upset over present not being used

[basilandthyme]

Point taken, but I didn't ask why someone might buy one for a guy as a gift, I asked why a guy would want one. It sounds like you gave one to your friend as a random gift, not a birthday gift.

No, he wanted one so much that he bought it himself. You see, I had a candle that he loved the scent of and he wanted to buy the same for himself.

A year or so after that, I started making and selling candles. I was as surprised as you are to find that there is actually a market for men. Albeit a small market, but it does exist. Some men enjoy the ambience of a candle and more masculine scents.

[searock]

There is no rule that says that guys (yes, even straight guys) can't like candles, last time I checked.

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That being said, I agree with smackie about telling her that you were planning to use it with her. Maybe she actually expected/wanted you to use it that way (i.e. giving her a massage, etc)?

[BackUpOrGetStng]

See my point though, B&T? The guy you speak of wanted one, but I doubt he would've wanted one as a birthday gift.

Searock, where did I say guys can't like candles? I was just asking what guy would want a candle as a gift. Get off your ****ing pseudo feminist high horse.

[basilandthyme]

So, you're comparing candles to, say, socks? As in: lots of people like socks but they don't want socks as a gift?

[searock]

Searock, where did I say guys can't like candles? I was just asking what guy would want a candle as a gift. Get off your ****ing pseudo feminist high horse.

I'll rephrase. There's no rule that says that guys (yes, even straight guys) can't want candles as gifts, last time I checked.

Calm your balls.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

So, you're comparing candles to, say, socks? As in: lots of people like socks but they don't want socks as a gift?

Kinda. I could see if she got it for someone who she knows likes and uses candles. This guy clearly doesn't, and most guys while they might be appreciative of the gift, would probably raise an eyebrow...especially as a birthday gift. It's a girly gift, so it would be weird to get a man that, without knowing its something he'd want(no Searock, this does not qualify as sexist).

I'm also curious as to whether this is the only gift she got him.

[searock]

It's a girly gift, so it would be weird to get a man that, without knowing its something he'd want(no Searock, this does not qualify as sexist).

Saying it isn't sexist, but the fact that there are random things that are considered "girly" (and that lots of guys think it's shameful to like those things, as well as the fact that we use the term "girly" and not "womanly" while we use "manly" and not "boyish") very much is (and it's not one single persons' fault, it's society's as a whole).

Anyway, you are right, it does seem like an uncommon gift to get a guy in the USA. I'm assuming she, being his girlfriend, had reason to believe that he would have liked the gift. I think she over-reacted, there was nothing to get upset about. Unless, as I mentioned, she wanted to light the candle to spice things up in the bedroom, to create a romantic atmosphere or something, and she was disappointed when that didn't happen. Of course, if that is the case, she should have communicated her wishes to him, rather than expecting him to magically just know. I'm also assuming they are both pretty young and clueless.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

Saying it isn't sexist, but the fact that there are random things that are considered "girly" (or "manly", as well as the fact that we use the term "girly" and not "womanly") very much is (and it's not one single persons' fault, it's society's as a whole).

Manly and girly are both two syllables and roll off the tongue rather easily. "Womanly", does not. Calling it a girly gift is simply saying that its something a girl would get(because typically that's who would want it). It's not discrimminating or alienating anyone, unless "girly" is being used in a negative way. In this sense, it's being used to mean, "uncommon for a guy"(only with 5 characters instead of 18). Totally not sexist. Get off the horse.

[Starnique]

Can you do anything? Just light the candle! Can't believe you are unable to figure this out for yourself.

This.

I love candles, especially the Febreze ones. They last so long and smell so goooood. However, I would never buy it as a birthday present. It would be more like a random gift, if you even care to call it a gift. I would probably buy it for a guy just because and every time I went over, I'd just take it upon myself to light it. Nothing to get upset over.

OP, just light the damn candle. No big deal.

[searock]

Manly and girly are both two syllables and roll off the tongue rather easily.

So is "boyish", yet we say "manly" and not "boyish". We only infantilize women, not men.

Calling it a girly gift is simply saying that its something a girl would get(because typically that's who would want it).

The fact that some completely non-gender related things (it's not like we're talking about tampons, or viagra) are considered "typical" for guys or for girls is an expression of sexism in our society, with its strict gender roles.

You said nothing sexist, you just mentioned sexist things that are part of society, so deeply ingrained in it that we don't even notice them most of the time. It's all good.

[AnErin]

So, you're comparing candles to, say, socks? As in: lots of people like socks but they don't want socks as a gift?

Socks would be a good gift if for a lover. The kind of socks though - they would need to be the nylon ones with frillies at the top, ankle style. Not those boring-ass cotton sweat and stink absorbing athletic socks.

OR like in this army comic I saw, these two soldiers are talking and one says something like this to the other -
"You saved my life so I am giving you my most valued possession - my last pair of dry socks".
I do not know if they had frillies.