Should I send this letter to him?

[elephantgirl]

Details to know:
We dated for a year and a half
both agreed this was the best relationship we've ever been in
respected eachother, were honest and open with each other
we had a mature relationship
broke up because I am lost in life and so is he. We both feel we need to go on this journey of finding ourselves alone. He instigated this break up. Our relationship started when I was going through a really dark time in my life and he just got back from travelling for 3 months.

Here is the letter I want to give to him, whenever I hear back from him (we broke up a week and a half ago)

"I don't want our old relationship back. I don't want you back. The start of our relationship was romantic and I really did love you, I never doubted that for a second. We weren't ready. I wasn't ready and you were too high off of travelling to take the next step in your life. I don't like who I was in the relationship; sad, grumpy and stressed. That is NOT me but it is me when I ignore things and not deal with issues. I needed time alone to recover from "suchnsuch". I needed time to get over that, but how was I suppose to know that at the time? It was my first time being alone and it was hard and scary. You were wonderful & impressive, I really did love you.

I'm glad we broke up. I'm glad I have this time and space to become my lovely self. I am so happy you are doing the same, you are so great, you can do anything.

The last time we talked on the phone was gut-wrenchingly heartbreaking. I was devastated, angry, offended, sad,depressed, in denial and jealous of possible future ladies. It was hard because I couldn't understand the separation, but I do now. Although, we really loved eachother, looking back on our relationship now, I wouldn't ask for it back. Me, lost. You, lost. Both of us trying to get our of our personal ruts while making this AMAZING relationship work, no, I don't want it back. Instead, I want the new and improved me, I want the happy me back. And I want the new, ambitious, happy you back. Because despite our current personal obstacles, it is you who I'm in love with.

I love you. I love your smile, your heart, your laugh, your generous personality. I love how you love and accept people even when they are bad people. I love you so much. I love how you know yourself so well that you had to let me go and go find yourself to become an even more amazing person, than you already are now.

So now, I am going to accept this break-up, I'm going to let you go. And, I'm going to move on."

What do you think? I am doing the No-Contact Rule, I'm not going to talk to him until after 30 days are up IF I hear from him, if I don't I'll reach out after 60 days. I want this letter to break his heart and then give him hope we will get back together one day.

What do you think?

Thank you,
Elephantgirl!

[bekho]

Send it after a month

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[bekho]

The letter makes u sound really selfish

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[michelle23]

It makes you sound desperate. You say "I dont want you back" so much, its like your trying to convince yourself and not him.

Seriously tear up the letter, burn it-stay no contact, get over him and move on. You dont need to justify yourself to him and its an unhealthy way to try and get closure. Closure comes from within.

People have a stupid habit of feeling guilt after a breakup-blaming themselves for every little hiccup, mood swing or argument. Its not your fault so stop beating yourself up. You two were just not strong enough together-if you were youd still be with him so let it go.

Having no contact means no contact. There is no point to sending him a letter. I know 18months seems like a long time and a real love story but you will understand one day that this was just puppy love that wasnt meant to work out. Youll understand that when you have been with someone like 5 or 10 years.

[SadBF]

If you love the guy, why would you want to break his heart and give him false hopes? If the guy truly knows himself and has broken off a relationship that was either unhealthy or going nowhere, then you should be happy that he hasn't dragged it along and made it worse on everyone involved in the process.

I totally understand the need to want to make him as sad as you, but believe me when I say, that there is no way in hell that anyone will be better off once the "you-hurt-me-so-now-I-hurt-you" gets going.

Accept it for what it is.

[suddenlynothing]

Are you serious! Is this how women think. This is just a ****ing mind game!

Why do you think you are to giving him "hope"? he broke it off sweetheart.

I might of taken this the wrong way, but my ex was forever playing mind games and I think she is a sad pathetic piece of shit.

Don't send it just get on with your own, he seems to have made the right decision, you sound like your up your own arse!

[Wakeup]

I want this letter to break his heart and then give him hope we will get back together one day.

I think you need to get a couple of sessions of personal therapy so that you have help to convince you not to send that manipulative, self-serving tripe.

