Would you want to know?

**Starnique** · 29-03-14, 11:43 AM

Originally Posted by lovesaidno

I love how the majority of you all think that I'm the asshole/terrible person for allowing this to happen. Maybe I didn't explain it clearly enough, I never slept with him. I refused to because I had a suspicion of this other girl. He approached me in October and we've been seeing each other since. He insisted he was not seeing anyone. It was only at the beginning of March that it was confirmed for me ( by someone close to him ) that he does have a girlfriend. He continued to deny that he had a girlfriend and said she was just a friend. Continuing on through March he admitted to more and more things day by day. Not on his own free will of course, I had to force things out of him. As soon as he admitted this I stopped talking to him because I was very clear from day one that if he has anyone else in mind, is seeing someone, etc etc than I am not interested at all. I didn't **** up anything for myself thank you very much and I also don't believe that I am the one who has caused problems.

Well you initially didn't say that. So you're not a side ho. Congratulations. I mean it...Good for you.

I still don't think its your place to let her know anything. This is not about her. She may already know or will find out in time. You are not her counselor. In this case, worry about yourself and be glad you didn't get involved with this two timing loser and move on with your life.

Originally Posted by lovesaidno

Wow you are literally the rudest person I have ever come into contact with in my life ( online or in real life ). Perhaps it is you who has more issues than I if you feel so strongly about a situation you know nothing about.

I don't have issues. You're the one who came on line with a confusing situation to get public opinions. Side chicks should stay in their positions. You claim you're not one. Great. Move on. You're obviously in your feelings, feeling some type of way because why do you deem it necessary to do all of this? Let it go. Its not your problem.

**michelle23** · 29-03-14, 01:37 PM

Sorry for assuming you knew about her. In that case he played you both so you should defo tell her

**surfhb2** · 29-03-14, 02:48 PM

Dont worry about it. She already knows you exist anyway, or will in the near future. not your problem

**michelle23** · 29-03-14, 03:13 PM

She has a right to know guys. Noone deserves to live a lie

**IndiReloaded** · 29-03-14, 03:52 PM

Tell her anonymously, but only if you have an STD.

**hatesthis** · 29-03-14, 04:42 PM

I would want to know but I would also be suspicious of the other womans reasons for telling me and how she got my contact info. I automatically would think she wanted me to know not to help me out because she cheated with my partner but to make me upset at my partner so I leave him and she gets him free of me lol. I'd much rather a close friend or better yet my partner told me not a stranger who was ****ing my partner on me.

**confused_** · 29-03-14, 06:14 PM

You know, I've been in a similar situation recently. People's main reason for telling me not to was that my motive wasn't to help her, it was to hurt him. To be honest, it's a bit of both, and mainly the latter. But so what? The outcome will be the same regardless of my reasons. My motive has bearing on whether or not the person would want to know. I still don't know what to do. He's still texting me. I've been ignoring him while I decide what to do

**surfhb2** · 29-03-14, 06:35 PM

Originally Posted by hatesthis

I would want to know but I would also be suspicious of the other womans reasons for telling me and how she got my contact info. I automatically would think she wanted me to know not to help me out because she cheated with my partner but to make me upset at my partner so I leave him and she gets him free of me lol. I'd much rather a close friend or better yet my partner told me not a stranger who was ****ing my partner on me.

Bingo

Futhermore. I don't believe the op didn't know he was in a relationship. How would she know these details about his gf and how much she does for him.? The op is either stupid or naive. Once a guy starts talking about another women, most girls would bail. The op seemed to hang around for awhile. Hmmmmm. Lol

This girl doesn't give a rats ass for the other girl....she's just pissed and wants revenge

**Johnagape** · 30-03-14, 03:45 AM

Hi lovesaidno, the problem with forums is that some people write things and express themselves in ways that they would never do face-to-face. But the hurt from those words can be as stinging.

Another thing about forums is that we give a very small part of the larger picture. We are not writing a book, just a post. So misunderstandings happen. Also some people don't read properly, yet go off at a tangent with replies. Things happen on forums.

To answer the question. I feel how this man behaved is the central issue. If he was manipulative and lying, then consider if this is a part of his character. If it is a pert of his personality, if he is a man that is likely to cheat on this other woman again, then she should know.

However, if you tell her then she might not get the message. She might go into denial and cast you as the jealous "other woman." If he is manipulative and she tells him what you told her, then he will manipulate and bond her closer to him. That will be counter productive.

So you should in this case let her know in some anonymous way that cannot be traced back to you.

