searock- So by your description of love it would then not be love if it is one sided. Therefore no one would be in love unless its "reciprocal". Like I said before this has not made me feel guilty and miserable or obsessed for 5 years. Its only lately that all of this has come to light. I am a very Happy person. If you could ask any one that knows me they would tell you that I'm one of the happiest people they have ever met. I love interacting with people and making them feel the joy that I get out of life. And several years ago I accepted that my love for Brandi would not be part of that life. It didn't change my feelings for her I just came to accept that it could never be anything more than a feeling. I kept the friendship that we built because she and I were both happy and from what it all feels like our spouses are happy with us too. And that the feeling of love would stay in the background of my life till it either faded away or became nothing more than a blemish like a forgotten picture on a wall that no one ever looks at but has been hanging there forever.
And as far as it working, it has worked for all these years. Not until 3 months ago did all this change. And your right, maybe I've been blind thinking that its been working just fine because it fulfilled my, and in my eyes, the happiness of those around me.
I'm not trying to deny what you are saying searock, and even if I don't agree with your perspective I do realize that a change must be made, whatever that may be. This is not sustainable the way that it is right now, especially after these last three months. Situations like these cloud judgment and logic and make outcomes hard to see clearly. Feelings and emotions tend to guide the path instead of what is right. This is why I posted this. This is why I'm asking for opinions. I don't have the right answer and even if I don't agree with you, yours may be the correct answer if even partially.
My take on love is definitely different from yours(or at least from what yours appears to be). I believe love is a wonderful thing and that I love many people. I believe that if this world had more of it, we would live in a better place. I believe that one can love more than one person the same. I believe that no one is perfect but that we complicate life more than it is by putting titles on everything. I am a happy person and try and make every person I meet feel the same way that I do. I have a zest for life that I truly enjoy. I take every second of my life and think of it as beautiful and precious. I believe we make our own paths and everything we do has an effect. I do NOT believe in destiny or that our lives are already decided for us. I believe that everyone of us can choose how we look at things, and I choose to look at the optimistic side of things but I am also realistic and analytical. If that makes me naïve then so be it. If that makes this situation infatuation then so be it as well.
My love for my wife is neither fake or a lie, I do however know that she deserves everything and I do believe that even though its a small part, I am not giving her everything because a piece of my heart is elsewhere, and that is not fair to her.
My love for my Friend as a friend is also not fake or a lie, I truly value a friendship that we have built and want the best for her and her family. Has there been a line crossed, Yes there has, a long time ago. Should I have done something back then, yes I should have, and I thought I had. All of that does not change the facts now.
I take the responsibility for being in this position. I take the responsibility for making Brandi feel weird weather she does or does not feel the same, for not being there all the way for my wife even if she does not really suspect anything, for making Ron feel like someone he trusted is stepping on his turf. I don't blame anyone but myself.
So I will ask again the same question still stands: what would you do, not what would you have done, but what would you do, considering all that has been said, if you could make the call?
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Thank you chinagirl. Pretty much how I feel.