Hi everyone,
I`ve been living together with my girlfriend for about 1,5 years now. Along our relationship a certain issue has really bothered me in different forms; It feels like she is holding me down from living the life I want to live, not intentionally by any means tough.
Let me give you the background;
I should tell you that we had completely different phases of live going on when we met.
I`ve had a relatively well paid job all the time since we met (I don`t have any assets or savings tough so I rely on my salary completely), and she moved from another city and initially had nothing here, besides she wanted to start studying but it has not happened so far.
For some time I paid all of our expenses, but after doing it for quite a long time I started telling her that she needs to get a job and pay certain amount of our monthly expenses (not too much for her situation tough ofc). She found a job really fast which I was happy about at the time, it was not a dream job but something atleast. This is where everything started going downhill unfortunately.
When we met, she was the most positive and loveliest person I had ever met, like seriously. It felt like she was the most happiest person on earth, and her smile filled up every day I had. Now things are different and she tells me almost every day that she hates her life, and I believe it because she is so depressed with having to do the job she does. (We have tried figuring out if there would be any other job she could do, but she doesn´t really have any working experience and she doesn`t get excited about anything so frankly I don`t know how to help her more than I already have done regarding it).
Also she has no close friends here, so it can also make her feel bored with everything. It feels to me like she sees no future for herself, it`s like she has lost all of her goals and hopes and is just a shadow from her former self. She also says lots of stuff referring to it.
This of course is also affecting my life heavily, because I love her so much. She is also mad at me really often, treats me rudely from time to time and ignores my feelings.
I began this post by writing "she is holding me down from living the life I want to live", I`m going to open that up a bit:
It has happened way and way too many times that I have plans of doing something, but I end up not doing it because she is in a bad mood. The thing is that when I see her in a bad mood I just can`t deal with it in a way that my own good mood would prevail.
I try to make her feel better, I try to talk to her, support her, ask her if she would like to do something fun together, but usually nothing helps and she just tells me to stop trying.
After that I abandon my own plans and spend rest of the evening trying to comfort her. Because of the fact that I have acknowledged this as a big problem sometime ago already, I have tried to ignore her bad mood a few times but I can`t help feeling bad after a few hours of staying out, then heading back home hoping she feels better.
I`m a really outgoing person so I feel quite frustrated about this. Also we can`t really travel abroad or do anything like that, because even tough she has a job now, the pay is so low that I still need to pay most of our leisure costs like travelling, and it`s just too much for me to cover both of us.
I would never blame her, I understand her situation and it`s more like I`m sad for her and sad for myself. The saddest thing is that I`m really at the brink of exploding, this has been going on for too long. I love her deeply, and I want to be with her forever. But I also want to enjoy my life the way I want to, without having to feel bad for her feeling bad.
Anyone had similar experiences? How did you solve them? What do you thing I should try? All the tips and advice is welcome.
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Moderator please delete this thread, it was triple-posted by accident.