A complicated friendzone... Really need help please.

[ponorac92]

Hello girls. This is my first time posting but I really do need help and I though you can help me out.
I fell in love with my best friend. We used to hang out a lot and had a great time as friends but than I fell in love with her and I told her that. She wanted us to be just friends but I can't get her out of my mind. I followed peoples' advice to let her go and eventually the feeling will be gone. I did that but I pushed her away from me and after 7 months I'm still in love with her. It's driving me crazy. I really do like her and I would do anything to be with her. Is there anything I can do to make things right? I would do anything. Please I really do need some help. All my friends tried to help me but nothings changed... Thanks in advance.

[Gumby]

First, you should think of what she wants. No girl likes being pressured into a relationship that she doesn't want, so you should be careful not to make her feel pressured or uncomfortable. You should also find out if she has feelings for anyone else. I get that that would be difficult, but it doesn't necessarily mean the end. You don't want to make her feel awkward or conflicted, usually that just creates stress and distance (personal experience.) If you haven't hung out with her in a while, I'd suggest try hanging out or even just casually texting for a few days before hand. I wouldn't mention your feelings right off, I'd more focus on finding out what she wants from a relationship (if she wants one at all at the moment,) and reestablishing a good relationship. It's kind of hard when you feel so strongly about the other person, but it's really important to take things slowly and let them evolve naturally. Like I said, hanging out and going places as friends without pressuring her into dating or being romantic may slowly warm her up to the idea. If she doesn't warm up, it might be worth while (at a point later on and without pressuring her) to find out why she isn't interested. Given your situation and past experiences, I think this would be the best approach. That said sometimes girl's just aren't interested, and it can be better for the other person to move on. I get that's easier said than done, but if she doesn't want to date and it's hard for you to be her friend, it might be best to cut her off, move on, focus on meeting new people and making yourself happy. I hope everything works out though. Good luck!

[ponorac92]

Thanks a lot for replying and giving me an advice. I'll try to make things right with her now... We barely speak to each other now. I'll give it a shot one last time... By the way I tried to cut her off and it lead to the point that I needed help getting out of depression... I really do love her. But I hope that she likes me just a little... Thank you very much Gumby. I wish you all good in life...

[smackie9]

I have put many in the friends zone....there is no way out. A girl knows she is interested within the first 7 seconds of meeting you....if they get attacthed it is only emotional and not sexual. Girls will lean on you for the attention but don't want to take it any further. The young ones are always like this, and don't realize the emotional damage they are doing for their own self satisfaction of getting attention. You can approach all you want, there is a reason why she pulled away....she doesn't want to lead you on.

[pcmaster]

I have put many in the friends zone....

Smackie are Im in friendzone?

[hoxtonchris]

hi all,i too am in a friendship only relationship.we both live alone ,remet after 12 years on a dating site.get on very well but she is either,cold to the point of fridigity,not interested in me that way,or realy just looking for a friend.if its the latter why go on a dating site looking for a man?we went on a 4 day holiday,seperate rooms,kissed cheeks when saying hello goodbye,and thats as far as its gone.i havnt took a more forsefull (for want of a better word)as she recently dumped another male friend for coming on too strong.she said to him when he tried to kiss her:i dont feel about you that way:i dread the thought of hearing that.it realy is a case of patience but at aged 62 i aint got forever!instinct tells me she is loveless,and unaffectionate and i should move on but she is such a nice lovely woman ...its so hard to restrain myself to being just a friend when i just want to take her in my arms and snog her face off!

[pcmaster]

Dont be afraid Chris. What happened to other male friend happened to him. You still got the chance. Just kiss her. Trick her in kissing if you have to but do it. Give her a reason to feel for you. Raise her comfort levels with you, ask on a date, bring her red rose, say her compliments, listen to her ask questions and when she speaks jst boom - kiss her from blue air. Even if she dont like it too much dont give up and be vital. When you feel shes not worth it then give up.

[ponorac92]

I have put many in the friends zone....there is no way out. A girl knows she is interested within the first 7 seconds of meeting you....if they get attacthed it is only emotional and not sexual. Girls will lean on you for the attention but don't want to take it any further. The young ones are always like this, and don't realize the emotional damage they are doing for their own self satisfaction of getting attention. You can approach all you want, there is a reason why she pulled away....she doesn't want to lead you on.

