I have been with my girl friend for about four years things have been going great. About 2 years ago I told hear I have been fantasizing about her sleeping with another guy to see how she reacted. She reacted positively and slowly I told her more about my fantasies and how I would like to try them out.
Okay, so basically my fantasy goes like this; My girl friend meets another guy who is totally alpha to me in every way humanly possible, better in bed, better looking, bigger penis, etc. I want her experiences with him to be the ultimate pleasure, while she is out having sex I am at home working out trying make my six pack better and body bigger to try and compete with the other guy, when she gets back after being screwed better than ever before I go upstairs with her and try my best to compete sexually with the other guy but never succeed. During sex she tells me what he did to her and I repeat it trying to do it better for example, lick her better, do her harder, try my best to satisfy her completely. Afterwards I go for a run or do something to make myself more appealing to my girl friend.
I know this is very weird, but from what I've read cuckold fetishes are hard wired into the brain, it's not going away so I may as well enjoy it, besides I'm no where near as extreme as some cucks are, I'm not too submissive, I don't want to watch or be involved with the guy at all and I don't think I'm a "sissy cuck." Anyway I wish my fetish didn't turn me on so much but it does, so much so that I can't ignore it.
About 9 moths ago, after a year of role play she decided to go out and do it for real with a friend she fancied from the gym, I was so excited. After the first time she slept with him, I waited by the front door and the second she got home we had the best sex ever, I could tell she really enjoyed the whole experience, she felt sexy and totally liberated. Things were going great she had total control in the bed room and I always made her ejaculate, although her lover was always a lot better in bed.
Then about ten weeks ago I started noticing some changes. She started telling me that she loves me more, complimenting me saying I look good and toning down the sex talks and meeting up less regularly with other guys. I started to think maybe she is feeling guilty so I talked to her and told her not to feel anything negative because I am aroused by the jealously and humiliation that's what a cuckold is, as long as we both have fun no need to worry about my feelings. Still nothing changed, if anything she seemed to want to tell me more how good looking I am. So I didn't say anything I just went with it, she only went out to meet her lover about once a week.
About a week ago things turned really sour for me. We had sex after I thought she had been with her lover, we both enjoyed it. Afterwards she was smiling at me, I looked at her and said "what?" She told she hadn't really gone to meet him, that she only really met him a few times, that he wasn't really better than me in bed, that she'd go to Kerry's house for a cuppa or somethin' when I thought she was with him and that she loved me and only me. She said it as if it was supposed to be good news like I'd be happy.
I felt so betrayed, nervous, my hand were sweaty. I just realized the past nine months have been a lie, I felt so angry with her so called "lover" or "bull" for not giving her the pleasure necessary to make our cuckold relationship work, but worst of all and possibly most worrying is the fact that she doesn't understand that I have a fetish and there's no way I can turn it off. I've tried to convince her to consider sleeping with someone else, that there are millions of guys out there better in bed than me that will be more than happy to give her extra pleasure, but she won't have it, she's not interested.
I don't know what to do because my fetish is so powerful. I am starting to feel like maybe I should leave her? Or maybe I should refuse to satisfy her in bed since she is unwilling to satisfy my needs, besides I need the competition, that's what drives me to do better when we have sex.
I love the thought of my girl being naughty and having the time of her life. It's nice that she's devoted to me and I am to her too, but I really want carry on being a sort of cuckold.
Any advice will be appreciated ty.