Does he really care?

[Badlover]

If there was a perfect man for me, I met him in December 2012. He was handsome beyond belief, hilarious, honored his mother and grandmother, and was very intellectually sharp. As soon as we met I realized our connection was second to nothing I'd ever experienced, we would stare into each-others eyes forever when out at restaurants to the point our waiters would have to remind us to eat, we could spend the whole day doing absolutely nothing together and it would be the most fulfilling event if my entire week. We loved each-other's families and spent quite some time with them, I even brought him to church with me. We seemed so different, but it was like we had the same spirit and the same heart, none of our differences were actually differences, they were simply what made us I individuals.

Within three months I fell tragically in love with this man, harder than my very first love. No man had ever made me feel this way, I was even wanting to get sexually involved with him. He told me he loved me and we mad countless plans for our future, a good 10 years worth, he even mentioned marriage. Some where in month four things got complicated and he told me he wasn't the man I thought he was and that he couldn't give me what I deserved. He said he really cared for me and he hated doing this but he had to end our relationship. He never gave me a specific reason, just that he had some things he needed to work out within himself. I was completely shattered but I genuinely loved and respected him so I kept it classy and told him it was okay and let home be.

He had been in a 6 year on again off again relationship and had just ended it when he met me I later found out. It was very complicated and both him and the ex had been arrested multiple times, cheated on each-other multiple times, and had absolute chaos throughout their relationship. He was also a bit of a party animal and got a few DUIs after a few reckless nights out. Literally a week after this gentleman and I broke up I moved out of state. He found out and was begging to see me before I left after over a week of no-contact. I agreed but a few hours before our date his grandfather tragically died and we had to cancel. I left the state the next day to begin a new life.

Throughout the entire time I've been gone he's consistently called, texted and FaceTimed me telling me he regrets letting me go, he thinks about me constantly, he wants a second chance, and he wishes we could be together. He's even told mutual friends of ours that he misses me and wishes I'd come back home. I went back home to visit a few weeks ago and he heard through social media and begged to see me, I declined because I didn't know how I'd feel seeing him again. However he got back with his ex and they got arrested a few more times in the meantime and he got another DUI. I ended up getting into a new relationship which began verbally abusive and has now turned physically abusive. I told him about it and showed him pictures of what my boyfriend has done to me and he's very upset. He says he wishes I was there with him and that he could kill this crazy guy I'm with. He says to come home and that he'd never hurt me and he thinks of me all the time even after a whole year. I'm working on resolving this abusive situation I'm in and perhaps heading back to my home state, but I'm not sure if I should talk to my ex. I still love him very much and I think of him all the time. I still dream of him regularly and nobody has ever matched our connection.

Do you think he's being sincere? Or am I a conquest because he's never had me sexually and I left? I'm so confused...

[chinagirl]

Leave your abusive BF ASAP but don't go back to your ex... None of them are BF material. He may be sincere but he's got a lot of issues to deal with, like his relationship with his ex GF. He seem to still be hung up on her. Additionally, he needs to deal with the DUI problem. Do you really want a BF who keeps getting arrested? And what are the other reasons he keeps on being arrested beside the DUI?

[smackie9]

Hey drama queen stop trying to lure this guy with you being abused. If you had any maturity you would be taking those photos to the police or report the abuse from a womans shelter.

This guy won't commit because all you are to him is a little emotional quicky when things fall to shit with his GF. Stop hoping he will eventually come running into your arms, it ain't gonna happen. Remember, never go by what they tell you, go by their actions. I think this guy has blown enough smoke up you ass, it's time to cut him out of your life.

As for the guy abusing you, get real, and get out, have him arrested.

[Yanky]

I agree with smakie. Your ex doesn't give 2 cents about you, otherwise he wouldn't have gone for HIS strongest connection, and I wouldn't believe the smack he talks about his girlfriend for a second, he just wants attention so you're romantisizing over a narcisist by the sounds of it. Does he use his charm and false sob story to lure you in? Realize the lessons tied to these men and move on with your life.

[Wakeup]

This can't even be true for goodness sakes. If it is then I suggest you get away from your current situation by checking yourself into the nearest psychiatric facility for a 30 day assessment. I'm not being rude, I'm simply giving you good advise that will help you with what currently lies within you that would make you think that what you had with either of these men was ANYTHING close to love and what love really is.

I declined because I didn't know how I'd feel seeing him again. However he got back with his ex and they got arrested a few more times in the meantime and he got another DUI.

You're contemplating going back to a man like that? Seriously... get the help you need to start loving yourself and forget about ALL men for the time being.

Get the help you need to stop finding men like you've been finding. Anyone who stares into your eyes until your food gets cold and anyone that would allow that... well there is something not right about that behaviour ~ giving or receiving it. It's not romantic, its obsessive and unnatural.