Do you have any advice what should I do to win her? As mentioned before I'll do anything. Yeah I know I sound pathetic but I really do wanna be with her... I'm not interested in any other girl... What would a guy need to do to win you for example?

[smackie9]

Do you have any advice what should I do to win her? As mentioned before I'll do anything. Yeah I know I sound pathetic but I really do wanna be with her... I'm not interested in any other girl... What would a guy need to do to win you for example?

Can't. A girl knows if she is attracted to you within the first 7 seconds. And then upon further investigation she will decide if you are BF material, which can take mins to days of feeling you out. But once you leave the impression of eagerness, clinginess, and being too available, it's a total negatory....not going to happen. When a girl feels the obsessive "I have to have you" vibe from you it's all over.

The only thing you can do is ignore her and move on.....unless you can totally change who you are which will never happen. The reality of it is, you can't win them all.

[Canada Goose]

Smackie9... that's some of the best advice Ive ever heard. You're completely right, Ive been through the same scenarios so I can tell what you're saying is dead on. Pnorac92 if I may shed a bit of light on the subject also... Sometimes in our over eagerness to get a woman to like us we almost become too desperate, to expressive and that can turn a woman off... I always want to be a good guy and put my best foot forward all of the time but experience has taught me that this tends to freak a woman out. Try keeping you're friendship if you're able but change you're attitude; don't be so quick to compliment, disagree with her if you're not in accordance and show you are your own man. A woman doesn't want a man who's open and vulnerable in my opinion (based on my previous experience only) it seems to become a turnoff to them. Again from personal experience most women seem to get a thrill from the chase. They want what they cant have sometimes and that's the way it appears to be for you. Try changing your approach and game plan. This may work and also it may not... you have to be prepared for the fact that this woman just doesn't like you like that.
Life doesn't begin and end with one person, remember that. There's more than one person out there for you.

[searock]

Just move on and take this as a lesson learned: never ever "make friends" with someone you are attracted to. It's not even friendship to begin with.

As for your request for help to make her see you as dating material, it's never going to happen and there is nothing you can do to change it. You need to stop seeing her, delete her from your facebook friends, don't ever contact her again and if she contacts you just tell her that you'd rather she respected your decision to go no contact, and from then don't reply to her again.

I know it sucks, but you'll get over it eventually (believe me, you will even if now it seems impossible) and you will have learned that if you are attracted to someone, you shouldn't try to "make friends" with them. Ask them straight out on a date and if they say no, move on.

[ponorac92]

First I would like to thank you all for replying and helping me. I appreciate your advice very much. At least I know somebody out there is willing to help.
What I did yesterday was I contacted the girl I like (or better said "love") over Facebook. We had a pretty much casual conversation cuz I didn't contacted her over a month because I tried to forget her, but it was useless because I think of her 24/7. Smackie9 I would like to say that people do change when enough pain is present in their lives. I am an example of that. I changed so much in any way. It's like I went from being a looser to a cool guy just because of her. Like in the movies. I just have one more question for you all good people... Should I act like I got over her in hopes that she will start liking me cuz now I am a new person and try to win her by taking a different approach this time or should I just tell her all my feelings for her even if she might start hating me and leave me for ever? Thank you all again...

[searock]

Definitely do not talk to her about your feelings again. You already told her how you feel and she already told you she does not reciprocate. Repeating yourself will just make her feel uncomfortable and annoyed. Let it go, there is nothing you can do.

No, you shouldn't act like you got over her in hopes that she will start liking you now. You should actually get over her and to do that you need to never contact her again.

[smackie9]

By asking that you are still that loser. Any guy that has self worth would just walk away, and know his time is more valuable than this girl.

[searock]

Definitely do not talk to her about your feelings again. You already told her how you feel and she already told you she does not reciprocate. Repeating yourself will just make her feel uncomfortable and annoyed. Let it go, there is nothing you can do.

No, you shouldn't act like you got over her in hopes that she will start liking you now. You should actually get over her and to do that you need to never contact her again.