His loss of libido

[Vickib]

I'm hoping someone can give a guys perspective on this.

I've been with my boyfriend now for 2 years. We have a great relationship and rarely fight/have problems etc.

However, he's always had quite little interest in sex. I'm not a particularly sexual person but relationships should always be fun and physical at first shouldn't they? We used to have sex quite regularly and it's gradually gotten less and less. The issue is that it makes me feel so crappy about myself and that he doesn't fancy me anymore and I'm not attractive. I find myself flirting with other guys sometimes just to prove to myself that I'm not utterly undesirable.

Every time I try to bring it up with him he just turns it around on me and says that if I want it I should be the one initiating it. But it's not easy to initiate something when the other person is so disinterested and facing the other way or similar. I shouldn't have to force him to want it either, why doesn't he just want it too?

It's killing my self esteem and self confidence because it's making me think I'm not good enough, not attractive enough and maybe I'm crappy in bed and that is why he's not interested in me.

I don't know what to do because if I bring it up he'll just blame me again like always. I want him to realise that he has to make an effort too. Am I being unreasonable?

[basilandthyme]

Well yes, you should be initiating. But initiating only works if the other person is likely to say 'yes'. Any person would stop initiating if the answer was always 'no'.

Just how often do you initiate and how often does he refuse you?

[Vickib]

Well when we both want to do it the signs just work for each other and when we are in bed it just happens. But when he's clearly not in the mood he'll just get into bed and fall asleep straight away or face the other way like he's avoiding looking at me in case I get the wrong idea. Kinda hard to initiate anything like that!

But it used to just 'happen' more often and now it's more and more uncommon. He does work a high pressured job and gets home from work late and is often tired but I think if he realises that it should almost make him realise we have to make more effort to keep the relationship alive because we don't get to spend much quality time with each other.

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And I think it's my lack of confidence that shakes me before initiating as there's always a fear of rejection waiting to happen

[michelle23]

If its affecting your confidence then you should end this. There is no point staying with someone who makes you miserable

[woody]

It's an odd thing that happens and one can't help but to begin to wonder if they've fallen out of attraction; and this sucks.
I think allot of women eventually do begin to flirt outside a union/marriage/partnership when their man stops treating them like the sex goddess' they are.

and all because they simply need to feel desirable and aren't getting it at home.

I wonder if men assume that once they have a woman, they no longer need to keep it up and by 'it' I mean, sex and yes, pun was intended.

So that's an unfortunate phenomena that renders even the most confident female into a cloud of unwanted doubts...(and who needs that)

If only men (not all) would understand all their woman needs and wants is to be desirable; to know that she rocks their World.
Show me woman who gets the loving, who knows where she stands with her man and I'll show you a woman that STAYS with her man and with him alone.

Show me woman who is taken fore granted and denied the loving and i'll show you a woman that seeks attentions elsewhere and usually after years of unhappiness, years too long, she has no choice, she needs it, deserves it and its a sad thing indeed when she is forced to seek it elsewhere.

When a person is left a shell of what they once were and all this could be avoided with physical human closeness and you've already spoken to him about this and still, he listens not, well, i'm sorry but that sucks.
I don't know why men turn off and become distant but if your starting to feel any less than your wonderful self, you need to do something about this.

I do not think your over reacting.

oh yeah, and try some ginseng. Might help

[THX]

Is he affectionate in non sexual ways? Arm around you. Kissing you etc. Libido wouldn't effect that.

[suddenlynothing]

WTF! take it out of the bedroom for starters that's going to get lame quickly. Next time he gets in the shower, drop to your knees and give him the business, if he refuses then you know for sure that he is the one with problem and he can either sort it out or maybe its time for you to move on. Take the power sweety, you can easily prove to yourself that its not you.

[Johnagape]

Vickib This is not something to take personally. He has the problem not you. Don't let his problem, whatever it may be affect your self esteem and self confidence.

When a bloke really loves you, then you are good enough. You are attractive enough. And he will enjoy being in bed with you.

So don't worry. You are OK. Just dump this guy and find a good bloke, one who will build your confidence, someone you can trust so that there is no fear of rejection.

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BTW I have been through some phases where I have been overworked and stressed out and had a zero libido. Just wanted to sleep and not wake up.

I still made my wife feel wanted and loved emotionally, if not physically. No matter how stressed, a few simple little words can go a long way.

[Lizziebee]

My boyfriend is the same way, he's not overly into sex. He even told me when we first started dating that after we'd been together a while his sex drive would probably noticeably decrease. It wasn't my problem and he wasn't cheating on me, it's just he's never been much for sex. In fact a lot of times I feel like he's doing it just to please me because he wants to make me happy. Also something that helps is trying something new. My boyfriend and I have been having sex a lot more recently since we started to try new things. I'm not saying do anything drastic or that you know you won't like. But maybe have sex outside or in the car? Or you could try taking pictures and making videos, my boyfriend loves that. It's one of his new favorite things, which is news to me. I used to send him naughty photos, but one day he was bored and still a little horny at work and I sent him some boob pictures and he asked for more, lower, if you catch my drift. The next thing I knew, he's got a whole folder of us doing naughty things and me masturbating as well as a video of us having sex on his computer. And as Johnagape said, it's not you. So never blame yourself or think you're not good enough. Seriously, try the spicing it up thing though. If it doesn't help, you could always ask if he'd be willing to talk to a doctor. He might just have low testosterone which could be part of the problem.