Going 'no contact' does not mean you contact him with your "all about me" thoughts and then 30 days later call him if he doesn't respond and then 60 days after that, once again.

Fix what's going on with you, work through whatever it is that caused you to be unable to maintain a loving relationship and then and only then will you be able to be in something long lasting with him or anyone else. It takes far more then "love" (or thinking you're in love) to make something happy, healthy and last a LIFEtime.

Don't send it. Leave him alone and keep busy working on yourself.

Adding:

Are you serious! Is this how women think. This is just a ****ing mind game!

NO... this is how THIS woman thinks. pffft.

[IndiReloaded]

Never, ever send this kind of letter. Think of it as a private journal to express your feelings.

"Words spoken are gone with the wind.... words written are forever."

The only letters that should be delivered are loveletters when your relationship is good and they would make a nice keepsake. Never, ever send letters with the hope they will change a difficult relationship for the better. That only works in Hollywood.

[smackie9]

Never, ever send this kind of letter. Think of it as a private journal to express your feelings.

"Words spoken are gone with the wind.... words written are forever."

The only letters that should be delivered are loveletters when your relationship is good and they would make a nice keepsake. Never, ever send letters with the hope they will change a difficult relationship for the better. That only works in Hollywood.

^^^this, I agree the , "goodbye cruel world" mellow dramatic letter should never be sent. It's long over now, you should be done with this and dating someone else.

[elephantgirl]

Woah, woah.

No need for hostility here.

A selfish letter? I agree, I was reading it yesterday and it was all about me.

You know, I can say that my mind is not in the right place right now. I have a hard time letting go and I want the guy to fight for me. I'm selfish, I know I am. It's been a week since we last spoke. I can see that it is manipulative and silly to want to push him away only because I want him to come crawling back. I'm just heartbroken and don't want to let him go. But you all make really good points and I don't want to give him the letter.

I'd just like to say that I'm not angry at him, he's not angry at me, we ended on good terms. Do not generalize my post by saying "this is how women think" - I'm heartbroken, confused, and I just want him back. It has been made clear my letter is immature and I'm not sending it.

Thanks for your opinions. I really don't want to come across foolish in this break-up.

- - - Updated - - -

Also, when we broke up it was extremely frustrating because he had no reasons as to why he had been feeling distant from me.
He just said 'I've had these feelings before and I know where it leads me'
and then would go on to say how amazing and awesome I am and how our relationship is awesome and amazing but he needs time to find himself and not be in a relationship. But I'm sure in time he will realize what he didn't like about me and it'll be more of a reason why we shouldn't be together. At first he wanted to take a break and in a month get back together and see if we can date again but 2 days into our break, I broke down and we agreed not to me up at all. I'm desperate and I don't want to seem desperate the only thing that makes sense to me is to not talk to him and move on.

[hoxtonchris]

your not foolish or particularly selfish,you are heart broken,its much the sAME AS WHEN WE LOSE OUR PARTNER IN DEATH,EXEPT WHEN THEY DIE WE DONT TORTURE OURSELF BY IMAGINING THEM IN BED WITH ANOTHER.TO ALL OF US ON HERE LETS NOT JUDGE TILL WE HAVE WALKED IN HER SHOES,.SORRY BOUT CAPITOLS ,HIT CAPSLOCK BY ERROR

[smackie9]

I have walked in her shoes MORE THAN ONCE, and I mean what I had said. And you will know you are being foolish when you look back on this, I know I did when it happened to me. Nothing wrong with putting words down on paper so to speak like the other poster said, BUT keep it to yourself.

btw most of us on here are 40+, we have been through it, and done that.

[elephantgirl]

Thank you. Thanks for the feedback, I appreciate it!

So, I guess what I should do now is don't talk to him and move on?

[smackie9]

You got it. He has no purpose in your life....it's ok to let go.

[searock]

Are you serious! Is this how women think.

Why would you even assume something as idiotic as this. OP happens to be a woman, this does definitely NOT mean that "women" in general think like this. Good grief.

OP, do not send the letter. It's useless. Also, don't contact him even after 60 days. It's over, the sooner you move on, the sooner you'll be happy again :-).