How does having a good attitude magically get me what I want?

[Inexadra]

I feel like I'm no longer alive in any real sense. I have virtually no friends, I don't do social things with other people, I work two jobs, go to grad school classes, and go home. That's it.


The reason for this is because I'm afraid of life. I'm afraid of being happy. I'm afraid that if I lull myself into a happiness delusion that I'll slip off the tracks. My happiness needs validation or justification.

Things I fear:

1) People. Even though I've been told by many that I'm a great conversationalist and I have a wonderful sense of humor (you're not gonna see it on this forum, but I promise many people have told me that), I'm afraid to do social things. I am especially fearful of people in my age group (20 somethings). I've met so many 20-somethings who are insensitive and tactless and just not good at conversation. I want to make friends, but would people want to be friends with me?

2) Happiness. I want to be happy, but I worry that my happiness isn't justified. I'm trying to figure out how to say this in a way that makes sense, but I fear becoming a kind of caricature: the naive, deluded guy who goes around thinking everything is great when really he's a complete loser.

3) Letting go in order to be happy. Part of why I fear being happy is because it feels like acquiescing to defeat or failure. There are things I want in my life but don't have. These are things that so many other people have, yet I still don't have. Therefore, if I choose to be happy with myself as I am now and my life the way it is now, then doesn't that equate to giving in and giving up? Doesn't that constitute a reason to have a *bad* attitude instead of a good one?

[pcmaster]

You sure have lot of time for someone who does two jobs and study. None of things will work for you if you wont do. So stop making these topics and start doing.
Answering to you question. Better attitude have benefits of positive thinking and what you think eventualy becomes true, it becomes reality. Thats the power of thought. You are what you think you are. You become what you deserve. When you beliewe in yourself you are forcing others to believe in you. Everything starts from thought and intention.

[Inexadra]

But what if I start doing and I fail? Then what? I will have wasted all that energy and optimism for nothing, and I'll be a social pariah.

How can I be something just because I think I am that thing? If I think I'm a bird, I'm still a human. If I think a bowl of ice cream will materialize in front of me, it's still not gonna happen.

Again, I need more details. I need a step-by-step process for how this all works - that's how my brain thinks.

[pcmaster]

If you fail stay where you are. In fact move forward a little. Even if you fail the strenght of character gain will be the measure of your true sucsess.
You just need more vitality to try and try and believe in yourself. You dont have to think you are bird. Just think you are good and you can become even better. See some positive things about yourself. Fight for your life like you are the person you love. Realy the best things start when you love yourself and who you are. If its hard then do something and to give yourself a reason to be amazed at yourself. Thats how you fell in love in any person - first thing is amazement - it shows higher value and then attraction happens.
Man think about all the bad thoughts you been thinking about yourself. Now you are fruit of your own thoughts. So it is better to actually think good things. You plow what you seed.

[basilandthyme]

Do you have Aspergers by any chance? (not being rude...there's no shame in it)

[BackUpOrGetStng]

Have you tried doing drugs and/or alcohol? Don't be shy. Try them all, and mix a couple too while you're at it.

[Inexadra]

Yes, I do indeed have A.S.

I'm also seeing a professional about a serious anxiety problem I have.

[AnErin]

Having A.S., ADD, autism etc is irrlevent because they diagnose EVERYone who steps foot into a psych's office with that crap. Once they run out of humans, they will start telling people their dogs and cats have it. Of course for a price they can give more pills.

The reason 20 somethings and younger are bad at conversation is cause too many of them have their noses buried in their phone and texting or on some other "social" website. Calling a website "social" is about as stupid as when PETA tries to call tofu a Thanksgiving dinner.

For you though - it's probably not going to be easy to have a social life if you are working and going to school most waking hours. I would say lack of availability is the main thing holding you back.

[Satina]

There are things I want in my life but don't have. These are things that so many other people have, yet I still don't have.

The key is to set yourself reasonable, realistic goals. If you realize that you're trying so hard and still not getting what you want out of life, then maybe there's something you need to change about your whole approach on things. Vague, I know, but don't have much detail.

[Wakeup]

But what if I start doing and I fail? Then what?

You obviously DO NOT understand the concept of the power of positive thinking. I suggest you get the book by the same name or even "The Secret" so that you understand. It's pointless arguing a point with someone who isn't even understanding what they are countering.

Again, I need more details. I need a step-by-step process for how this all works - that's how my brain thinks.

Get those books then.

[Daffy]

If it's not happiness that you want (it couldn't be, if it can get in the way of what you want) then maybe you need to rethink your priorities. As far as your points:

1) No, they won't want to be friends if you're miserable all the time. That also means it'll be tough to get the best jobs; nobody wants to be around a sour person for the next X number of years.

2) You don't need to justify happiness. You're alive. You're young. You're not in any danger. That's plenty of reason to be happy, if you need reasons. Heaven help you if you have to face any really serious difficulty like cancer or something. Some people choose it even then. You may call them fools but I think of them as solid iron, unbreakable.

3) Happiness isn't about getting everything you want. You've confused happiness with some kind of unrealistic satisfaction that can never be achieved. All happiness is, is a choice ... the choice to not let negative energy stop you from doing your best and feeling your best. It's not an easy choice, it is very much an active state rather than a passive one (like satisfaction is), and it doesn't come from things. Accomplishments and being productive do help make it easier to choose, though.

It looks a lot easier than it is. Anger is easier, you just give in to it, but it's like sugary junk food, the energy doesn't last and it leaves you drained. It leads to frustration and frustration leads to quitting on things when they become difficult.