Help! I'm so messed up... Am I being emotionally abused?

[lovehate1811]

Hi,

I desperately need some advice. This is a bit of a long story, so i'll try to keep in concise.

I'm 26, my girlfriend is 32. We met and became a couple 3 yrs ago at our old office(we have both since resigned). At first, everything was a dream, we were so happy. My mom(although not happy about me being a lesbian) was supportive and grew to like my gf. then at the almost 1 yr mark, we encountered an issue with my gf's mom(her father passed away when she was 11). She went crazy mad over how we were crazy for being in a same-sex relationship. She put us both down asking if we just simply couldn't find a guy that we just "settled" for eachother. My gf, ran away, and stayed with me.

Over time, I was able to overcome her mothers hatred, and I thought, she had finally grown to accept me. She would always ask my gf about where i was when i didnt go visit. I even ended up becoming her drinking buddy when i did go visit them. I somehow chose her family over my own, even though i missed my family, because I wanted to be able to win them over. I started thinking about asking for her daughters hand in marriage. Whenever anything major happened in their family(during the time we have been together, we have encountered a 7.2 Magnitude Earthquake, Typhoon Haiyan, and a fire that wiped out over 500 houses) and everytime something like that happened, I would help them. I offered our house as a place to stay(we live a good 3hours drive away) and i helped out every way i could.

During all of this, I noticed my gf started to become cold toward me, like she was stepping all over me. Any effort I made to make her happy, somehow gets overlooked but she immediately sees all the mistakes... no matter how hard I try.

Over the easter weekend, all hell broke loose. I was watching a show on tv at her mother's house. I really got into it becuase it was a love story about an ld woman and man. the man was senile and got lost. but the woman never gave up, even though she was 79 she still went looking for him everyday until she found him. (insert "awwwww" here)..... And at the end of the show, the senile man, told his wife that he loved her. I had that warm fuzzy feeling that you get watching shows like that and I grabbed my gfs arm and hugged it because I do that when I really feel the emotions of a movie (regardless of who is next to me). My gf's mom, saw this and was disgusted at the sight. and the whole "you two are crazy for being together....why cant you find a man" crap all came out again. Her mom tried to insult me by giving me money to go back to my moms house and to leave her daughter(i didnt take it) and even when I tried to explain what she saw, she didnt accept it.

We left and went home, and my gf's sister decided to get in on the fight by messaging me that I broke their family and that I should feel all high and mighty, now that I have her sister. She also said that I was better off dead and that maybe she should just hunt me down and slaughter me like a pig.

My gf, stood up for me. Said she would never go home. but i dont want her to have to choose(she has a nephew that lives with her mom, and thats who we were actually visiting everytime we'd go there), also, despite loving her with my entirety, I feel that our relationship is going nowhere and I'm still making all this effort on blind eyes. She simply doesn't acknowledge anything I do for her. i grew up in a family where I never had to do laundry or clean houses, but I do all this for her. Even her laundry. All while I also try to keep my own job. She gets jealous of my office mates (i work from home so all my officemates and I only interact via chat). Says she's gonna smash my computer. But she doesn't realize that I have given up my friends, my job, and even moved to be with her where she works, and She's the only one I really talk to now. Then when she gets home, she doesn't. When I try and confront her, she'll just say nothing and play on her phone.

I love her, I really do, but I'm frustrated. I told her that I'd give way, I'd leave so she can maintain a relationship with her nephew. She said that she wanted me to prove to her family that I am worth it. I don't think I'll ever prove anything to them unless i miraculously grow a D*** and lose my breasts. And then last night she woke me up because she couldn't find her back-scratcher and she was screaming at me. Have you ever been screamed at by someone obviously pissed off, while your eyelids are literally closing on their own accord? Its a crappy feeling. I want to stay because I love her. But I also want to go. I feel trapped with her, but I love her.

I feel unappreciated and abused.... but the thought of living my life without her hurts so bad. But I also feel hurt now. I feel defeated... I feel so small. But I love her.

[Valixy]

So, her family has problems accepting your relationship and they are quite unappreciative of everything you do for them. Besides your girlfriend has started to take you for granted and feels entitled to scream at you and threatens to smash your computer that you need for work. She sounds controlling and showing little respect and love for you indeed. If you have tried speaking with her but she kept ignoring you, I think you have done your part and you should leave her. Most break-ups are difficult, letting go someone and starting again on your own can be painful especially at the beginning, but it's your chance for liberating yourself from a very stressing relationship that is only getting worse.

I personally wouldn't even think of continuing being with someone whose family threatened to kill me.

[TheEvilJester]

The way her family has acted towards you is 100% unacceptable. As far as I am concerned, people like that don't deserve the air they breathe. That said, it sounds like she did actually defend you against her family. So, that is at least a tick in her pro column. However, it sounds very much so like she takes you for granted. Relationships are not always exciting and new, so it isn't like you can expect the "honeymoon" period to last forever. But, getting comfortable in a relationship should be a great thing, and mean that your relationship is so much stronger. It should not mean that you practically act like the other doesn't exist.

Also, screaming at somebody is not okay. Granted, I think we all do it at some point in our lives. Not something I am sure any of us are proud of, but everybody gets mad. However, screaming at you over something as stupid as a back-scratcher makes me wonder what she'd do if she had a legit reason to be upset. Not only that, but did the back-scratcher even have anything to do with you? Had you mis-placed it? Not that this would make her behavior okay, but it makes it even less okay if there was no reason you'd have had anything to do with why it was misplaced.

Maybe there is more to the story we don't see, but from what you've told us, I would personally recommend you move on. I know that is very hard to do, but people like this very rarely change. You deserve somebody who treats you like a gift, not like an inconvenience. Also, it sounds like you don't let her family's crap bother you, so if you don't, good for you. However, it is important that you know that there is NOTHING wrong with your lifestyle. It isn't like you chose to be the way you are. No more than I chose to be straight. No more than you chose to be born a woman. Good luck. I hope things work out for you, be it with your current girlfriend, or with somebody else.