Is there any reason to hope for a future?

[spierz817]

So I recently moved to NYC back in August of '13 and was welcomed by one of my long time best friends. He introduced me to his friend group that he went to college with and I became great friends with all of them. Over time I started noticing one of the girls more and more and started showing interest. Back in late December I went to her house and we had some drinks and really got to know each other. I gave her a kiss goodbye and immediately knew I was on to something special. I took her out on a great date and then the magic began. She was everything I have been looking for in a girl; smart, funny, fun, outgoing, truly good, and beautiful. Three months of nothing but amazing times. Going to museums, discovering new restaurants, grabbing drinks after work. It was all absolutely amazing.

We were taking things slow too. We weren't officially boyfriend and girlfriend but we played the parts. We bought each other gifts, spent a lot of time with each other, and talked constantly. Everything was perfect. She wanted to take it slow though because she had recently broke up with her ex in October, who was the first love of her life, and wasn't ready for a serious relationship yet but we talked about our future and agreed thats what we wanted down the road. That was back in February. A little under a month ago she and her ex talked because they agreed when he moved back to the states they would Skype just to talk. He wanted to get back with her and move to NYC and she said she didn't want that. I believe her.

Two weeks ago, April 1st of course, she told me she wanted to talk. I knew what that meant. She told me that ever since her ex contacted her it made her realize that she really wasn't ready for anything else. I asked her if she was getting back with her ex and she said that was never happening, he and her were done. She needed to deal with her own feelings first before she could give herself to someone. I was very agreeable and said I would do what she need to do to be happy because thats what she deserves. She told me she was speechless at out understanding I was and how great of a person that showed I was. I did try a couple more times over a week and a half to get her back. I offered to take things back a notch so she doesnt feel pressure. I told her that she really meant a lot to me and I wanted her to still be a part of my life. But none of that worked. She told me for some reason, she can't explain it, her romantic feelings for me suddenly turned into friendship feelings in the course of less than two weeks. She said she doesn't understand it because we have so much fun together and she really enjoys spending time with me. I told her I really hoped that in a month or two months, however long it takes her to find what she needs, she would give me a call and want to start things over.

Its been two weeks and I'm still really broken up over it. I know I really do want to be with her. She is the first girl I've fallen for in over two years, ever since I went through a very tough breakup with my ex. I thought we were on to something very special. She thought so too all until a few weeks ago.

So my question to you all is how realistic is it that I can somehow make things work again? Is there any hope that we will make it into each other's lives again romantically? I know I can't force it on her. I just need to hope her feelings for me come back. I think that will happen when we see each other out with friends and see how much fun we can have together.

[chinagirl]

How long was her relationship with her ex?

[spierz817]

It was a long distance for a large majority of the time. I believe it was just over a year. Maybe a year and a few months. So I understand she'll need time. But I hope after that time she still wants me.

[smackie9]

When one is devistated from an end of an intense relationship, they are very emotionally vulnable and easily fall for the attention of someone new. Unfortunately those are rebound feelings and they wear off quick. When they come back to reality they realize it was just quick infactuation to fill the void of their loneliness. You were there at the wrong time. I'm not saying she will never date you...I can't predict what's going to happen, but chances are very slim in these situation. You are best to make yourself sparse, don't be friends or you will be stuck in the friends zone. Never go to her aid to support her emotionally, or hang out. Be aloof, distant and date other women. If you show her you are not going to be this drippy sap that's going to follow her around, be her friend, blah blah blah, the more you increase your chances of her desiring you again. To be desirable, is to be less available. Now go out and date some new ladies.

[spierz817]

Your advice is tough but true. I hate to think of myself as a rebound. It kills me. But I need to show her that I am fine without her and can be just as happy with someone else. Maybe then her feelings will return. But this isn't a movie so I doubt a storybook ending is in store for me.

[chinagirl]

Don't lose hope. It was a long distance relationship for the most part, but don't show any signs of vulnerability. Good luck. I hope it will be a romantic ending just like in a movie.

[smackie9]

Long distance relationships are more emotionally intense because of the distance. There is always a feeling of unfinished business after a breakup, leaving them emotionally raw. So it's way tougher to break away and move on.

[spierz817]

Thank you so much. I hope more than anything that is how it works out.