We're both deeply in love with each other, but our breaking-up seems inevitable

[livingthedream]

Hi everyone!

My girlfriend and I have been together for nearly 2 years now.

We have been deeply in love and connected to each other from early on in the relationship. The connection and relationship we have with each other is more than anything I have or have ever had with anyone else in my life - be it a family member, friend, or previous partner. We know each other inside and out basically.

However, unfortunately, it appears that our break-up is both inevitable and possibly even imminent.

Basically, my girlfriend and I - although so incredibly in love with each other - are a) two completely different people; and b) on different life paths to each other at the moment.

The part about us being different people does not actually bother me. To be specific, she is the kind of person who is organized, goal driven, punctual, and emotionally strong etc. Whereas I am more go-with-the-flow kind of person, and whilst I do have goals and aspirations, all I really need in life to be happy is love and affection, and the rest sorts itself out.

The part about us being on different paths is that she is well on her way into a great career in a job that will allow her to travel, whereas I am still a university student, and will be for at least another year or so.

There is also a second element to the "being on different paths" bit. I am planning to go travelling around Europe for maybe 3 months either mid this year, or mid next year. We have agreed that whenever that does happen, we will put our relationship on hold, and re-assess when i get back. Whilst she believes that I will meet someone on my travels and fall in love with them, I disagree, as I plan to come back home to her to try and continue our relationship. I also think it is much more likely that she will meet someone here whilst I am away, and end up in a relationship with them, and I will come home to nothing.

Until recently, whilst we have both been aware of these factors, was have not really discussed the situation in detail (as we have both been afraid of the reality). But just yesterday I decided I was sick of having it screwing with my heart and my mind, and brought it up. We have now discussed it, and we are both in the same position of feeling that we love each other so incredibly much that the idea of not being in each others lives is scary and depressing, but that we just don't know what to do.

In a nutshell, as much as the thought of us not being together is already starting to really break my heart, I'm thinking that perhaps its time to just bite the bullet and get the break up over and done with, if all we are currently doing is delaying the inevitable.

Has anyone every been in this situation before, where even though you and your partner have still loved each other dearly, you have decided that you just have to break up and move on? Can anyone advise if I should indeed just get the break up over and done with, or if we should stay together and try make it work?

Any advice or help would be so incredibly appreciated.

Either way, thank you for reading my long-winded question!

Much love!

[basilandthyme]

Why are you going to put your relationship on hold while you travel for three months? Does one of you want to shag others while you're away....or is it a lack of trust? Granted, it's not an ideal situation.....but it shouldn't be that hard to stay faithful for 3 months.

Or, what if you postpone your travelling until she can come with you?

I guess I'm not seeing anything here which can't be worked through.

[livingthedream]

Thankyou for your words basilandthyme.

I guess the idea behind putting the relationship on hold whilst I travel is because (and this is something she suggested, which i agreed with) being tied to someone back home whilst travelling will not allow me to fully appreciate the travelling experience. for example, if i have a girlfriend at home, I will be constantly just missing them and spending half my time looking for the nearest internet cafe so that i can skype her.

And re: one of us wanting to shag other people whilst the other is away etc - initially I felt that to get the full "travelling" experience, part of that will be hooking up with people on my journey. Which she has said she agrees with - that part of the experience is exactly that. However, on thinking about it now, I feel that there is no way that we could just casually have free-reign on "hooking up" with other people for 3 months, and then come back and continue our relationship. For me personally (having been cheated on several times by my past girlfriend, and one of the times actually walking in on them mid-sex), I can't handle the thought of someone else having sex with the person I love, and if that happens, the connection is completely burned from that point onward (it f**ks with my head too much to carry on seeing that person).

So in hindsight, i guess my options are this:

- If we're going to have a "3 month break" whilst I'm away, we might as well just break up properly before I go.
- We stay loyal to each other and just do long distance relationship whilst I'm away
- I go some time in the future and she comes with me (for some reason i hadnt even thought of this idea, but i shall put it to her tonight).

Thanks for your advice basilandthyme, you have actually just lifted my spirit and helped put things into perspective.

[basilandthyme]

Have you considered that whether or not you break up with your girlfriend, you'll still miss her when you're away? Seems to me you'd be better to know you're coming home to her.

Make an agreement that you WON'T be skyping all the time. We old folk managed just fine with contact once a week or so before all this new-fangled technology

[livingthedream]

I think you're exactly right basic. I was thinking about it before when i went for a walk, and i realised that regardless, I am indeed going to be missing her either way.

The only other determining factor is that she is also considering whether we should break up/how much longer we will be together (as - regardless of my travel plans - whilst she loves me dearly, she feels that because we are two different kinds of people, and therefore feels that, at the end of the day, we are not "compatible")

so that is something we will need to talk about, too.

Man, love and relationships are tough!

[Boisdevie]

My daughters boyfriend went away for 3 months travelling a few months after they met. They somehow miraculously managed to stay together despite this. Funnily enough he obviously cared enough for my daughter so he didn't dump her and shag himself around south east Asia for 3 months. If you two really really really loved each other you'd make it work. Clearly all this 'we really really REALLY REALLY, honestly we really do love each other' are just empty words. So much bullshit.

[searock]

I agree with Bois, you don't really love each other. Otherwise you would know that this is a non-issue. If I had to travel for 3 months away from my boyfriend, I would be perfectly aware that neither he nor I would find someone else while I'm away - because we wouldn't want to find someone else.

I can kind of understand that you want to live the whole traveling experience, which involves hooking up with beautiful foreigners, but if you were actually in love with your girlfriend this would be nothing but a fun fantasy to think about, not something that you would actually do (since it would ruin your relationship with her).

The fact that you both want to break up because of this means that you aren't in love with each other, and you should break up.