Hey guys and gals, I have a very complex (or not so much) problem, which is eating away at all relationships involved. Any advice or comments would be appreciated.
So heres the situation:
I am 27 years old (male). I have a girlfriend (26 years old), whom I am have been off and on dating for over a year now. We finally had something steady, but there is an ongoing issue.
My ex girlfriend (dated for 3 years in highschool and university) has been my best friend ever since. She has not dated many people since we broke up. We are very comfortable together, go on semi-dates (dinner, movies etc). I am no longer attracted to her, sexually or emotionally. She is a very good looking girl, but we are just really close friends.
There are some unresolved feelings between us. For one, we have never really talked about our feelings / situation since we ended dating (some 3-4 years ago).
I have been keeping my relationship with my current girlfriend a semi-secret from my ex gf, mainly because we have had a rocky start and neither of us knew what we wanted or where it was going to end up. I felt guilty for not explaining my current situation to my ex because in the mean-time, they have crossed paths and have become friends of friends (call it acquaintances). I also kept it from her because I did not want to hurt her, as there was a possibility that she still had feelings for me.
My current gf has been pressuring me into being more committed. In doing so, we felt it necessary to explain to my ex the situation. When I told my ex she completely freaked out. She expressed that she now has feelings for me. She explains that because we were in limbo (not expressing our feelings) she was comfortable with how things were going and did not express her feelings. She says that I owe it to her to take a step back from my current situation to at least figure out if there is unresolved issues between me and her that need to be hashed out. She claims that I can not make a clear decision if I have someone on the back-burner.
In telling my ex gf/ friend, she was offended that I lied by omission (in not telling her before, sneaking around etc). she says she will no longer be my friend if I pursue things with my current gf. This seems like a bluff, but i am afraid that it is much more. She is so hurt and ashamed that she is serious. I told her that I am pursuing things with my current gf, and she freaked, saying that I am the one making the decision to throw away 10+ years of friendship over this new girl.
Now I am stuck. Do I stick it out with the current girlfriend, who I adore and almost love. In doing so, I loose a lifelong friend.
Do I take time and space from my current situation to hash out what is left of my friendship with my friend? In doing so, I will probably loose the current gf, as this shows that I am in essence, choosing the friend over her...
To add to the fire, I am in the middle of medical exams. This has kept me up and has exhausted me physically and emotionally.
Thanks for your support, and sorry for the novel above
-Confused