**lovesaidno** · 30-03-14, 05:48 AM

Originally Posted by surfhb2

Bingo

Futhermore. I don't believe the op didn't know he was in a relationship. How would she know these details about his gf and how much she does for him.? The op is either stupid or naive. Once a guy starts talking about another women, most girls would bail. The op seemed to hang around for awhile. Hmmmmm. Lol

This girl doesn't give a rats ass for the other girl....she's just pissed and wants revenge

I didn't know he was in a relationship.
A few months into us seeing each other he mentioned he was going to help a friend move ( said her name ) and that was that. A little bit later he mentioned that his friend ( her name ) might be going to the bar with us that night. Over the next few weeks I noticed that her name was being brought up more and more often. Not necessarily towards me, but online and such. His daughter tagged him and this girl in a facebook post about going to the movies. He then did that 24 hour challenge video thing and named her as one of the nominees. He also posted that " her name" was selling her house and posted a link to it. ( This is what I mean by finding out details about this girl, he didn't tell me about her directly he just wasn't careful about hiding things ). I questioned him about her and he told me that she was just a close friend and nothing had ever happened between them. ( He is Mr. Popular / life of the party and has many female friends so I really didn't have a reason to doubt him ). But doubt him I did. Him and a group of his friends all went out for Valentines Day to a local place ( she was there ) I was there separately with my friend and then they all came to our bar afterwards. When I questioned him about her later that night he said she was only there because she is a mutual friend of everyone that he was going with and that there is nothing going on between them. At the beginning of March I was at the bar and asked his brother in law if he knew if "my guy" and one of our friends was going to be there that night. He said that our friend had to work the next day and that * my guy * was with his girlfriend for the night so he wouldn't be coming. I questioned girlfriend?? Do you mean * her name * and he said yes.. I clearly was upset, he apologized and said he didn't know that *my guy* had been seeing me on the side.

I told my guy I was done and it was over with, I didn't want to be with a liar or cheater etc he begged me to let him explain. He came over crying, very upset denied that he had a girlfriend. He continued to tell me that she is just a close friend who he does spend time with because she is helping him with his investments and being able to buy a place for him and his daughter..After more drilling from me he admitted that they had made out before, but NOTHING else had happened, she was 100% not his girlfriend and since he started seeing me, he had not kissed her or anything.....Anyways to shorten this up, I found out a few days ago( after tons of drilling ) that he has in fact slept with her at least once. I cut off contact with him and yet he continues to text me to tell me how sorry he is, how its only me and wants to be with only me, he loves me etc etc.

**michelle23** · 30-03-14, 06:53 AM

Hes a liar. I think you should tell her. His brother in law can confirm that you didnt know. Just send a message saying hes been lying and cheating on both of you for X amount of time. You just found out, your v upset and angry and you thought she has a right to know too.

**surfhb2** · 30-03-14, 06:57 AM

It's not that big a deal! You weren't sleeping together so it's not like you were deeply involved.

You're just butt hurt you were taken for a fool. We've all been there....let it go for Christ sake

- - - Updated - - -

Originally Posted by michelle23

Hes a liar. I think you should tell her. His brother in law can confirm that you didnt know. Just send a message saying hes been lying and cheating on both of you for X amount of time. You just found out, your v upset and angry and you thought she has a right to know too.

You fvcking Irish just can't let anything go can you?.

.

**searock** · 30-03-14, 06:57 AM

surf, if your girlfriend was emotionally cheating on you, wouldn't you want to know?

**surfhb2** · 30-03-14, 07:14 AM

If my wife or gf were cheating on me I would already know or have issues in my relationship to begin with.

I can't fart without my wife not knowing about it. It really cracks me up to see women who have men who carry on long term relationships on the side.

Besides. Its clear her motives aren't for the sake of the other girl. 2 wrongs don't make a right

**michelle23** · 30-03-14, 07:21 AM

Originally Posted by surfhb2

You fvcking Irish just can't let anything go can you?.

.

Nope....

- - - Updated - - -

Originally Posted by surfhb2

If my wife or gf were cheating on me I would already know or have issues in my relationship to begin with.

I can't fart without my wife not knowing about it. It really cracks me up to see women who have men who carry on long term relationships on the side.

Besides. Its clear her motives aren't for the sake of the other girl. 2 wrongs don't make a right

Regardless of her motives, his gf doesnt deserve being lied to.

I agree these women must be slow or blind if they cant figure out that there being lied to by the person closest to them. but some relationships are not close and sometimes there working hours or lifestyle allow them to get away with it a bit longer. If all relationships were like yours or mine, then wed never have this conversation. We also wouldnt have any need for a love advice forum

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