man.
Second, you will have survived this and know that you can survive another break up too.

I am sorry I keep sending you more comments but you seem like a blunt and insightful person. I must know from your perspective do you think I am heading in a positive direction? Just 2 months ago I would have constant suicide thoughts, would be in and out of hospitals. Then I would contact the same boy I spoke of who photo shopped his picture because I felt as if I was only living for him. He was my priority HE dictated how I felt. He did manipulate me and make me feel so terrible that I felt as if I could not move forward or do anything without him. I relied on him for everything. As a result since he was far away because moved back home with my parents I would spend my entire day at home in front of a computer waiting for him to reply or contact me. I was depressed, would not shower for days and just lay in bed with a computer. Then he would do this thing where he would disappear for a week and not contact me I guess so I would stop arguing and be nicer once he contacted me. during those times at first I would cry and again attempt suicide but then one day I stopped. Instead I began to meditate and join the gym. THEN I applied for jobs and began working two jobs to keep myself occupied. And now this thing with him photo shopping his picture happened about two weeks ago. Am I heading in a positive direction" Is there more I should be doing or should I still take it slow. I want to go back to college so bad though but maybe I am moving too fast. did quit one job and am currently just working o one job.

[basilandthyme]

You've come a long way in a short time. Don't underestimate yourself! The fact that you can recognise that this relationship dysfucntional is a good start. Yes, you both contributed to it's dysfunction but now it's time to make a clean and healthy start for yourself.

Are your parents supportive of your mental health needs? What do they think about your ex?

[tanragagirl]

You've come a long way in a short time. Don't underestimate yourself! The fact that you can recognise that this relationship dysfucntional is a good start. Yes, you both contributed to it's dysfunction but now it's time to make a clean and healthy start for yourself.

Are your parents supportive of your mental health needs? What do they think about your ex?

YES VERY SUPPORTIVE. I swear my ex actually convinced me they were the reason for my deteriorating health but it was actually them. My family right from the beginning begged me to stay away from my ex because they saw that he was doing me more harm them good. They saw that he was harming my mental health.
They are always there for me and help me through any problems I face. Never pressuring me for anything.

[basilandthyme]

Good. Then stay with them and let them help you through this time.

[pcmaster]

I see you are in your early twenties, late teens girl. Eventualy you will obtain mature confidence and healthy mindset. You are lucky your parents was near to fall back on. However you are doing fine just ensure it will stay that way. Make sure he cant contact you again, delete and block everything and donr search for him on FB or any social media. You have to forget past but contacting guy again will do just that - make you think again.
You can go back to college as long as you keep in touch with your parrents and tell true to them. You know some people uses antidepresants, psihotherapists. But if you having supportive family is naturaly very good support system. Asuming dark times you wrote about it suggests lack of socializing - social health at that time.
Again you can go to college and do anything as long as you put your health first on physical and psihical level.

[tanragagirl]

I see you are in your early twenties, late teens girl. Eventualy you will obtain mature confidence and healthy mindset. You are lucky your parents was near to fall back on. However you are doing fine just ensure it will stay that way. Make sure he cant contact you again, delete and block everything and donr search for him on FB or any social media. You have to forget past but contacting guy again will do just that - make you think again.
You can go back to college as long as you keep in touch with your parrents and tell true to them. You know some people uses antidepresants, psihotherapists. But if you having supportive family is naturaly very good support system. Asuming dark times you wrote about it suggests lack of socializing - social health at that time.
Again you can go to college and do anything as long as you put your health first on physical and psihical level.

my greatest fear is never being able to find anyone again. I am assuming because he made me feel like i only belonged with him no one else

[pcmaster]

This fear will go away as more you socialize, spend time with people thats good for you like friends and family. You know people thats good for your confidense who actually make you feel good. These are good for your confidence and when selfesteem will be restored you will be sure that real good guys are out there for you.

[galaxyman]

Jeez. Next time start learning how to spot these a-holes early on. The first time he ever demeans you it's trouble. People don't change later on.