Is he gay or holding back feelings?

[annanyc]

Hi everyone - need advice.....

ok here's the deal - I've been "seeing" this guy since January 2012 - background.... I was left at the altar back in 2011 and met him a few months later who actually knows my ex fiancé - us meeting had nothing to do with my past relationship....
Me and him started hanging out casually and from the beginning he was always a little paranoid bc he did not want my ex to find out.... they were not friends but worked in the same company.... so they did know each other. They no longer work with eachother so us being "friends" on Facebook and stuff has been going on for a while......

We have had sex a few times back in 2012.... in the beginning he would always say "sex leads to feelings so its dangerous"... never took it any further - any time we hang out its usually at his house, we do not go out, we lay together - cuddle watch movies, massages, and maybe a little fooling around. we have not had sex since may 2012. I like the closeness and consider him a friend but a little more than that.... i'm in love with the guy! so since 2012 we have been hanging out and its always a great time.

To this day he still has me come over and I see him like every week to 2 weeks.... he claimed back in December 2012 to only like me as a friend however how do you only like someone as a friend and get "close" - fool around with them..... how do u hook up with someone who u have no feelings for knowing how I feel for him????

So this brings me to know - ummm over 2 years of hanging out.... he will NOT have sex with me.... I have asked him and he says "not happening" - meanwhile im good enough to give him a BJ???

So now after talking to all my girls about it - everyone is convinced that he is gay!!!! i'm starting to think so myself.... what else could it be??? i'm no Marilyn Monroe but I do go out with other men and can have sex with anyone else eventhough I dont..... why is it that he just wont have sex with me!!!!!

Icing on the cake which brought me here..... I texted him today to say "lets hang out in front of the fire tonight and have some wine".... his reply was "when are you bringing another woman over?"..... so now he is FIXATED on having a 3some with me and another woman!!!!
so my response was "ughhhhh"..... he then says "whats the big deal, not like im going to have sex with her" -
so basically he wants a 3 some with me and another woman..... but ONLY for oral pleasure from me and another woman - NO SEX?????!!!!!

Seriously????? help! wtf!!!! how is it that I am in love with this guy and he clearly has some sort of issue going on.....


THANK YOU in advance for your input..... how do I handle this???

[surfhb2]

Youre in love with this guy? Its you who needs the real help here

[annanyc]

Youre in love with this guy? Its you who needs the real help here

sadly you are correct. I cant stand feeling this way..... I mean wtf - I don't get what it is that has me so sprung.

[Anniestarr]

I don't think he is gay. The harsh reality is that he just doesn't seem to feel for you the way you feel about him. He told you in the beginning, "sex leads to feelings so its dangerous"... That is him saying I want to have sex with you but I don't want it to go any further. I'm guessing he's noticed how you feel about him so he has backed off with the sex but lets face it, he's still a man so bj's are ok. My advice to you is to let him go and move on to find someone who wants to be with you. While it will hurt to do that, in the end you will save yourself a lot of heartache. Best of luck!

[michelle23]

Hes not gay. Hes using you. Sex means he has to make an effort to satisfy you. Bjs are his way of getting something for nothing. Bite him next time he puts his dick in your mouth and then tell him to go **** himself. Hes an asshole. How can you allow yourself to be treated this way for 2years? Where is your self respect?

[annanyc]

Hes not gay. Hes using you. Sex means he has to make an effort to satisfy you. Bjs are his way of getting something for nothing. Bite him next time he puts his dick in your mouth and then tell him to go **** himself. Hes an asshole. How can you allow yourself to be treated this way for 2years? Where is your self respect?

you're right - and unfortunately sometimes we all do things for the wrong reasons... maybe deep down I felt like the more I am with him he would eventually feel the same. and you are right about me allowing myself to be treated that way... i will not cross that line with him ever again.

we do not hook up everytime we hang out - its not always about me going to him to suck his d*ck.... there have been many times where nothing has happened at all and the natural thing when someone you like wants to hang out with u, is to just go with the flow and enjoy it while it lasts.

and yes, he is a total asshole and it is his loss.... i cant continue this anymore. if he wants to still be a friend that is fine but my hands will stay to myself.

Im on here for advice not to be judged... as far as self respect, i do have plenty of respect for myself.... ive been through more shit than people see in a lifetime -

[michelle23]

If your smart you will ditch him as a friend too. Hes not a friend. Hes just an asshole

[Makeme]

But in all fairness, this happens to a lot of big girls!

[sexloveexpert]

he is just plyaing with you ..you sould give him a perfect expamle ditch him behave like friennd ...dnt take him seriously

[sowmia]

Either he's socially inept and thinks that sex is just about getting off or as stated above, he's just a plain asshole.. Yes he is using you at times but oddly enough, I used to date a man like that who was fixated on fooling around but no sex! I still do not his reasoning behind it but I gave him an ultimatum.. Because my needs are important too, right? He eventually got around, gradually but he did and it worked out pretty alright.. we broke up for different reasons..
So what I'm trying to say is, 2 years might had an impact on him though he wont say it. I doubt anyone is that cold or stone hearted. Try telling him that you're over it and that you dont wanna do it anymore.. If he isnt an idiot, he'll try to stop you. If the asshole theory holds true, good riddance! Cheer up!