She says we can be friends, but ignores me? Please Help!

[Jerry17]

This girl I liked in high school (let's call her Abby) and I's situation is complicated. We ride the same bus and live a few streets away. I'm a junior and she's a freshman. But she was giving mixed signals to me while she had a boyfriend. One day I asked her about it and her boyfriend threatened me. I respected their relationship and tried not to be friends. But I decided to just talk to her and soon enough, we became friends again. But she continued to give mixed signals. And her sister told me Abby liked me and even a complete stranger came up to me asking if me and Abby go out. So I asked her about it, but she said she didn't see me as a boyfriend, but she wanted to be friends. But I found out she might have been talking badly about me to people on the bus so mostly everyone on the bus knows about us.

After a while being friends, we somewhat got closer and even had deep conversations regarding my self esteem and that I should let my pain go. But eventually, Christmas came and Abby stopped texting me for a while. By the time she texted me back, I was angry. I told her that I feel like she will eventually forget about me, but she said it wasn't true. Then I told her that I didn't know what to do because most of my friends don't want me involved with her. So, after that, we stopped talking until the next month. She ended up telling me to move on. A week later, I wanted to get an explanation for everything she did and she told me that she doesn't care no more. So for a while, we didn't talk. But a couple of weeks later, she suggested that she wanted to die so I asked her if she's okay. She said yeah and we had small talk, but she stopped talking to me. I blocked her after that and she blocked me as well. Ever since then, Abby just stares at me a lot whenever I'm near her. She acts nervous and seems like she tries to avoid me. she isn't staring when she knows I am looking at her. She does it when I'm not looking, but my friends and I happen to notice her staring anyways. My friends say she tries to be slick when she looks at me. Then she shakes her head and tells one of my friends she doesn't like me every time my name is brought up in their conversations. More people are finding out about Abby and I and I keep finding out things I never knew about the situation. So I've been telling people I hate her now and I'm trying to convince myself that I actually do.

Originally, I thought Abby was playing games with me because of the staring. But now I think she has a different reason for staring at me all the time. At this point, I am no longer interested in a relationship with her. But I do want to be her friend and I believe it's my fault we're no longer friends because I was jealous. I liked her and she already had a boyfriend. Then I felt like she would treat me differently than her friends. She would be loud and crazy with her friends, but nice and soft-spoken with me. I didn't feel very important to her and I didn't know how or if I would ever fit into her world. And I didn't want to accept any of it. So, sometimes when we used to talk, I would say things to try to make her jealous and want to be closer to me. Sometimes, it seemed like it worked. And when I told her I didn't know what to do because most of my friends don't want me involved with her, I said that to make her jealous in a way. But ultimately it just cost me a friendship that I really want back. A few days ago, I said hey to her and she said it back and waved at me. Then, days later, I tried to talk to her to find out why she's always staring at me when she doesn't like me. But she made a face like she didn't want to talk to me and I asked if she still not cool with me and she kind of shook her head and walked away while I was talking.

A few days ago, I kiked her and told her I want to be friends again. She said okay and we started have small talk. But she stopped responding. So a couple days later, I kiked her and asked "do you want to be friends because I don't want you to feel like I'm bugging you. She said we can be friends. And I was like okay and "Did you miss me lol". She said "nah lol". Then we had small talk again but she stopped responding like before, but soon enough she read my message, but still didn't respond.

I'm confused about my feelings for her. My feelings are coming back, but I'm trying to just be friends with her and it's like she wants the same but also doesn't want to. Is there something I'm not understanding? And why does she ignore me? PLEASE HELP!

[itlnbuc]

Ok. So obviously you do not have a problem approaching her about things. This is good. You need to be one hundred percent straight up with her. Tell her everything you just told us, heck show her this exact message if you need to. From what it sounds like, and I may be completely wrong, you still have feelings for her, she has feelings for you and is not sure what to do with them maybe because she already has a boyfriend, and it's causing unnecessary tension among the two of you. So again, talk to her and do not be afraid to be really open and super blunt with her. She needs to know exactly how you are feeling.

[smackie9]

She knows you like her, that's why she ignores you, she doesn't want you romantically. Typical young girl, they are all about getting attention. They like attention but don't like the obligation of recipocating romantic feelings. Everytime you get too close she will just push you back as to say "NO! I don't like you like that!" She knows you want to be more than friends, and it's putting her off with your lies about just wanting to be friends. I know this game too, and I hated it when guys did this to get their foot in the door to pursue me. She knows your motives, so she will not respond. Stop pushing her and move on. Just leave her alone.

