I am heartbroken

[Tien]

Hello,
I am new here and I just need to vent, because there is noone who would listen. My heart is totally heart -broken, to the point I feel depressed. I have had a few relationships so far, my first bf was mentally ill, second was a gay, pretending no to be for more than one year, third one was a sociopath. In all these relationships I tried so hard to keep it going but it wasn't possible. After this I started to date again, tried to mantain a relationship but I simply felt nothing so I realised I wasn't ready and rather took care of myself, then I felt fine again. It has been 3 months I met a men, intelligent, funny, charismatic, we flirted a lot and I really thought he was interested. He started to be hot and cold then. I let it go. But he returned back flirted with me again, then he was again cold, it repeated. I didn't know what to think so I asked about him. The things I was told were horrible, womanizer, cheater, liar.....I didn't want to believe but later I saw him with a girl, next week with another and this repeated. In the meantime he didn't forget to flirt with me. I told him to stop.
Now I am really broken, not that I am in love with him, but dissapointed.....
It's like I can't give love I have, I can't share ANYMORE.

[woody]

Raise the bar. Know thy self worth lady.... and take, take the TIME just for yourself and rest in this. A worthy companion will come but often they only appear once you've let the possibility of them 'go'.
It's a strange process.
and even then, sometimes that Prince turns into a toad.

In my case, my Toad turned into a Prince. Prince Toad.

Are you at least smiling? Hope so.

never play with a player and know they'll try harder to get you when all they see is you walking away. Stay strong and send that energy out there that your just not willing to settle for anything less than what you know you need and deserve.

**** the players and I don't mean literally.

You say you felt better when you took back yourself. Maybe this time, take a little more time for just you.

[michelle23]

Let me guess. Your so desperate for your prince charming and happy ever after that you dive in head first and fall in love too easily, wearing your heart on your sleeve and ignoring all the red flags and early warning signs??

This has happened 4times now so there is a pattern you need to break. First of all figure out what you want in a guy, set your standards high and take it REALLY slow so you know what you are letting yourself in for BEFORE you get attached. If you see any red flags (especially in the first 3-6months) then you need to dump him asap and move on.

Another thing is you are attracting the wrong type. They obviously sense your vulnerability or your insecurity and see you as easy pickings. If you want to attract the right type then you need to be confident, have high self esteem and know what your worth. Men dont respect weak women so the good guys will ignore you and the bad guys will screw you. You need to toughen up, be strong and show them you wont be messed with. If they know your strong enough to dump their ass if they step outa line then the bad ones will know your put of their league and leave you alone.

Youve got a lot of work to do on yourself so stay away from men until you sort yourself out.

Good luck

[mollymari]

^^yup, what they said.

[Tien]

Thank you for your kind words, I will try to take time for myself now, because it's definitely best I can do!

- - - Updated - - -

Let me guess. Your so desperate for your prince charming and happy ever after that you dive in head first and fall in love too easily, wearing your heart on your sleeve and ignoring all the red flags and early warning signs??

This has happened 4times now so there is a pattern you need to break. First of all figure out what you want in a guy, set your standards high and take it REALLY slow so you know what you are letting yourself in for BEFORE you get attached. If you see any red flags (especially in the first 3-6months) then you need to dump him asap and move on.

Another thing is you are attracting the wrong type. They obviously sense your vulnerability or your insecurity and see you as easy pickings. If you want to attract the right type then you need to be confident, have high self esteem and know what your worth. Men dont respect weak women so the good guys will ignore you and the bad guys will screw you. You need to toughen up, be strong and show them you wont be messed with. If they know your strong enough to dump their ass if they step outa line then the bad ones will know your put of their league and leave you alone.

Youve got a lot of work to do on yourself so stay away from men until you sort yourself out.

Good luck

Ok, I know you are right, the only thing I want to mention that I had NOTHING with this last guy, I see the red flags, but still I am attracted to him. Because I know he is not a good boy for me you definitely made me think that it's the best to stay away from him completely and if he ever try to reach me I will ignore or dump him but not in a kind way. I really needed to hear something like this to wake me up abit, because I started to be confused again. Thanks!

[michelle23]

Your attracted to bad boys coz you either think you cant do any better or you want to change him which will make you feel super special if you succeed. Its all about insecurity and your ego.

thats what you need to work on. Realize that you can do better and you can never change anyone.

You need to find someone in between. Someone confident and manly but also kind hearted and genuine. There is a big difference between confidence and cocky. Learn what it is and learn to spot the difference

[Tien]

Your attracted to bad boys coz you either think you cant do any better or you want to change him which will make you feel super special if you succeed. Its all about insecurity and your ego.

thats what you need to work on. Realize that you can do better and you can never change anyone.

You need to find someone in between. Someone confident and manly but also kind hearted and genuine. There is a big difference between confidence and cocky. Learn what it is and learn to spot the difference

The second I always felt the need to change someone who seemed to me bad, sad or..., "if someone is a player why can't I be that special to change him?" - this question I asked myself many times before. You know when I met this guy, it was the first time I realized I was not the one who can change someone, I can change only myself. It was like I saw a reflection. Now I am fully aware I have issues, I used to feel like a victim but now I feel it was always my decision, I could walk away everytime, noone forced me to stay or to change them.
That's why I feel so broken and dissapointed - not in them, but in myself, I see how naive I used to be and still I am, I dont fall in love easily but if I do...., that's why I needed to vent, I can't believe I am like that....
thank you a lot for answers

[michelle23]

Dont feel bad. At least 50% of women are the same as you and some never learn. At least your learning and making progress and mow that you know what the problems are-you can avoid making the same mistakes again. Get some self help books on self esteem and read articles online. Research healthy relationships and learn how to avoid the wrong ones. You will be fine. Your young and you have loads of time to find a nice man

[pcmaster]

Oh get a pet, you could give plenty of love to dog ! Someone reliable you know and would wait you home every day happy. Get some fluffly living thing after your hard work day.

[woody]

My golly, ya, we've all fallen for the bad boyz and girlz out there, there's just something about wanting to mend a broken wing isn't there? Indeed.
Crikey, years and years ago after I got away from a naughty man, I stayed alone for a couple of years but then fell REALLY hard for a musician. Not saying musicians are bad, quite the contrary, but this guy was not into me one single bit and I couldn't see from rain and totally got crushed, then crushed harder due to rejection. I have never made such a fool of myself. tee hehehehe. Oh but did I ever all those years ago. Silly young girl I was. Took awhile but i picked up my dignity eventually and have never re visited that floor again. Still, a good learning experience it was...

Yah Lady, o.p, don't beat yourself up too much. YOu've learned much and are now a wiser version of yourself so that's good news right? Right.

hope your well.... stay bright, stay happy
and for goodness sake, don't let anything bring you down