At what point does a crush become unhealthy?

[hopeforlove]

I am struggling with a conversation that me and my girlfriend of a year have had a few months ago and it then came up again today and I am unsure exactly what to think and feel. What I am feeling at the moment is hurt and anxious but I am wrong to do so?

Basically my girlfriend has a crush on a guy from work and has fantasised about having sex with him. I can understand this and I guess i have had feelings like this about other people out with our relationship. What has made me question how healthy this is from a development on this and the conversation following the development.

I woke up at 6:15am exactly this morning with a really unusual feeling that she was up to something that I would not like. I was not sure exactly what. (She works night shift and I knew she was at work - She was on with a different person not the one she has the crush on) I asked her what she was doing at that time and she said cleaning the kitchen.

A few hours later she told me at around that time she was searching for the man that she has the crush on Facebook account. I naturally questioned why. He response was that thinking about him made her feel good and it was nice to think about someone she liked. I feel really hurt by this and feel that its ok to have a crush on someone but looking for that person on Facebook so you can think about them and that making her feel good seems past being just a simple crush.

I asked her what she wanted from this man and she said only to work with him. I asked if she wanted to have sex with him and she said no.

How should I be feeling about this? Am I reading into it to much?

Any thoughts are much appreciated.

Hopeforlove x

[KingZ]

Welp, that's grounds for a break-up.

[woody]

Now now, lets not jump the gun here. How long has this been going on. HOw strong is your love with her and when was the last time the two of you had a romantic outing of sorts.
Often, when people seek outside attentions it is due to a lack thereof at home.

But yes, a line is being crossed with that f FB thing. You've every right to be miffed at this. Comes a time when you must either find out why she's doing this and attempt to fill the void or dig out the ol pack sack.

[CrasherRob8]

Having a crush and intimate thoughts about the person isn't the grounds for the break-up, it's what she does with that that determines it. Obviously since they work together she needs to distance herself from him, but the fact they is actively searching for him, seeks him out, and wants to work with him would be the grounds for the break up.

Though I would take her honesty about the situation as a sign that you aren't giving her something in the relationship.

[woody]

^^His last sentence.

[smiling100]

That's not healthy.

She is checking him out on Facebook & having a fantasy about him sexually?

of course we all check out other people when we are in a relationship though it's usually harmless but this sounds on another level.

Put the shoe on the other foot. If you had feelings for another woman like that would you be totally into your partner?

[TheEvilJester]

You can't help when you find somebody attractive. In my personal opinion, though, when you are in a relationship, it should never develop even to the level of a "crush." Unless we are talking just an innocent little crush type thing, like the sort of thing where even if you weren't single you probably wouldn't have tried to pursue it anyway. Like a "schoolboy/schoolgirl crush" type of thing. But, to me, that isn't really the same thing as when you say you have a crush on somebody.

So, to me that is bad enough. Then, I think it is bad enough that she feels the need to share this with you. I think that is wrong, mainly because it shouldn't be strong enough to where she feels the need to share it with you. If it was just an innocent little "hey, that guy is attractive, but I really love my boyfriend" kind of thing, then it is really better kept to herself.

But, to me, it gets even worse by the fact that she blatantly tries to seek this guy out, be it in person or electronically. It is wrong, and the fact that she shows blatant disregard for your feelings is even worse. To be honest with you, I would question whether you should even bother giving her a chance for something like that, but I would say maybe you should give her the benefit of the doubt and try. Have a serious conversation with her. As best you can, be cordial and calm and don't let it become a fight. However, explain that you feel this behavior is inappropriate. Ask if maybe there is something you have done (or not done) in your relationship that has upset her. If perhaps there is something she feels she is not getting from the relationship, she at least owes it to you to be honest and give you the chance to see if you can work with her on it. At the same time, that has to be within reason.

Either way, good luck. I hope either things work out with her, or you find somebody else who will appreciate you.