[Jerry17]

I talked to her a day ago and I told her I have to apologize for getting jealous and trying to make her jealous, which got her mad all those times. She referred to the times as "old news". But I just told her how I feel. She told me it's ok and I asked her how did she feel. She said she doesn't care anymore. I asked her is she referring to the situation or me. She said she doesn't care anymore and she doesn't like me like that. At that, I just told her I accept that and after a few more simple messages where she seemed to not want to talk, I stopped kiking her. So now I'm pretty sure she doesn't like me like that, despite all the mixed signals and people telling me she likes me. I've just come to the conclusion that I got played by her.

[smackie9]

you didn't get lead on, it was you who lead you on. What you felt in your heart is what made you saw those signals as hope she was interested. Just because someone says they like you or stare at you, doesn't mean they have a romantic interest in you.

Being lead on is if she physically made advances, told you lies that you two were together.

Your biggest mistake was to show yourself emotionally weak by talking to her about your insecurities (low self esteem). Girls get turned off by this, that is why she faded away and stopped talking to you.

Your stumbling block is your low self esteem. The talk of her talking badly about you, those on the bus giving a bad vibe, her treating you differently than her friends etc, is all from how you view yourself. Your feelings distorted your perspective. It makes you clingy, act badly to get her attention by getting her jealous, all that is caused by your low self esteem. You will not get anywhere in your life unless you address this. If you need to talk to someone about it, go to the school counselor. Maybe one or two sessions will help you feel better at least.

[Jerry17]

It wasn't just me who saw those signals and thought she liked me, though. Most of my friends thinks she does. When everything first started, I noticed the signals, but I didn't really care. But one of my friends on my bus, started noticing the signals too and thought Abby liked me. And then my mother and I went to the store before, and it just so happens that Abby and her family were there also. My mother and I passed by them a few times and I noticed Abby staring at me. And after leaving the store, my mother asked why Abby and I were looking at each other like we liked each other. So it's not just me noticing the signals. Other people notice it more than me sometimes.

At first I thought this was irrelevant for me to tell, but when I was at lunch one time, my friend and I walked to get ice cream and passed by Abby and her friends. I noticed Abby looking at me, but I didn't really care. When my friend and I came back from getting ice cream and sat at our table, Abby's sister ran up to me and hugged me while Abby sat right across from me. Abby yelled at her with a sort of smile "What you do that?!" Abby's sister told me hey and walked away, leaving Abby and I. For a few seconds, Abby and I were just looking at each other and she looked like she was about to say something, but just got up and went back towards her table. I approached Abby's sister at our other lunch about it and she said Abby dared her to hug me. So I approached Abby in the hallway and Abby was beating around the bush. One of my friends also asked her about it on the bus and she said Abby was beating around the bush about it too. When I got in contact with Abby, I asked her about the dare, but she told me her sister just told her she was going to hug me and she didn't know about it. That didn't sound right to me, though.

And I actually know that people were talking about me on the bus as two of my friends told me Abby's friends talk badly about me. Then, one day, one of my friends called my name on the bus and noticed Abby sort of jump at my name. My friend asked why Abby did that and Abby told her that I like her and we be hugging and when she don't give me a hug, I get mad. That's a lie. And I don't know why she said that.

But I do agree that I did make a BIG mistake by showing myself emotionally weak. She may have gotten turned off by it. And she herself told me that I have low self esteem and that I need to let my past go. It's almost like she could see right through me sometimes. But the problem was unlike other girls I have liked in the past, I could not see right through her and it made everything sort of complicated for me.

[smackie9]

Act kool and aloof, and maybe you will catch another girl's eye, .....one that doesn't play stupid games.

[Jerry17]

So I should just try harder to forget about her too. I would like if me and her could just be friends because anything else seems to cause tension and complications. I do still have feelings for her, but I really do want a friendship with her again because I miss that alot. If we could just go back to how things used to be, I'd be happy. But since we apparently can't, how do I forget about her?

[Lord Darkshire]

Play basketball with your buddies. When other things take priority in your life, you won't have a need for her anymore.